Headcanon :: Lia Jian & Existence, Denial and Perspective
I have written a few times how Ruan has become a person who forces himself to not be timid, who has discarded morality for the sake of love and ambition but I haven’t really gone into Jian’s perspective on it.
That is to say, as much of a perspective as a man who’s experience with life is through a thick foggy lens as I can give.
On some level Jian is aware his brother has changed and twisted. He can see this first hand and understands, to a degree, the atrocities his brother has committed for his sake. He’s aware of the dangers alchemy presents, how Ruan keeps him alive through personal sacrifice down to giving his own blood and mana - something he can do because they are twins.
And yet, Jian also does not believe this is Ruan as a person.
When questioned (and when he’s clear-headed enough to answer), Jian will insist on his brother’s virtues, that his older brother is still timid and scared, that he still needs protecting from the world. That, at his heart, he is a good person who would not do any harm.
He isn’t helpless in this situation and as much as this barely-alive existence is painful and difficult, he refuses to let go of it for the same reason Ruan cannot let go of him. They share the same drive and the same selfishness to see the other thrive. At the most platonic, familial sense of the words they are soulmates bound by this pure love, and that is their downfall.
More than anything he wants to continue to shield his brother from the world and to not be a burden. However he does not realize Ruan believes his cognitive ability in its present state to be that of a child when in reality it is more like that of a dream state. The disconnected feeling where your body never quite works the way you want it to, where you feel detached and sometimes your voice doesn’t work or your vision is clouded.
It’s frustrating bordering on the verge of torturous to live through, but Jian will do it so Ruan isn’t alone. He will cling to this world in desperation until he is certain his brother will not be stranded without a single soul to relate to. After all, his older brother is gentle and easily frightened, and he needs someone to protect him.