[ a chat log about mental health struggles and playing chase with @atlas-ordained because it turned into a more seriously written thing plus one screenshot because I couldn't transfer the emojis in a small form
Metaphorical whining and climbing the walls. Let meeee iiiiiin-type behavior.
"Wouldn't you like to be lectured and well behaved as I use you for my enjoyment?"
"I don't mind if you run, or drive, with me in pursuit. Having engines fired up and fans cooling in advance could very well add to the experience." If you want to flee you can flee that's okay! He can work with that!
"And you can be awkward and nervous and quiet, even after I've caught you. I love to hear your coherent voice, but I also love to hear your helpless sounds when I capture you and hold you and fill you with my love."
This is admittedly quite appealing.
Being allowed to flee from him first means not going straight into it, and then it's okay even if he's awkward....
"... I'll give you a headstart?" he offers as an afterthought.
He blinks at him, considering. Then takes a slow step back, and another... then pauses. "... All right, old friend..." he murmurs.
Something in him is still hesitant, like this might be a bad idea. Guilt and uncertainty itch at his insides. It's hard for him to pinpoint exactly why, between the conflicting fears inside him. But Ratchet is practically begging for this, and that is... well.
He transforms, spinning away from him, and accelerates into the distance.
His antenna starts wagging the moment Optimus agrees, but he remains where he is, providing that promised headstart. He hopes this will turn out all right. If he understands correctly, as long as he does not overreact or overthink or coddle in response to Optimus being awkward or odd, it should be okay...
"One," he states as Optimus is transforming. "Two," he continues as he departs. [ Three, ] he adds over a spoken com, ensuring his beloved can still hear him, [ Four... Five.. Six... ] Ratchet transforms into an ambulance. [ Seven... Eight... Nine.. ] He begins to follow his trail. [ Ten. ] Tires spin as he finally shoots off.
Optimus tries not to think too hard about what will happen when Ratchet catches him. Don't overthink. Ratchet clearly wants this.
He focuses instead on the chase. It feels good to push his frame to its limits, engine and tires burning with effort, sensors trained on the path ahead. Within the fantasy, it's a legitimate attempt to escape, with Ratchet's catching him not being a when but an if.
In his prior frame, he may have been able to outpace him, but now that is much less certain. Neither of them is built for speed, but Ratchet boasts the more powerful engine and larger tires, likely enough to make up for his poorer aerodynamics. He will certainly catch up... but Optimus won't make it easy.
Ratchet's thoughts also shift to considering the differences and technicalities of their frames. The ambulance is not slow as far as trucks are concerned, he is an emergency vehicle, but he also has the convenience of being capable of navigating both on and off road.
He wonders if Optimus would choose to test that aspect of him, or avoid it entirely, to ensure Ratchet does not gain an advantage.
Now that they are committed to it, he analyzes how different it feels to push himself outside of urgent contexts. It really is interesting, perhaps even thrilling, because he does feel legitimately challenged. Not only are they exercising and playing, but he is already calculating how he could actually catch up.
[ I don't believe we've participated in something like this since your frame change. I feel younger, ] he observes in amusement, still a significant distance behind.
Optimus knows Ratchet's advantage over him increases on rougher terrain, so he keeps to the roads and flat areas. His own smaller frame will likely handle sharp turns better, but he needs to avoid anywhere Ratchet might be able to cut across in a shortcut.
His planning takes them on a scenic route, roads that wind through rocky outcrops and the edge of a forest. Tires screech as he swings around the corners, barely slowing down.
[ Indeed we have not, ] he answers. He is... not much in the mood for conversation, but it does good to know Ratchet is enjoying himself.
There is no follow up comment for a while, as Ratchet is more focused on observing the paths Optimus takes and trying to calculate predictions, in addition to driving seriously. He has to be mindful and adjust his speeds for sharp turns, or else he might spin off course, and then Optimus would gain ground! He would rather fall behind by a little than a lot.
[ ... You are keeping this challenging, ] he notes some time later. Ratchet had, indeed, intended to try to take a few shortcuts, but it appears he has been outsmarted! Very attractive.
[ Hmm... All the more reason for me to take you as my prize once I catch you.~ ]
... He is glad he has some energon in his back, as he has realized this is probably going to take quite a lot of energy out of both of them.
He worries for a moment that he's taking this too seriously. Will the challenge cease to be fun for Ratchet if he cannot gain ground?
The follow up comment coupled with the sentiment from their bond pushes that aside for the time being. Ah. It is not an issue yet, at least.
Again he tries not to think too hard about Ratchet catching him. Focus on the road. Try to gain more ground. Don't get caught.
If nothing else, his fleeing will be limited by the energon in his tank.
He loses ground more than once, essentially slowly falling back to the same distance apart as when they began, due to some of the turns he had to navigate with greater care.
Recognizing that this is not an effective tactic, Ratchet decides to take his chances with predictions and... the woods. Whether Optimus realizes it or not, he spots a clear enough path and takes it, abandoning the 'direct' pursuit.
If it continues to curve from time to time, then eventually, he would return to the same road. He had no idea whether or not he would actually be ahead of Optimus though once he did return to it, but there was only one way to find out.
... If it does not curve that far, then his plan is for naught, and he will have to find his way out of the forest. But, he believes he will still be able to track down Optimus eventually, regardless.
It takes Optimus some time to realize he can no longer detect Ratchet anywhere behind him. Sensors crane. He cannot be that far back, surely....
Optimus slows. A risk, but he needs to make sure.
He dismisses the idea quickly; he would sense through their bond if Ratchet were distressed. No, he's up to something.
Optimus slows to a stop, processor in overdrive as dormant strategizing protocols come to life. There are other roads than this one. Could Ratchet be attempting to cut him off? If he is, Optimus's chances of outpacing him have now dropped to almost none. Could he be banking on Optimus predicting this, and lying in ambush somewhere behind him?
Optimus whirls around, gunning his engine and speeding back the way he came.
Meanwhile, Ratchet finds an upslope among the trees, and follows it in an effort to gain a vantage point, whether it meets a road or not. Optimus is likely still in vehicle mode, so he is not afraid of being spotted by his beautiful, dilating optics.
Once he has traveled high enough, he transforms to root mode, and begins to analyze the roads and sections visible to him in the distance. He knows his vision is not as specialized, but surely he would be able to notice a moving hint of color... And yet, he hasn't. Where is he?
The ambulance waits for a time, just in case Optimus is traveling behind a section of rock or other curves that remove him from his view, but when there is still no sign of him, he rests a hand on his jaw, and ponders.
If he is not visible by now, then logically, that would imply that he had realized Ratchet was no longer behind him... Did he stop driving forward, and backtrack? It would be the most strategic option, a certain method rather than taking a chance on being headed off or ambushed. Ratchet had not considered that possibility (he really should have, as it now feels like an obvious oversight on his part).
"Verrry clever, Optimus," he hums to himself as the sentiments of ...realization!! attraction ///// are shared through their bond.
He returns to vehicle mode, and begins to make his way back. It will be slower, but he chooses to remain offroad in an effort to keep himself unpredictably hidden, and try to make up lost ground with shorter paths.
Optimus turns onto a different road as soon as he finds a viable one that's not likely to be the same Ratchet's taken, no longer seeking the most winding ones but instead aiming to gain as much ground as possible in a different direction before his turnaround is discovered. Ideally Ratchet will believe he failed to overtake Optimus and continue down the rejoined path, but he cannot rely on that outcome. He will discover something amiss eventually.
The bond sentiment alerts him when he doesโfar sooner than Optimus had hoped. He shivers. Ratchet may not know his precise location now, but nor does Optimus know his. His estimate of the general direction will grow less and less accurate as time passes.
The mystery sends a nervous thrill through him. He is no longer just being chased, but hunted.
He lays out a map in his helm. It is tempting to try to get as far as possible from where they were, but the roads here still give him the best odds of outpacing Ratchet if he does find him. On the other hand, Ratchet may not expect him to leave the favorable terrain....
He could return to the house. That would be an amusing trick. But... not a fun conclusion to the game. No, he'll stay out here... where even if Ratchet catches up, it will become a race again. He simply needs to keep better track of the side paths.
He heads deeper into the forest for now.
With the knowledge that Optimus is putting in significant mental effort in addition to physical, Ratchet also expands his lines of thought as he travels. He had tried not to overthink; now, he knows that he needs to, if he is going to catch his conjunx.
Once he has returned to an earlier section of their original route, Ratchet once again makes his way up to a high vantage point, transforms, and searches. He looks at the road that would lead closest to their home, and sees nothing. He looks further up the road they had taken, in case Optimus had taken his bond as a 'hint' to mean he should turn around again. No sight of him.
Interesting... Could it be that he had also decided to try traveling amongst the winding metal and crystalline trees? Optimus knows that Ratchet would eventually have more of an advantage if he zeroed in on his position, but he also knows that Ratchet knows that, and the key factor to having an advantage would be locating him in the first place...
It seems this outing has become a mind game. Not exactly what he had intended, but enjoyable, nonetheless. He is happy Optimus is engaging so thoughtfully and with legitimate effort, rather than just catering to him.
For now, Ratchet closes his optics, and simply listens, antenna swaying as he tries to distinguish an engine among the sounds of nature. This is going to be more difficult than it would have been with Optimus' previous frame, as his engine was louder, but that is all right. If he cannot see or hear anything, he will depart to find a new area to search.
The path he's following is essentially a hiking trail, well-worn but not exactly made for racing. Ratchet would catch him easily, if he found him on it. Keyword if. Ratchet should still be some distance off and is unlikely to have pinpointed his location, giving him time to find more terrain where he can outpace him. In the meantime, it's still a shortcut... and a hiding place.
Somewhere in this forest is a larger road, one that winds among the trees up the mountain. On that, he could leave Ratchet in the dust. That fact makes it a likely place Ratchet may try to lookโone of several, anyway. The road they were on earlier was an excellent one, and the possibility of returning to it lingers in Optimus's mind. If only he could detect which direction Ratchet was now taking....
He keeps along the smaller trail, sensors still trained for the sound of Ratchet behind himโor from any direction.
Satisfied that Optimus is not near enough for him to locate, visually or audibly, he returns to ambulance mode and makes his way down the rocky hill to travel to another. Ratchet does temporarily return to the original, main road, just to speed up his progress in locating another potential vantage point. Then, he goes offroad, and once again perches, once again looks and listens, studying for any signs of Optimus while remaining quiet himself...
He feels as though this is the best outlook he has had thus far, and decides to utilize magnification lens that could shift down from his helm over his optics to improve his vision. They are typically intended for surgeries, but he had used them to search for survivors from time to time in war.
Still silently remaining where he is, he slowly scans for signs of Optimus at greater distances. All he needs is a trace... A short time spent on a clearer trail... A hint of painted metal...
Optimus pauses at the edge of the hiking trail, still under the cover of foliage, listening carefully and scanning for any signs of movement. Then he bursts out onto the wider road, swinging around the curves as he escapes up the mountain.
When Ratchet finally catches sight of him, he quickly realizes that Optimus has managed to reach a decent road, and even though he knows where he is, there is no possible way for him to catch up now...
He continues to watch his distant form in silence, processor rapidly analyzing for any options outside of the obvious. Only one comes to mind as plausible, inspired by the earlier realization that they have shifted in strategy.
It may not work, but it's worth trying. He opens their line, and purrs at him, [ I will see you soon.~ ] Technically, not a lie, as he can see him already, therefore he is continuing to do so.
He says nothing else, and simply continues to watch, waiting to see if his statement causes any confusion and, ideally, reconsideration. If Optimus thought that Ratchet predicted this route, surely he would come back... It's a bold bluff, but he does not have any other ideas. He can only hope to cause overthinking.
Ratchet's message sends Optimus's processor reeling. What does he mean by that? Is he behind him? Optimus still has the advantage even if he does. Surely he cannot be ahead... unless his calculations were wrong? They cannot be... can they?
His focus broken, Optimus's speed around the sharp curves visibly slows. Could Ratchet have thought far enough ahead that he'd headed towards this road earlier instead of trying to cut him off from a side trail, as he'd previously assumed?
That seems to be the only possible explanation... though if so, why would Ratchet give away his trap by gloating? Also, how does he know Optimus's location? Is he listening for him? His antenna does contain acute sensors, and if he's lying in wait, he has no need to strain to hear over the sound of his own engine.
Or is the message just a bluff?
He shivers, recalling the purr of his voice. Ratchet has put him in a difficult bind again, just with that comment. What does he want to do....
If Ratchet was so many steps ahead of him as to be waiting further along this road, that would be an impressive play. He is certainly capable of strategy, but would he have considered doing so? Their chases have never reached this level of complexity before.
.... Could Ratchet have returned to the house and bridged out? ... No... how would he know where to find Optimus? Unless it was only after realizing Optimus had turned around, and he'd taken a lucky guess....
Confidence broken, Optimus stops driving. Sensors crane as he listens carefully. Nothing but the usual sounds of the forest. For several moments he just stays there, alert and debating between continuing ahead, turning around, or leaving the road entirely. If Ratchet still is far from him, finding him in the wilderness will be a difficult challenge. If he is already waiting nearby, however, an off-road chase would not leave him with high chances, even if they're both in root mode.
Though, the thought of Ratchet tackling him to the forest floor is....
Those messy feelings rise in him again, and he puts his focus back on how to escape. If he stays on the road, even meeting Ratchet head-on might give him a better chance, if he remains alert and can turn around quickly enough. And perhaps, if he himself can make it back to the house... he can grab a cube of energon and head out in a different direction, before messaging him with a hint of his own....
He turns around, then stops again. What if Ratchet is bluffing, and making Optimus turn around again around is precisely his goal? Realistically, meeting him head-on will actually mean being caught.
Going against his own earlier logic, he transforms to root mode and disappears off the side of the road. He'll stay near it, so if Ratchet comes after him he'll have a chance to escape back onto it, but if Ratchet is driving along the road, he may pass by without noticing Optimus.
Ratchet grins to himself as Optimus seems to change speed. His comment did, indeed, cause him to second guess himself. Excellent. He continues to watch as he slows, like a sniper observing from a safe and distant perch. Ratchet did not expect him to change to root mode, however. That absolutely improves his chances.
All Optimus gets through their bond is amused endearment. He does not believe that will give anything away. In fact, it might make it all the more confusing. For all Optimus knows, he might be following him at a distance.
Putting away his lens, he returns to being an ambulance, and swiftly starts making his way to the very road Optimus had been uncertain of traveling. He hopes he can slow down, hide, and wait for him with a semi-accurate calculation for avoiding being detected. But, in this case, it would be difficult to gauge.
Once he has found a satisfactory tree to hide himself, near enough to the road to listen for an engine or footsteps, he waits patiently without a sound (truthfully a challenge in itself, as his fans tried to cool him down).
The bond sentiment sets Optimus to questioning again. It's just an emotion; it could be coincidental... but the timing is so specific, as if in reaction to Optimus leaving the road. Can Ratchet hear him? See him? Is he hiding nearby?
His spark whirls, filled with questioning uncertainty. If Ratchet is hiding, Optimus needs to get back on the road. But which way should he go?
The ground bridge possibility seems the most plausible, even more so now. If that's the case, Ratchet is up ahead. But if he's not, the issue of running into him still remains. If Ratchet can see him, he's likely off the road entirely.
But maybe he cannot. Maybe the timing of the feeling was a coincidence. It had felt very much like Ratchet being smug about having successfully baited Optimus into a trap, though.
He returns to the road. It may not be important which direction he drives... he simply needs to be ready to escape. Still, he should choose... back, or onward? If Ratchet is not up ahead, continuing onward is a much surer option. If he is... the idea of sneaking a cube of energon from their house so they can keep at this longer is appealing. But how can he tell? He cannot.
Returning to alt mode, Optimus waits on one of the bends of the road, ready to take off in either direction with a slight turn. If Ratchet is nearby... Optimus should know before long.
The medic's systems are slowly cooled while he waits, recovering from all the rapid and rough driving he's been doing. When enough predicted time has passed, however, he wonders if the bond sentiment DID give away too much. Perhaps Optimus halted again... He hopes he didn't turn around a second time and resume driving.
Ratchet begins walking near but still off the side of the road, much like he had witnessed Optimus doing, with an occasional pause to listen and (if he heard anything) take the time to search around. It is a slow process, but he doesn't want to make engine noise.
This almost feels like engaging in a search party, except there is no party, and he doesn't get to call out for a reply. But, sometimes individuals are unconscious rather than hiding, thus unable to respond to verbal calls. He tries to remain in that thorough hunting mindset.
The long wait leaves Optimus confused. Was he entirely mistaken? Was even the bond communication somehow a bluff, shared deliberately as Ratchet might control his field? Sparks do not lie, but it was not a complex nor uncommon sentiment, simply very specifically timedโwas that a coincidence after all?
Optimus begins to wonder if he should drive. Still, he cannot predict which direction Ratchet will come from. He is in a good spot now, ready to move as soon as he hears him.
... And he is not against another an actual chase with Ratchet on his tail. That was somewhat the point, despite how seriously he has begun taking trying to stay free of his clutches.
He waits. He listens. As his frame cools, even his fans fall silent. He keeps his sensors alert and even his field expanded, ready to detect the presence of another Cybertronian within its range if Ratchet chooses to try to sneak up on him.
Ratchet continues searching quietly, his own field fairly relaxed and close to himself, as he is not trying to give away his position and he truthfully did not expect Optimus to have his extended like an invisible radar.
The moment their fields finally meet, his antenna shoots up in surprise. A mutual notification. A mutual warning. He cannot take the time to transform, then pursue, or Optimus is going to return to the road (if he wasn't already on it) and flee before he has a chance to do anything except watch him leave!
He acts on impulse, for there is no time to truly think, no matter how rapid-fire his mental gears can turn. Ratchet lunges up toward the road out of hiding, providing momentum for himself as his pedes shift to allow his wheels to spin and propel him forward once they touch the ground. He rolls onto the road, spots Optimus, easily adjusts his direction like a skilled roller skater, and shoots toward him.
He also emits an, "AhHA!" when he sees him, bond delightedly pulsing, Found you!
Optimus has nearly relaxed on the road, with how much time has passed uneventfully. He remains poised, however, like a guard keeping watchโor a prey animal ready to make a break for it.
It is a peaceful location. Despite the reasonably maintained road, the area is wild and deserted, the shimmering foliage beautiful. A small creature darts between the branches occasionallyโthat's enough to keep his processor active, as it weighs whether each sound could be the approaching steps of his pursuer.
Ratchet's field touches his waiting one like an electric jolt. He hesitates a nanoklik, processor spinningโwhich direction? In front of him? Then a sound. Ratchetโโ
Tires screech as Optimus accelerates the same instant Ratchet bursts from the forestโin root, on his wheels, ready to capture him. Optimus's spark whirls in a flare of attraction and nervous thrill. Energon rushes in his audials. He's sure he feels him brush his platingโโ
Then he's free, swinging with another screech of tires around the next bend. His spark practically trembles with the intense action. There's a burst of delight when he realizes his victory, pleased and smug as his immersion in the moment takes overโa silent form of playful laughter.
He is so close. He reaches out with one hand while maintaining balance with his other. His palm and digits meet armorโ and victory slips out of his blunt finger tips. Ratchet did not manage to get an actual, firm hold on him.
He feels a moment of frustration as Optimus escapes, knowing he has missed his chance, knowing that he will be nigh impossible to catch him now, short of chasing him until their energon is depleted. But then he detects how Optimus feels about this. He feels his thrilled delight, and then the smugness. Frustration is replaced by relieved happiness, and instead of scowling, he smiles as his truck flees.
Ratchet transforms into vehicle mode and pursues him with motivation renewed, despite knowing it is unlikely he will be able to keep up. That will not keep him from trying his best, however, and this fact is evident by the volume of his engine. For now, he is in hot pursuit.
Optimus's engine burns as he once again pushes his frame to the limit, focusing hard to get around the curves of the switchback road. He's determined to gain ground between them as fast as possible, because while Ratchet may not be able to catch him on this road, there is another factor he needs to keep in mind.
Energon. He's a fair way from running out still, but he needs to reserve enough to make it back home without burning through his entire tank. Ratchet carries energon in his medpack, but relying on his 'opponent' for a meal is hardly the end he wants for their game. Besides, this poses an extra challenge and an extra chance for Ratchet.
The sound of Ratchet's engine behind him gets quieter. He pushes further, pushes until he can no longer hear him over the sound of his ownโand further, because Ratchet's hearing is stronger than his own, especially in alt. Only when he's been out of range for some time does Optimus slow, transform, and move off the road into the forest.
He hurries to get some distance, keeping his field pulled close about him and aiming to make as little noise as possible. He doesn't dare disable his fansโit's not worth potentially overheating his frame for thisโbut hopefully Ratchet won't be able to pick that up over the sound of his own fans and engine.
He ducks behind a tree, peering between the branches to keep sight of the road, and waits.
As suspected, despite how hard he is pushing himself, the ambulance slowly loses ground. He is still forced to either slow down or take turns with calculative sliding, as he would rather not crash. Optimus fades from his perception, but he does not give up. If his love is determined to run himself out of fuel, he is the only source they both have to recover. He will catch up to him eventually.
However, the strong determination results in Ratchet absolutely flying past Optimus' hiding position, none the wiser, and he keeps going at full speed.
Optimus stays completely still asโwithin just a few kliksโhe hears an engine approach. A blur of orange and white shoots past. That's his Ratchet.
Optimus waits as the sound fades, then waits a little longer. Not too long, though. Once he's confident Ratchet won't hear him, he hurries back to the road and returns to vehicle mode, beginning his drive back home.
He's as good as won now. It takes... several kliks for that to sink in. No interfacing, not on the agreed terms, anyway. Will Ratchet be disappointed? A thread of worry flits through his spark. Ratchet's attitude towards that form of intimacy often leaves him with confused feelings.
He recalls the frustration followed by relief and happiness he'd felt from him in his moment of escape. Perhaps it will be fine. Interface itself is rarely the point with Ratchet. He had fun, and....
[ Do I earn a prize if I win, old friend? ] he comms, humor in his voice.
He's about to also offer a hint that he's turned around, rather than leave poor Ratchet driving into the distance, but another idea strikes him, and he decides to wait just a little longer. His engine revs as he once again pushes himself to full speed, aiming to boost the margin that he beats Ratchet home by.
It is not until Optimus comms him that he... begins to slow down, then stop, then transform and stare at the zigzagging road ahead. There is no sign of another truck. Ratchet rests a hand on his own helm, fans still whirring loudly and frame heated from how long he had been pursuing.
He had missed him, somehow. For a brief moment, Ratchet is tempted to cheat by calling a bridge. He does not, however. He just sighs instead.
[ I.. believe you have, ] he responds after the delay. You win. Well done, he adds through their bond, resisting the urge to pout because Optimus' voice had been too pleasant to potentially ruin. The medic turns around, transforms, and begins to drive at a normal speed back the way he had come.
[ Hwat would you like as a prize? ]
Ratchet's response suggests that he's realized on his own what Optimus has managedโor if not, that he's conceding regardless. It seems he will no longer be attempting to catch him.
... Optimus does not slow down. He still has a reason to hurry home, and the concentration keeps his other thoughts quiet.
[ Hm... I will have to give it some thought, ] he answers to Ratchet's question. Something nice for Ratchet, to console him after the loss... perhaps not sexual, unless he shows clear desire for it. Actually, he knows just the thing... but he will keep it to himself until they've met up. For now, he focuses on the road.
He turns down the same hiking trail again as a shortcut, wheels bouncing along the rougher, steeper path. Ratchet could overtake him here, if he were closer behindโOptimus fantasizes briefly about the concept despite himself, sending a brief hint of flusteredness across the bond. Ratchet is too far away; that scenario will not be happening today.
The trail rejoins the winding road they'd chased each other along initially, and soon Optimus is racing back towards their house. He stops outside the garden, plating hot and fans roaring. His frame trembles a little as he stands up in root. That was... the most he's ever exerted this frame.
Thoughts of Ratchet's frame pinning him while he's in this state pop into his processor again. Why was he so determined to escape him? ... He knows why, mostly. It's those complicated emotions giving him a hangup. Why is he fantasizing now, then?
His spark is a difficult and illogical creature.
Sparing little time to rest, Optimus goes to the kitchen. His fans continue to blast hot air as he gathers ingredients. He is not making anything complexโhe is time limited and physically exhaustedโbut he wants to have a cold meal ready for Ratchet when he returns.
[ Understandable. We only discussed the result of my victory, not loss, ] he muses. Optimus has plenty of time to think on it, although he does wonder what he will ask. He hopes he can decide on something he wants...
Ratchet's uncomfortably heated state slowly cools as he travels at a significantly more leisurely pace, fading alongside the thrill of pursuit. He has not experienced such a degree of extensive exertion in ages, as there has been no need outside of a rare, genuine emergency. But those are still minor by comparison to the worst of the war.
He does not want to do this again soon, but, perhaps, on occasion, it would be an interesting chance of pace. The idea of catching and claiming his spouse in the wilderness is still quite appealing, but a chase of this magnitude is not actually required for that... unless Optimus preferred it. He would try to quiz him about his feelings and opinions of everything later.
The ambulance does consider trying one last time to head him off, but considering he has no idea just how far ahead Optimus is, the chance of success is far too small to feel worth the effort. Weariness has begun to set in, and considering just how hard Optimus had tried (and SUCCEEDED) to stay out of his grasp, he is willing to accept that he either: found the chase enjoyable and thrilling enough to take it so seriously, or he did not actually want to be caught. Possibly both.
Ratchet tries not to think about the latter too hard, as it would be very easy to read too much into it, to fall back into the self-sabotaging cycle of feeling he had not been good enough at seduction, had not been smart enough to outthink and out maneuver him. It had been a long game, and he lost. He cannot allow that to inspire Optimus to feel guilty for his well-earned victory...
Around the very time he is having a mental debate with himself about it, he detects a hint of Optimus' fantasizing, and his worries are soothed. So Optimus did like the idea and is either thinking about it, or something similar. Wonderful.
Although spared during the first hint, Ratchet cannot resist responding the second time he feels a similar sentiment. Perhaps another time~ his half of their bond whispers, I love you.
The responding sentiment from Ratchet causes a slight flush to appear in his spark, almost timid and drawn in on itself. It's not quite shame, at leastโthat feeling is buried far deeper.
He keeps his attention on his task. Chilled energon makes up the base, and a peridot flavor seems like the perfect refreshing additionโits gentle tang should hopefully give some energy back to his tired bondmate. As the mixer dissolves it, he turns back to the cold storage. There are several portions of a gel dessert still left in here, shimmering pale pink with rose quartz and silver shavings. He cuts a small sliver and tastes it alongside the peridot, just to confirm his theory. He is certainly not the first to combine these flavors, as there are plenty of recipes that incorporate bothโyes, it does work.
He pours the chilled peridot-energon into two drinking glasses, then takes two servings worth of the dessert and slices it into smaller cubes, dropping half into each glass. They settle lightly at the bottom, the pinks muted by the green-tinted energon.
His spark ripples in satisfaction. He's finished before Ratchet's return, meaning that this will be a pleasant surprise for him.
He places Ratchet's cube in the cold storage to keep it fully chilled for him. Optimus himself is... very hungry, so he begins to sip his own, and uses a spoon to scoop out a few of the gel cubes. He refrains from drinking it all, howeverโonce he's had about a third off the top, he puts it away next to Ratchet's so he can finish with him.
Since he no longer plans to try to outmaneuver or head off Optimus, Ratchet's primary directions become much simpler: follow the quickest, easier route home, including shortcuts through the woods as needed. The straighter his path home, the sooner he could arrive. And eventually, he does, with no effort to hide himself.
Ratchet remains outside for longer than usual, however, as he is utilizing an outdoor platform to wash off. The system is typically intended for cleaning ones pedes and tires, if relevant, but he had extended the hose further in an effort to rinse and clean all of himself the best he could after his significant time spent in and out of undefined wilderness paths. Once he is satisfied that he is presentably clean, he flares and shakes his plating, then attempts to dry himself off.
Optimus lounges in one of the living room chairs while he waits for Ratchet's return. The sound outside alerts him when he arrives. A little relief slips out alongside a welcome through the bond; if he had taken too long to return, Optimus would have begun to worry.
He gets up from his chair and retrieves the two cubes, which he sets on the tableโthen blinks as he hears the sounds of solvent continue for longer than expected. Ratchet must be giving himself a proper wash. Picking up the cubes again, Optimus heads outside, where he stands waiting near him.
He responds to the relieved welcome with a hint of affection and reassurance that he is okay, but he primarily focuses on cleaning off.
Audials prick as he hears their door open, turning partially toward him as he continues drying. His white paint is exceptionally reflective from the dampness, while the edges and seams of his plating are more defined.
Ratchet is reminded of his hunger when his gaze lowers to the cubes Optimus is holding, and he sets aside the absorbent material in favor of focusing on fuel. His helm tilts as he steps nearer, inquiring, "Is this a new combination?" as he analyzes the cubes' compositions.
"Indeed," Optimus answers. His optics may linger a little on Ratchet's well-defined form as it shines under the traces of solvent, silently appreciating the view.
"Perhaps we might sit together in the garden?"
He smiles at that, already interested in tasting it out of curiosity, rather than just hunger. He doubts he will ever truly grow accustomed to the luxury of having such pleasant meals, elegantly crafted by recipes Optimus has found or his clever experiments.
"That would be nice," he nods to the suggestion. After a moment of hesitation, he holds out his hand, presuming the full cube is intended for him. It still feels odd, sometimes, to be expectant of anything exclusively intended for himself, no matter how reasonable and logical it is.
Ratchet's presumption is indeed correctโOptimus places the full cube in his servo without any hesitation. He is certainly not here just to taunt him by drinking in front of him.
Mixed emotions still linger in his spark, but that has frankly been normal for him as of late, and he tries to keep them subtle. He hopes Ratchet is content, that he's not too disappointed by the outcome of the game, and that the meal will improve his mood.
When Ratchet is ready, he will walk to the garden with him.
It is difficult to be a sore loser after witnessing Optimus not only engage seriously and enjoy himself during their game, but also thoughtfully prepare a lovely meal for Ratchet's return. He does not wait to drink from the cube, savoring the coolness and taste.
"Mmm, that is quite good," he hums, antenna wagging as he accompanies his spouse. Thank you.
Relief ripples through him again, and he smiles faintly at the sight of Ratchet's wagging antennaโa sure sign of a positive mood. Everything is all right for now, then. "I am pleased it is to your liking."
He waits for Ratchet to get settled, then offers him a spoon so that he can also reach the rose quartz gel cubes at the bottom of his energon if he wishes. Only afterwards does he begin to drink again from his own.
Responses such as, 'I enjoy everything you make,' come to mind, but Ratchet does not say them. He thinks more carefully, and tries to consider himself, tries to consider the intent behind it and how to describe in a more specific manner, rather than a generalized one (no matter how well-meaning).
"It has a nice taste, and effect? After exertion," he says instead as he rests beside him, then accepts the spoon. Ratchet makes no other comments as he focuses on consuming the refreshing, specially made treat, antenna still swaying as his fuel levels increase.
Optimus's field brightens a little as Ratchet's compliment affirms that he accomplished his exact goal. He'd escalated the chase and by extension the level of exertion far past what Ratchet had likely anticipated, so a cooling and refreshing meal seemed ideal to help him recover.
... He is certainly enjoying it himself as well, savoring the combination of flavors and textures. He scoops another small cube out, eating it along with the energon pooled in the spoon around it.
Some time later, as they're finishing, he comments, "I have given consideration to my prize for winning our game." His optics linger on Ratchet, field monitoring him quietly.
The medic's smile grows slightly, despite not looking up, as he detects the positive response to his small test. He mentally notes that more specific appreciation for Optimus' thoughtfulness does appear to be superior to generalized enjoyment. Therefore, he will try to be more mindful of this in the future.
He wishes he knew sooner, but it is possible that Optimus did not think of or know how to express that any more than Ratchet had, and every time a conversation has become about wishing for a change in the past to improve the present, it never actually helps either of them feel better.
Blinking as he finishes his fuel, he focuses on Optimus with pricked audials. "Oh? And hwat have you decided?" Despite lingering weariness, he no longer feels like collapsing into berth soon, so he hopes he can support whatever Optimus requests.
Optimus reaches over and trails his digits down Ratchet's forearm, stopping at his servo and rubbing lightly at his wrist. "I believe permission to provide a massage for you is a fair request."
After all, Ratchet's chosen prize would have been providing something nice for Optimus. This is in that sense equivalent, adapted according to their relative needs. It also, like the meal, seems an appropriate follow up for the high level of physical exertion. He cannot have Ratchet winding up sore, after all.
Subtle warmth surfaces in response to the touches, and his antenna curls when Optimus verbalizes his intention.
His first impulse is to claim that doesn't sound very much like a prize for Optimus, but he once again holds his glossa, keeping his jaw locked to make himself analyze first. If Ratchet had won, he would have exerted himself more in taking Optimus, despite viewing that as a privilege worthy of such intense pursuit. What Optimus is asking, is a reverse of that, except tailored more toward taking care of Ratchet's weariness after his loss.
By taking the time to think of it like a problem to analyze, rather than allowing his selflessness to speak first, he knows this is a genuinely fair request. That does not make it easy to respond, though.
"... That does sound.. very nice, at the moment," he admits in a murmur, audials lowering and field warmth increasing. "..... Did you intend to here? Or in berth?" Either had suitable furnishing for relaxing upon, due to... prior experiences resulting in updated comforts.
Optimus watches while Ratchet seems to... resist an urge, probably to protest against the selfless "prize". He waits, patient as he mulls it over, hopeful that he will see the reasoning behind it without Optimus needing to delicately spell it out.
His gaze softens at Ratchet's quiet acquiescence, that tone of his voice causing an aching flutter in his spark. "Do you have a preference?" he murmurs back, thumb stroking the back of Ratchet's servo.
His optics are so lovely, his voice so beautiful, especially when he does not appear to be stressed... Ratchet's hand adjusts into gently holding Optimus' digits while he considers the next question.
"..... Here, in the garden." He had intended to corral Optimus in the wilderness. They had spent an extended time among nature. It feels appropriate to conclude in their own curated space of crystals and plants at home, making it easier for him to decide a preference.
Optimus gives a slight nod, smiling at his choice. The garden will be a lovely place to care for him.
"Whenever you are ready."
He hums, and after ensuring he has entirely finished his fuel, he glances over at Optimus again.
"... May I give you a small prize of my own?" Ratchet requests, soft spoken, "I promise I am not going to pounce."
Optimus... blinks. He's been focused. He's been trying to keep the unhelpful thoughts at bay. He wants to give to Ratchet and treat him nicely while his spark feels okay, before that troublesome messiness returns.
Nervousness flickers. He stalls his fans for an instant, willing it away. Ratchet wants to do something for him... of course he does. ... The disclaimer helps, at least. Despite Ratchet rather clearly conveying wanting to pounce on him, it is difficult to categorize it as anything other than his...
The love that makes him want to see Optimus happy.
Optimus doesn't deconstruct the idea any further, despite the way his spark curls around itself. Ratchet wants to make him happy. That is simply a... neutral fact. His voice was so soft. He evidently wants that very much.
He manages to ease himself back into a state of curiosity. "What did you have in mind?"
He almost worries that he has, somehow, ruined it. But he does not say anything. He waits, just as Optimus waited when he had hesitations to think.
Ratchet leans closer as he answers, "I would like to kiss you now, because if you are going provide me with a massage, I doubt we will be able to later. I may even doze off."
... The request does not surprise him, but he still... takes a moment, his spark spinning oddly. Whatever feeling that causes it is unclear even to him.
He pushes it aside with a quiet exvent and manages to give him a faint smile. Ratchet simply likes to kiss him... and he promised not to pounce, so this is not an attempt to get out of his massage.
"Mm... that is quite reasonable."
He still waits for permission, despite his own urges and insecurities. He is patient. And once he does have permission, Ratchet tilts his helm and presses their intakes together. No teasing, no exploring, no wandering hands. Just a lingering kiss, with a loving field.
"... That should temporarily pacify how attracted I felt to your challenging and outsmarting," he murmurs afterward, before leaning back and moving away.
Ratchet removes his back storage to set it aside, then lays down nearby on a large cushion with many smaller ones for adjustable comfort. He adjusts a few until he is settled, then streeeeeetches... and relaxes.
Optimus expects Ratchet to try to leave him weak and needy. He expects a glossa pushing in, servos gripping and holding him. He expects his own inner conflict to claw up from his spark as the part of him that loves to be at Ratchet's mercy clashes against his growing frustration with himself and the imbalance between them.
But that never occurs. As the kiss remains innocent, Optimus begins to relax. There is no imbalance about this, no pressure to compete and match Ratchet's typically generous attention. It is simply a touch of intakes. Simply an act of love....
Optimus winds the feelings in his spark into a tight ball before tears can start to form in his optics. That would be as much a distraction from his goal of providing as him melting under Ratchet's attentive touch.
His gaze is soft but withdrawn when Ratchet eventually pulls away. The comment makes him blink. Ah... His spark twists into a flustered knot.
Temporarily pacify. Attracted.
It takes Optimus several moments to compose himself. He mustโhe's decided on it. Ratchet is waiting. He won this right to treat him generously, as Ratchet so often does to him. Even with no effort, Ratchet is able to remove his functioning. An impressive feat, but also one that has allowed Optimus to become rather selfish.
Once he's able, he moves near his resting bondmate and gets settled beside him. Reaching over, he brushes his digits across back plating... then begins to aim for the sensitive less-armored areas, pressing and rubbing thoroughly.
As with several instances during this experience, Ratchet is glad his partner remained relaxed, glad that he himself did not do something that felt wrong.
And he is a little smug about flustering him with merely a comment, despite the innocent kiss.
While Optimus is recovering, Ratchet rests with optics closed. He would not have been able to see him very well without turning his helm and neck to an uncomfortable degree, which seems unwise when he is suppose to relax and recover from his exertion.
His field remains casually expanded without trying to blanket, sharing sentiments in small waves once Optimus is next to him. As he feels his digits, his plating raises slightly along nearby areas, allowing easier access where he can... It is not long before he exvents deeply, field showing appreciation and contentment.
Optimus is thorough and attentive in his massage efforts. His digits slip under the edges of raised plating, rubbing circles into the areas beneath. He rubs the outer plates as well, caressing with the palms of his servos, ensuring that all accessible areas of his frame are touched at least once.
The medic continues to relax under the enjoyable pampering, with an occasional purr forming for especially difficult to reach places, before quietening again.
When Optimus rubs at his low back, however, his voicebox produces a quiet noise. The response surfaces again when attention is given to his upper thighs (primarily where they meet his hips). These areas had been utilized a bit differently than usual due to his sudden roller skating stunt, despite how brief it was, and he can already feel the side effects of his recklessness.
He should have taken the time to stretch while he was searching for him; a clear oversight on his part.
Optimus keeps his field as soft and pleasant as he can manage, layered carefully over Ratchet as he keeps working with his digits. At the sound of the moan, he falters, and another feeling flickers through itโbrief and vague before it's gone. He composes himself and continues. Ratchet is simply appreciative of his loosening tight cables; there is no reason for him to read anything more into it.
He continues. The simple act of touch should not be sexualizedโhe will not allow that to compromise the quality of his attention.
The sound repeats. He falters. That feeling comes back clearer this timeโsomething like shame makes a swirl around him before he's able to force it down.
Don't think, he tells himself. Thinking will disturb my spark. Ratchet will feel that, and that will ruin this.
A slow vent cycle. He continues. He ignores the prickling behind his optics. Everything is fine. He will treat Ratchet well.
He stretches under select touches, before relaxing again with a vent. Optimus' field is pleasant, while his touch is both enjoyable and encouraging for him to rest.
Ratchet is already drowsy when he detects the uncontrolled emotion from his partner, causing mostly shuttered optics to open briefly... Not that he can see him, as he is face down on a cushion.
Why are you ashamed..? curious sentiments weave into his own (still calm, affectionate) field, followed by, I want to be wanted / attractive to you. He feels like that should have been established by now, but he will remind him anyway.
Shame flickers again, this time at his own emotional lapse. Ratchet is still calm, at least, thoughโcuriosity seems not to have yet given way to stress. That is a small consolation.
Is he ashamed of being attracted to Ratchet? Perhaps, in some senses. It is not wrong to appreciate himโhis partnerโbut....
Something about the scene in front of him sits like a weight in his spark. Uneasy, wrongโas if his beholding is an act of sacrilege. Ratchet's enjoyment... Ratchet deserves to enjoy, but witnessing the expression of it is a separate privilege. One that Optimus does not deserve.
He doesn't have a good response for him. He can only acknowledge the sentiments, though even that is mostly perfunctory. Good intentions are the best he has to offer.
He frowns to himself as he overrides the urge to sit up and snatch him, to trap him in a hug and lay back down with him for his illogical foolishness. Because if he did, Ratchet knows he would probably make Optimus' guilt complex worse. That seemed to be the case more often than not, lately, as Ratchet acting on comforting instinct only served to magnify the very guilt his spouse was dealing with.
So, he does not do anything. Difficult as that is. He exvents, and shutters his optics again, trying to return to relaxing fully while ignoring Optimus' internal struggle. Whether that actually helps or not, at least he knows he isn't actively making it worse through his own actions this time. If Optimus breaks down emotionally over this, it isn't his fault. He's doing what was asked of him. Despite being relevant to him, he cannot fix what his partner is going through. He needs to continue to tell himself that, rather than becoming emotionally unstable too.
He focuses on his touches, instead of his underlying issues. Focuses on remembering the thrill of their game, and that Optimus considerately greeted him with refreshing fuel and the request to care for him, which were arguably rewards, despite the fact that he lost.
Maybe, if he can continue to prioritize those feelings of love in their bond instead of worry and concern, it will be healthier for them both. Maybe, if he can at least partially doze off, it will prove that Optimus hasn't ruined all the things that had made up a very pleasant day.
The feeling persists, lingering in the corners of his spark as he continues to press his digits beneath Ratchet's plating. Rub, slide, caress.... He may be unworthy of witnessing his pleasure, of even touching him like this, but Ratchet deserves such treatment, and fate has made Optimus the only one able to grant it. He may be unworthy of his love, but what is this if not a droplet in the bucket towards redemption?
As Ratchet's concern ebbs, so too does the disturbance in Optimus's spark. Not entirelyโit does not vanishโbut his emotions ease back into a delicate equilibrium. For now, he is fine; for now, he is moving toward being a good partner.
He does not cling to the loving feelings Ratchet shares, but their presence within his awareness is enough to dampen his optics. Still, he attends to him. Even when a tear spills, he keeps his servos steady. Ratchet's knee and ankle joints need attention, and the plating between needs loving caresses. Each curve of metal is familiarโhe navigates by touch.
Life is not inherently fairโhe learned that long ago. Such is the nature of privilege. It may take another eon, but he will make himself worthy of him.
When Optimus' state does not worsen, and perhaps even levels out, it is easier for Ratchet to continue to believe he is doing the best thing he can: nothing. It is easier for him to remain relaxed and enjoy the attention provided, appreciating the careful and thorough touches that inspired warmth in his field. It is easier for the exhaustion from his earlier exertion to cloud his processor and tempt him into a light recharge...
He does not have much of a response by the time Optimus has reached his pedes. His antenna sways slightly on occasion, but he is no longer emitting any sounds beyond the quiet cycles of his vents.
Ratchet's steady relaxation is the most soothing reassurance that could be given to Optimus's spark. It tells him he's doing well. It tells him he's enough, at least for now. Worries still nip now and again at his processorโquestions of whether he should not have put so much effort into 'winning' their game, if Ratchet was eager to catch himโbut he cannot undo the outcome. Besides....
He releases a soft exvent, gazing down at him. His servos linger for a few more moments, caressing the shapes of his pede. Ratchet, always striving so hard to please him, yet clearly in need of so much care himself. Different care than Optimusโdifferent needsโhence why an inverse of what he'd promised if he'd caught him would not have been appropriate.
With care, Optimus lays his pede back down. His gaze lingers upon him.
He stretches out beside him, shuddering lightly, their pauldrons just barely bumping together. If he presses his face into the bedding to hide a few tears... hopefully that doesn't matter too much.
Undisturbed, the ambulance's white paint reflects the glow of various crystals and plants of their garden as he rests comfortably. Ratchet remains still and peaceful for a while...
His dozing is still more of nap than actual recharge, however, and it is not a consistent state. As he vaguely becomes aware of the fact that Optimus is no longer pampering him, Ratchet's field expands to 'feel' for him. Once he processes that he is next to him, his nearest arm adjusts to lay across Optimus. And then he pulls him closer, adding his partner to the cushions he is using as a bed at the moment, before he attempts to return to snoozing.
He just has part of his weight on Optimus now, but combined with his half holding, it still assures him that he cannot leave. They are together. He can continue to rest.
Optimus somewhere expected a behavior of this nature, and allowing him that was part of his motivation for lying near him.
It is a... vulnerable feeling, being trapped in Ratchet's hold while emotions swirl messily in the depths of his spark, but that is not altogether bad. Given that Ratchet's relaxed state has remained for the most part unspoiled, it....
It feels good. A relief. He can... exist, as he is, without dragging Ratchet down. At least for this moment.
Never did Ratchet think one of the greatest challenges in his life to comprehend and overcome... would be the impulsive urge to soothe and comfort the love of his life.
But, now that he has managed to resist that several times, and managed to restrain his controlling desire to fix things, he has the evidence to support that that is what his partner needs. Optimus needs to understand that being broken, that feeling messily, is okay. That Ratchet can give him that space, just as Optimus has given him during struggles that he did not want to be coddled over it.
Ratchet wishes he understood sooner. He wishes he had not given him more reason to feel guilt when his own reactions were less than stable. He can't change that. He can only change his behavior now, and try to continue to respect what he understands better, and hope it actually helps.
Thus, he limits himself to the simple holding and resting against him. He does not pet him, he does not offer him field sympathy (or worse, his own underlying sentiments of guilt), he just tries to prove that they can exist, they can still have nice experiences, while they overcome this obstacle together (or apart, whenever one of them needs space, that is okay too). They have always managed somehow, be it injury or illness or loss or being at war with themselves.
The ambulance's period of heightened awareness fades out again, field leveling out into relaxed warmth again, rather than carrying hints of controlled expressions.
