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AY LISTEN UP
All these posts about these beautiful people losing their lives should be an eye opener to you all. Devin, Alianna, Leelah...it makes my blood boil, but it also drives my cause to help anybody who ever feels the need to release pain in a harmful ways because they feel so lost and trapped. This is a safe haven here guys and I am always gonna be here if you need me. I promise.
PSA
Sometimes the holidays can get stressful and people slip down in the sads due to all kinds of shit. So I want you to remember this: The greatest gift, is already the one you have. You have survived so much and dealt with waaaay too much crap for your ages. Your gift to yourself is your strength and your drive to move forward into another year that you're gonna be stronger. I love you guys and you got this. I have the utmost faith in you.
"The world deserves you. " That's what I try to tell myself all the time anyways. I've seen deaths and people go through things they shouldn't be even 20 years from now. It killed me inside what it was doing to my friends and we didn't know any better at the time. I don't think any of us did. We live in a time where nothing you did was ever impressive enough to gain notice. No one cared who we were or where we came from. Everything we do is to the benefit of someone else's story. So when did our story begin? When can we write it? Have it down in a notebook or engraved in someone's heart or skin? We still don't know to this day But we will make it happen.
5 months clean of harming as of today...and little by little I'm starting not to be afraid of my own head anymore.
It's May 1st
To all of you struggling: Congrats, you have made it so so so far regardless of the slip ups. And I’m very very fucking proud of all of you. The worst will come around again, and the people you love you the most will hold you up until you can stand on solid ground. You are the bravest and strongest people I could ever meet and I love you all dearly. c:
In all three years of my life I never figured myself as being so important. My parents, classmates and family alike made it abundantly clear that I was one tiny little piece in a huge huge game with no title or no objective. I wasn't really allowed to express myself or my issues, on how stressed I was that my grades weren't high enough, or I didn't look the way they expected in dresses or fancy clothes. I think that only amplified when my sister got pregnant. Everyone kept a sharp eye on me to make sure I didn't slip up. I couldn't afford to have problems, panic attacks and depressive episodes aside. So, the only logical thing to do was to keep it in and not talk to anyone about it. Because in all honesty, who the hell cares? (I'm thinking about it when I'm typing this.) I was really really good at it, I made sure my grades were in line that way no one will suspect anything, I ate in front of people, I kept up my act well. And broke apart as soon as I got home. Day after day after day. I split my skin apart to let go of all the things I held in to make room for more things. That was easy to do too, too easy.
But life decided to hand me a different slap in the face. The people I loved, the people I would give my life for, started to notice. And once they found out: They cared, they listened. The picked me up when I couldn't find the strength to.
I think that's why I decided to let go of my weapons to hurt myself today. Because without them, I would've fallen apart. People always say to love yourself and heal yourself and don't let people fix you. But sometimes you can't do it on your own, it's too much even for the strongest person to handle.
I cannot reverse what I have done to myself, but that doesn't mean I redeem for a better life. It will be hard, hard not to collect things to start up the process, really fucking hard actually. But I know someone out there wants to protect me, love me and care for me.
And I'll be waiting for that day. No long sleeves worn.
So my friend threw away all his diet books, diuretics and detox pills today and he said I inspired him to do it his goal is to gain three pounds within three weeks Holy fuck am I proud.
I know that Valentine's day is supposed to be the day of romance and showing love for others. But never forget to love yourself on this day too guys
