Dear person I like and Dear anyone.
Dear Leprechaun [person I like],
No, I will not be returning your ugly hat. Because it is unflattering. And if you think I am paying to mail an ugly, unflattering hat all the way to Illinois, you clearly don’t know me very well. Perhaps you should invest in a nicer hat.
Or a hotel room. In Oklahoma. Near my university. Visit me, for fuck’s sake.
Dear asshole from England,
When I say that I am asexual, it is not a challenge. I am not playing hard to get or saying “Change my mind.” I am not interested in having sex with you, nor would I be if I weren’t ace, because frankly, you sending me that dick pic in the middle of my Philosophy class was bullshit.
You want to know why I stopped talking to you? An utter lack of fucking respect for me. And no cutesy English accent or corny Pokémon jokes will make up for that.