am i loveless? what is the term for this?
tw: mention of friendship and familial love and love in general
so, important thing first: i am part of a system/collective/alirealm we didn't decide the term yet, point is, I'm plural and i am a headmate brainmade formed recently. see my post about proeogenic host to some context if you want, on my pinned post. anyway, i discovered (not so discovered bc the host already knew this term and we have shared memories buut) the term aplatonic. i identify with it and i even think this label is more important than aroace for me, although i identify with both. but i encountered myself face to face with the term loveless and i thought „hmmm, maybe i am that” but i have my doubts for a simple reason: i am not exactly afamilial.
i mean, is not that i LOVE my family, i don't think i LOVE anyone or anything. but i still don't identify with the term afamilial, idk if there is a chance Im just in denial, but point is: i think what i feel is that where the platonic attraction „shoud be” i just feel something close enough to familial attraction. maybe i am in the grey area of the afam-spec analysing now, it feels like grey-afam or something, idk if that term exists. but that very little familial attraction, which is not strong enough to become love, but is still there in some way, like there is literally one person that i WANT to have a bond similar to being siblings. and everyone who would be usually referred to as a friend (aka the host's friends whom i have to maintain contact with until the host come back) i want to refer to as cousins, not that i actually have that bond with them, i just feel like calling them that way is more comfortable than “friends” yk. i may be in the afam spectrum tho, in the grey area. that fam attraction is almost like an schrodinger attraction, is like it wouldn't be there if i wasn't so strongly apl. maybe the reason why i don't identify with the term afam is because i feel like this two types of attraction are related to me, maybe i am non-SAM. idk im really confused, is like I'm loveless but i still got that little tiny fam attraction, in the sense of „we shouldn't be friends, we should ne siblings/cousins instead” yk? idk if there is neurodivergency involved. HELP