Bear & Hedgy

We are two Highly Sensitive (HSP) Middle Aged Women Of Colour who fancy each other. Bear is Canadian and Hedgy is Australian.

[bearhedge]

[Bear says something excitedly]

Hedgy: [Thinks] "Cats?"

[Bear seems to say something similar in a different way.]

Hedgy: [Thinks] "Pants?"

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Eventually, when I got a chance to ask Bear, what she said had to with something I wrote.

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[bearhedge]

"This story is about the miraculous power you hold inside of you to heal your own life, which gets unleashed, ironically, the moment you stop thinking about yourself." - Lynne McTaggart

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Part of me was so annoyed reading this. But then I was reminded of the most recent book of Helen and Harville. That by giving space to our conversation partner, they would more likely feel safe and might also get to a place where they make space for us.

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My biggest challenge is figuring out

PS: the quote is from the prologue of 'The Power Of Eight'.

[bearhedge]

[Hedgy wears her new sunnies and is happy that it fits well that she does mock poses: serious faces like those Guess and Burberry ads.]

Bear: Say something like Horatio.

[Hedgy considers it, then puts on the sunnies again.]

Hedgy: This case is a doozy.

[Removes them.]

Hedgy: But we'll find a way.

[Bear makes a similar screaming sound to what was on the show.]

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At first I had no idea what Bear was talking about. Then it clicked

I wonder how long it lasted? Maybe a couple of seconds?

I'm going to make note to ask Bear how many episodes of 'CSI: Miami' she has watched. I was more of a 'CSI' Vegas one, and it is was likely because it was the first. Also, it was the time when I enjoyed the character

Because it was her who mentioned that Horatio does something with his sunnies during each Cold Open sequence of the show. Then showed me one of those scenes. Which is why I know.

It also helped that while I was deciding to pick the one I wanted to go with, she noted the Aviator Style ones.

(I'm not the kind who might wear them because they are trickier to use as a headband.)

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[bearhedge]

"...I want to know, even before I begun the story." - Esther Perel

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In some ways, Bear wants to know this if it is linked to her being abandoned.

What is amazing is that she didn't need to know a whole bunch of things about me before she committed to taking the next step, then the next. Whereas I needed to have certain things confirmed for my vetting process.

In a way, Bear is courageous in some aspects and really hesitant in others. I can lean into gratitude that those areas are complimentary to mine. Even if the result would be another rupture, it's the repair that allows for fortifying areas that might benefit from more resilience.

PS: The quote is from Esther's appearance in Nicole's podcast.

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[bearhedge]

"That's interesting, that you noticed that. How I pick the podcasts I listen to."

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If you were to ask me a month ago how certain podcast episodes help me sleep, I would have likely told you that it's important for me to be interested in what is being discussed.

Initially, Bear was wanting to confirm if I specifically want to listen to something that bores me that I'll end up sleeping. I clarified that if it's something that bores me, I'll want to change it because I'll end up being annoyed.

But then a realisation dawned on her when I mentioned that it'll be great if she reads me something that she wants to learn about that I might also want to hear. That it's a way I could get to know another aspect of her.

This led me to that realisation that I pick what I listen to for safety. How it was likely when I started listening to podcasts to drift off that symptoms of my Chronic Illness was showing up and I had yet to notice it. Because if I had something playing that had a person talking about something that allows me to be seen. That I'll likely be safe around this person.

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[bearhedge]

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Even Rosamund agrees that if women were given power it would be nothing like what it is now. I like that Roxane Gay mentioned in an interview that her definition of feminism is that power is shared.

I also appreciate another person pointing out that the story had a special goal: it is Damien's journey.

PS: The screenshots were taken from responses to Rosamund's Post

[bearhedge]

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At first I thought the reviews praising the film were planted. But then there are ones like these and it gives me hope that women have shown up for this film.

The coolness factor increases once I noticed that it's their first review! I initially thought this was going to be something that wouldn't live up to the intuitive nudge I got when I initially heard about it.

I mean, why would Rosamund, Fiona, and Emily say 'yes' to a film if it didn't live up to what it promised!?

Bear and I both give the film 7/10

PS: Screenshot from Rotten Tomatoes

[bearhedge]

"Do you think he experienced that in real life?"

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I was already accepting that Bear wouldn't want to watch this with me because of Sacha. Which why experiencing being asked that question allows me to be more hopeful about what's to come.

To my surprise, when I asked if she would be open to watch the epilogue, because Sacha wasn't in the scene, she mentioned that she'd be open to watch it from the start.

I think there was a part of me that wanted to dig in. That I'm utterly confused that her view was totally different when I floated the idea of watching the film 3 weeks ago. What I can remind myself is that road doesn't help me get to a place where I am able to nurture a more connected In Between with Bear.

There are comments on the trailer that have floated the idea that Sacha did this as a condition of his divorce. I could see the possibility that it's something he did for optics. But...I want to believe what Bear wonders: that he kind of went through a process of epiphanies and just changed.

I know, it's kind of too forgiving. But what is the other choice? That he's doing it to be able to win over people who are hesitant to invest in a project he's developing?

I'd rather lean towards hope. It's not easy. Because culture dictates I be mistrustful. That I'll just get hurt. But if I lean towards that direction, I'll likely miss out on shifting to this world where his epiphanies fuel epiphanies of other men who still have narratives that result in women not being safe in this world.

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[bearhedge]

"Sometimes art just finds itself." - Spring Aspers

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This might be my first time seeing how Spring looks like. I am delighted that she's dressed in a sort of Wash and Wear aesthetic.

I like that I might process paths with her at the supermarket. That she might be the sort of person I'd sit next to on the train (even if it's been a long time since I felt safe enough to take the bus or train).

When I read the comments, I was surprised that there was someone pointing out that Spring was trying to make it seem like she contributed more than she did.

Part of me wanted to say...

"The president of Sony Music would have likely been able to help significantly. That the process would have speeded up, and be able to suggest other ways to approach what the filmmakers were hoping to achieve."

...but maybe this person wanted Spring to talk about specific things?

(This is me attempting to express a frustration and also making sure that i consider the most generous interpretation of why this person might have written what they did. It's linked to me wanting to rewire my brain so I'm not just trapped in that perspective of what this person didn't do. The approach has been helpful in allowing that space when something Bear said or did activates a threat to my Sense Of Safety. The rupture may still happen, but it allows for quicker repair and possibly still feeling connected to Bear during the process.)

PS: The quote is from the conversation hosted by the Grammy Museum with Spring, EJAY, Ian, and Dana.

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[bearhedge]

"Do cats chase dogs in this world?"

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Based on reviews and comments, this film was not looked forward to. Could it be that because a lot of women have been grieving and been sitting with their traumatic experiences?

PS: The quote is from 'Ladies First'

Because if someone doesn't feel heard, they would likely struggle to have empathy for anything else than what they are experiencing.

Maybe other feminists feel that Damien is better off sent to a different kind of world. But then, isn't increasing his discomfort the point? Because it's unlikely he'll change if that wasn't addressed.

[bearhedge]

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Part of me wants to rejoice that i no longer do this.

(or at least rarely by the time Bear and I crossed paths.)

What Bear and I have been working on is more on recognising our Blind Spots and when we are going through an Emotional Storm.

I think for me it's

PS: The screenshot is from a section of 'Two Of Us'

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[bearhedge]

"I don't mention this in my books, but they smell bad. So bad." - Rachel Reid

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Another win from the YouTube algorithm! I'm now curious how they refine it.

(Other than that option in the results.)

I'll have to ask Bear what the process is to keep them smelling clean! Is it the helmet!? The pads!?

I love that Nicole was able to steer conversation so she and Rachel might end up in places like this!

PS: The quote is from Rachel's appearance on 'Why Won't You Date Me?"

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[bearhedge]

"When you tell yourself that you can't eat what you want, you also tell yourself that you can't have what you want. That you can't be trusted That you're out of control. That what you want will destroy you." - Geneen Roth

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A number of pages before I came across this section, there was one about something similar. I moved on. Likely wanting to escape whatever feeling that bubbled up.

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I think even if this realisation connects to so many aspects of my life (which Geneen mentions), there's still this part of me that believes that there's no way it can be true: how I've been living my life more than 3 decades with these narratives that are leading me away from the kind of life that I want.

How I can be kind to myself is to take that step and be thankful that I was able to note this quote down. That Bear and I are committed to each other that even if our respective Core Wounds are activated, we are able to find our way to each other.

PS: The quote is from Chapter 4 of 'Lost And Found' (Page 130 of 366)

[bearhedge]

"I got a different kind of nachos----Where's my nachos!? Noooooo....!!!"

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Bear was putting her Supermarket Items away and noticed that there was something missing in her order.

Turns out that she didn't add the item because the total amount was more than she expected. That probably fuelled a part of her to be reminded that she already has a different kind of Corn Chips.

(It's the kind of Corn Chips that was Red and White.)

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[bearhedge]

"Maybe that's why people didn't like it? It's disorienting, but I'm okay with it."

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I guess I'm part of the 10% who thought the film was okay?

PS: Bear asked me to put that quote in as we were watching the scene where I first sampled the film and decided it was okay.

[bearhedge]

"We're supposed to be annoyed with people. We're not supposed to be the same. We're supposed to be different and you're supposed to be annoyed at Uncle Randy at dinner because he has some archaic point of view. If he talks about it too much, you can say: 'Can we please move on from that subject?" You know? You're allowed to state your opinion. Their allowed to state theirs back. And Uncle Randy sucks. And he's always gonna suck, you guys. He's not going to not suck. " - Kristen Bell

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I feel like this is a bit of a reminder that embracing difference is the way forward. This also means that it would greatly benefit the In Between that Bear and I have where the aim is to keep communicating to her that I accept all of her.

One of the things Bear doesn't want to be is an annoyance. I think it might be worth having a conversation about that. Because if she's not willing to risk being annoying, she won't be at that place where she may be more open to my influence and we can work on that Third Way.

PS: The quote is from an episode of Re: Thinking in front of a Live Audience hosted by Adam Grant

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[bearhedge]

"That is what made Season One so strong. We hear the Sally tapes in the first part of S2, but then she disappears until the first Episode of S4, but that's it."

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I've decided to find all Sally's appearance (even if it's just her on tape) in the show as a way to spend more time with my Inner Children.

No idea if it's just an Inner Teenager or that I might connect to a number of Inner Children and Inner Teens.

(What prevented me from attempting to watch those Sally Scenes was just the lack of a reference which ones they are.)

Since Janeane Garofalo didn't get official credit for her voicing Sally, it isn't as easy to find episodes compared to Amy Aquino. It was really good to be able to watch those episodes with Bear. It's interesting that Dr. Pavone went through a period (was it 5 years?) separated from her partner.

So far, I have....

Season 1 Episode 1 - Opening Scene (Felicity as sender --- I was surprised how long it goes and reminded why it's likely something I might refer to if I were writing a Romantic Comedy) & Ending (Sally as sender) starting around the 40 minute mark

Season 1 Episode 2 - Opening Scenes (Felicity as sender)

Season 1 Episode 3 - Opening Scenes (Felicity as sender) and 42:24 (Sally as sender)

Season 1 Episode 4 - Opening Scenes (Felicity as sender) and Closing Scenes (Sally as sender)

Season 4 Episode

PS: The quote is from a response via Reddit! If you have the link, DMs are open!

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