Everything is an Adventure...
So I worked from home this morning and this afternoon I had a side hustle thing to go to. I am licensed in my field, so it let’s me do some lucrative side jobs on my own, not affiliated with my place of employment. I did my hair, full face of makeup and was wearing my best dress. S and the kids were,all out. My left hand locked the door and pulled it to, as my right hand fumbled.
The keys fell. Inside the door, just as it shut.
Cue the profanity. Luckily I was leaving early so I wasn’t running late.
This is not the first time we have locked car keys and house keys inside the house. We have a spare house key in our van, that was with S at the health department. Pre-spare house key S always climbed through a window.
S is taller than me by about 3-4 inches. S is thinner than me by a LOT. S is bendy. I am short and curvy and stiff. I am 6 weeks post an abdominal surgery that still affects me off and on because I heal slow due to some health stuff. But I have to get those keys.
I manage to find an unlocked window, drag some furniture we have stored on the back porch to it, and start the climb. The dirt, pollen and bug covered climb.
The window is tiny, guys. SO TINY. I get part of myself through and realize I don’t have the leverage. Get more furniture to be taller. Try again. My boobs get stuck. Shift the angle. Boobs make it through!
I end up dangling for a moment, dress around my waist, top half inside the house, bottom half dangling hopelessly outside the house.
Then I hear Neighbor Man wolf whistle at me. Ew.
This gives me resolve to get my ass (literally) in this house. I make it! However, I land on top of the rickety secondhand diaper changer that we bought off Craigslist. Luckily it does not buckle beneath my weight and only tips. I ride it to victory like the finest surfer in the cheesiest teen movie.
Then I had to re-shower and change clothes because all the pollen triggered an asthma attack.
I wasn’t even late.
