Biases About Healthy Relationships in Western Individualism— and Why Rose Tyler is Still the Doctor’s Healthiest Romantic Relationship .
Something I see in even the rational and good faith arguments that Rose Tyler isn’t any healthier for the Doctor than anyone is the unfortunate and very sad rise of extreme individualism. High levels of attachment and emotional dependence on another person are not always unhealthy. Why? Because they don’t always cause harm and damage to either person’s well being so long as both partners are alive and healthy.
Sometimes, high levels of dependence, attachment, and focus create a power dynamic in which one partner exploits if it’s not fully equal. But that’s not the case in every real life relationship and it’s not the case with the Doctor and Rose. Individualism in western society has created an illusion that no one should be too attached or dependent on anyone. But that’s wrong. Any social species needs to have close interdependent relationships for their own well being.
I saw a post about how Doctorrose fans supposedly undermine ourselves by mentioning the fact that the Doctor would have done something as extreme or more extreme for Rose than the confession dial if she ever did die under his watch. The poster said this was proof that Doctorrose was unhealthy too. But I do not think it is fair to define the health of a relationship by actions taking surrounding death or any other separation that neither partner actually wanted.
Science fiction like Doctor Who allows us to imagine extreme scenarios and what they do to the mind and behavior. No real life human being has the power to burn a star to say goodbye to a loved one or bring a loved one back from the death through extreme measures. But as a powerful alien in a sci fi universe, the Doctor does. Imagine your healthiest relationships, either platonic or romantic. Can you honestly say you wouldn’t burn a sun to say goodbye if they were ripped from you alive or torture yourself and risk the integrity of the universe to bring them back if they died a senseless death far too young? Maybe some can say that. But I bet many cannot.
I do agree that Doctorclara was unhealthy, but NOT becuase of the lengths gone to in order to get her back. Maybe that was Moffat’s intention but psychologically that does not make the actual relationship they shared unhealthy. I only agree that relationship was unhealthy because of the high levels of stress and strife they experienced because of the relationship while they were both together and alive. And the great betrayal that the Doctor seemed almost think he deserved. In the Twice Upon a Time novelization the Doctor describes great peace at having his memories of Clara back. But that’s the most peace he’s ever had about the entire relationship and he seemed to know it was best to end it that way and didn’t seek her out again.
The Doctor’s relationship with Rose on the other hand, resulted in ever increasing happiness and improved well being for both people. As well as intense healing and growth for both of them. They had one major fight and a few smaller conflicts and grew and developed their relationship as a result of it. Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman (a highly respected psychologist and researcher) found that for every negative or difficult relationship interaction, a healthy relationship has at least five positive ones to balance it out. The Doctor and Rose far exceeded that ratio threshold. This was by far the most happiness the Doctor experienced in a relationship in their lives and the same is true of Rose’s experience.
I do not count extreme grief over the end of a mutual and balanced relationship(in terms of strength of feelings) as a sign of an unhealthy relationship. What matters is how the people interacted while the relationship was still there.
