"You're stuck on a certain story, that is preventing you from trusting." - Orna Guralnik
Oh....my goodness!!!! So good! I love that it took a neutral example to confirm that Alexes was likely projecting! That he had this narrative (that Casimar prioritises his extended family over his relationship with Alexes) and he was so focusing on constantly proving that narrative.
These are some of the Unhelpful Narratives that still show up in my life in some form:
I am alone
No one understands me
I am not safe
I am not lovable
I think from that episode, I was reminded of how important it is to look at the narratives that my actions are driven by. Maybe I have no idea what the narrative is, but if I focus on the action...it's much more manageable to drill down and find what the engine is.
This also applies to Bear, but I make sure that I look at me first. Because the key in changing my circumstances (or any dynamic) is for me to change myself. I do struggle to agree that my environment is essentially a mirror of what is happening inside of me because
One of the exercises (Day 6) from Louise Hay's 'Mirror Work' I'll likely be using often is flipping Unhelpful Narratives to Helpful Narratives. This is probably one of the most helpful ways that I was able to further understand the importance of affirmations.
I can lean more towards these Helpful Narratives:
I am not alone (My Found Family is there to support me through life)
I feel deeply understood (As I spend time with myself, I am able to strengthen my bond with myself. The result is that I am able to let the right people in because I trust my instincts.)
I am safe (I have people who I trust who can help make the world a safer place.)
I am deserving of Healthy Love (I only need to be more of myself. The right people will be drawn to my orbit as I speak my truth. Who I am right now is enough.)
I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to pitch it to Bear as she has mentioned that to believe something she needs proof. My initial approach was the idea that she'll unlikely change the trajectory of her thinking if she doesn't start.
As I sit with what I now know about the power of knowing that I can choose my mindset and once I do that my entire body will follow that thinking. I would credit the work of Marisa Peer as she has been able to illustrate how we can change the trajectory of our life by choosing the story we embrace.
PS: The quote is from Episode 8 Season 4 of 'Couples Therapy'.
