#hercules returns

[haveyouseenthismovie-poll]

Have you seen Hercules Returns (1993)?

Yes

No

Haven’t even heard of this movie

Voting ended onMay 2

[axel-hercules-chase]

Hercules The Return: The Battle of the Hydra

The sun shone brightly over Washington, D.C., casting a golden glow across the White House grounds. Standing proudly before the iconic building was a figure unlike any the world had seen in modern times.

It was me.

Clad in a white Greek tunic trimmed with gold, bronze sandals upon my feet, and a laurel crown resting upon my head, I stood like Hercules reborn. The American flag fluttered behind me as I raised my arms into a powerful double-biceps pose.

Tourists gathered around the fences, their cameras flashing endlessly.

"Hercules has returned!" someone shouted.

I smiled confidently and flexed harder, displaying the strength that had become legendary throughout the world. My muscles bulged like living stone carved by the gods themselves. Every pose drew cheers from the growing crowd.

For a few glorious moments, it was a celebration.

Then everything changed.

A strange rumbling shook the ground beneath the White House lawn.

The cheering stopped.

The earth cracked open.

A sickly green glow erupted from the widening fissure, followed by a terrifying hiss that echoed across the capital.

From the depths emerged a nightmare.

The Lernaean Hydra.

Six massive serpent heads rose high into the air, each larger than a truck. Their scales were black as midnight and shimmered with an eerie green sheen. Glowing emerald eyes locked onto me while venom dripped from their fangs, burning holes into the pavement below.

The crowd screamed and fled.

Secret Service agents rushed civilians to safety.

The Hydra let out a deafening roar that rattled windows throughout the city.

I remained where I stood.

Calm.

Unmoved.

I reached behind my shoulder and gripped my mighty wooden club. Across my back hung a bow and a quiver filled with red-fletched arrows.

The ancient weapons of Hercules.

The Hydra lunged.

One enormous head shot forward like a spear.

I stepped aside and swung my club.

CRACK!

The impact sent the serpent's head flying sideways.

Another head snapped toward me.

I blocked it with my forearm and drove my fist into its jaw. The beast recoiled with a shriek.

Three more heads attacked at once.

I spun between them, dodging venomous fangs while striking with lightning-fast blows. My club smashed into scales. My fists hammered against skulls. The White House lawn became a battlefield worthy of myth.

Yet the Hydra kept coming.

The monster towered over me, its heads weaving through the air like deadly living towers.

I knew brute force alone would not be enough.

Drawing my bow, I launched a volley of arrows.

The red-fletched shafts streaked through the sky.

THUNK!

THUNK!

THUNK!

The arrows buried themselves deep into the creature's necks.

The Hydra roared in fury.

Now was my chance.

I charged forward with all the strength of Olympus.

The ground cracked beneath my sandals.

The nearest serpent head lunged.

I seized it with both hands.

Muscles surged.

Veins bulged.

With a mighty roar, I swung the gigantic head into another.

The collision echoed like thunder.

One by one, I smashed the heads together until the monster staggered backward.

The Hydra attempted one final attack.

All six heads struck simultaneously.

I planted my feet and unleashed every ounce of divine strength within me.

My club came down with earth-shaking force.

BOOOOOM!

The strike connected with the creature's central neck.

A brilliant flash of golden light erupted across the White House grounds.

The Hydra froze.

Then cracks of glowing energy spread across its body.

The monster released one final roar before dissolving into emerald mist that drifted harmlessly into the sky.

Silence followed.

The battle was over.

The Hydra had fallen.

As the sunlight returned and the clouds parted, cheers erupted from every corner of the city.

I stood victorious before the White House, club raised high in one hand while flexing my other arm toward the sky.

The American flag waved proudly behind me.

The people celebrated.

And on that day, the legend of Hercules was no longer just a myth.

It was history.

[supamikach]

Fate/Grand Order - Zeus speaks to Heracles

[dailygrumblesaboutoldstuff-blog]

I am sometimes a sucker for a simple underdog story. My fondness for Mighty Ducks resulted in a brief fling with Dawson's Creek out of loyalty to "Charlie". These days, I just watch "Gordon" get chased by a truck with a Green Goblin fixation and love all the geographic inaccuracies on Fringe. Hercules Returns tells the story of a plucky little guy who got into the movie industry for the love of film. He subsequently quits to restore and run an old movie house because it's all about the Benjamins. There's a large part of me that suspects, in an American film, things would turn all Field of Dreams on the viewer. Ghosts of patrons past would lure descendants in, everybody would cry, and the former boss would discover his soul. Luckily, this is an Australian movie. The hero and his cohorts decide to show the final film screened at the theater, Samson and His Mighty Challenge. There's a slight problem in they get the original Italian print without subtitles. The theater is packed so there's only one solution . . . dub it on the spot. Lip synch is close enough the mind starts to go "heeeey they're way too familiar with the film to have been blindsided by this". However, things get ludicrous quickly it's easy enough to suspend disbelief and just laugh. I mean how often do you hear that a well developed physique makes a man look like a ". . . condom full of walnuts"? Wouldn't Sorbo's Herc travelling everywhere have made more sense if he was a lounge singer? If the original dialogue matched what was on screen, then the movie is only a mild improvement over Hercules in New York. It's nice when a movie makes me suspend disbelief. Far too many draw attention to the seams in costumes, the strings allowing flight, or the horrid line delivery. Hercules Returns feels a lot like sitting around with the TV on mute and "improving" a movie while some friends are over by improvising new dialogue. Finding something that comfortable is quite nice.

[grantcary]

[grantcary]

[nafeathers]

[golden-soil-boi]

There’s this Aussie film called “Hercules”, and it’s the best piece of modern film to grace this green (or in our case, red) earth.