date & time: april 27th, 2018. / 04:36pm kst. location: outside charm’s dorm ; gangnam — gu, seoul. status: closed. / feat. théo kwon. triggers: anxiety / panic disorder, addiction, heartbreak, & ptsd.
three pairs of tiny feet made their way down a long, dark hallway ; fists rising to clear the sleep that was nestled into tear ducts after a solid nine hours of slumber that had came & went. ears were kissed with the soft sobs wailing from a woman so battered, & so bruised that she found herself curled into a BALL OF ANGUISH on the love seat they all rested upon the night prior ; bits & pieces of discarded popcorn still littering the beige — toned carpet from their hours of watching their favorite films before being tucked into bed. the band of brothers clutched hands, & made their way into the stormy weather that invaded their sanctuary, the lack of the radio crooning their favorite songs, & the missing scent of sunny — side up eggs sizzling in the skillets atop the stove surrounding them with severe befuddlement. what scene had just occurred that left their mother in such a state of distress ?? that once smiling visage now plagued with a sadness none of them had witnessed before, or even understood. concealed in her palm was a letter signed by their father, & in it, he explained that he no longer had control over his life ; his gambling addiction wrapping its fingers around his neck in a CHOKEHOLD & finally winning the battle that he’d fought for years. in that moment, all of them came together & wept ; the woman who had devoted her life to her children finding strength in her four little sons, & from that point forward, she promised to raise them to become men that would never, ever leave ; that would never forsake the love they held for their friends, family, & eventual lovers.
it was like a film began to roll in the overworked caverns of his mind ; memories so long suppressed that the emotions tied with them hadn’t been digested in many, many moons. however, for some peculiar reason, in this moment, the past motions had felt so practiced that he could feel his limbs & his heart lighting ablaze with the flames of yesterday ; the burned bridges being reconstructed as a flicker of history repeated itself right before his pupils. the dark clouds that once infiltrated the cinnamon — hued eyes of his mother now finding a home within his own ; teardrops loaded with that same HEARTACHE & AGONY streaming down his face in a treacherous downpour. supple digits shook as the post — traumatic stress surfaced within his nervous system, his heartbeat pounding so hard against his chest that he felt as though he was going to collapse & fall deceased of cardiac arrest. bellows & sobs broke from swollen lips, his breathing becoming so shallow that his head began to feel impossibly light. inhaling & exhaling deep sighs in hopes to regain some sort of composure, he reached into the pocket of his jeans to retrieve his cell phone ; clumsy fingertips erratic enough that it was exceedingly difficult for him to type out the message he needed to convey, & hopefully, it would be seen quick enough for the necessary actions to be taken. knowing sangmin, he had no doubts that it would reach him immediately, & in only a few mere seconds, he’d be rushing to him with open arms.
( outgoing imessage 💌 my father. ) —— hyung i’m outside our building ( outgoing imessage 💌 my father. ) —— i can’t breathe & i need help, i need you ( outgoing imessage 💌 my father. ) —— i feel frozen & can’t get up without ( outgoing imessage 💌 my father. ) —— feeling like i’m going to faint ( outgoing imessage 💌 my father. ) —— please come outside, please ???? ( outgoing imessage 💌 my father. ) —— i can’t go inside, i can’t face them
after each item delivered, yunyeong wrapped his arms around himself & rocked back & forth ; as if he was doing his best to keep himself from falling apart. his whimpering & weeping grew louder, & more intense, but he couldn’t stop himself... & he hoped that no one else besides théo would find him in this tattered state. all that his mind touched upon were the haunting flashbacks of his past, & watching minwoo’s car disappear into the distance, & all the while, those vivid hues of blue that he adored more than anything in the world turned from something beautiful into DESOLATE RUINS OF HEARTBREAK.