#herding thoughts

[aztr0sist]

I place my hand against the glass, covering the sun. The light breaks into rays between my fingers. "People need to believe in something," I tell him, feeling the day collect in my palm. "It doesn't matter what."

Someone Who Isn't Me by Geoff Rickly, P.13

[aztr0sist]

i am static on the edges but i am alive

i am frayed threads but i am alive

i will be one again this feeling will not last forever

i am alive. i am fine. i am centered and calm.

[aztr0sist]

how sad is it that a raised voice, harsh and angry, is all it takes to scare me into hiding

[aztr0sist]

Dear ,

Did you know I still think kindly of you? I'm waiting out probation so I can hold your hand, ask if you've gotten better.

I'm waiting to tell you that I'd like to be friends again, but on a thin sheet of ice. Nothing to catch our mistakes, if we fall into the water where we will drown. I'm not sending a threat, I'm setting a boundary.

How sure can I ever be that you won't hurt me in such a poisoned way again.

I'm still pulling thorns from my foot, painting your face in paper I rip to shreds. I want to stop thinking of you, but you haunt my mind so warmly.

You will be the one to kill me. I'm not very sure about it.

Write back please. You will never receive this.

C to Ursa Major

[aztr0sist]

I hope you'll love me again someday, because i miss you.

I'm told I shouldn't put forth my olive branch, that you'll find a way to turn it into liquor.

Please tell me you've at least thought of us kindly, I know I have.

I think I still love you.

[aztr0sist]

Thin cuts and scratches litter my thigh,

Healed, but still a mark of shame.

The ads I have been seeing tell me to seek help.

Mentally unwell, Consider Treatment.

Diet pills for women.

Hair loss prevention for men.

Buy now, You are a figment.

Mentally unwell, Buy our treatment.

Diet pills for girls and their mothers.

Fraudulent income and Sex for men.

Buy now, you have nothing left.

[aztr0sist]

First breath in.

Spring air is thick in my lungs.

My mind is at work, my heart without hope.

I am being shown articles and videos on how to disappear again.

I want to disappear again.

Work. No hope. I am nothing else.

I click on the articles, I watch the videos. I am told to seek help if im thinking of harming myself.

Is it harm, if it's just a desire for nothingness?

A desire for escape?

First breath out.

I'm still alive.

[aztr0sist]

The keeper of broken clocks swears he'll never run out of time.

5 watches stuck on the moment it ended, a wall clock that'll never be right again, an alarm clock that stopped ticking the moment it came into his hands.

he swears that the moment will last forever, because for him it may as well