(Charlie)

it/its, 20, blog for my thoughts and feelings... find the rest @viewfinder-chernobyl

[aztr0sist]

Welcome to the Charlie Chernobyl sideblog, this is where I'll post when i wanna get away from my mind n whatever!

[aztr0sist]

i am static on the edges but i am alive

i am frayed threads but i am alive

i will be one again this feeling will not last forever

i am alive. i am fine. i am centered and calm.

[aztr0sist]

i am a gay idiot with hickeys on my neck. i need to be shot for putting my heart into something so fast again

[aztr0sist]

I place my hand against the glass, covering the sun. The light breaks into rays between my fingers. "People need to believe in something," I tell him, feeling the day collect in my palm. "It doesn't matter what."

Someone Who Isn't Me by Geoff Rickly, P.13

[aztr0sist]

how sad is it that a raised voice, harsh and angry, is all it takes to scare me into hiding

[aztr0sist]

Dear ,

Did you know I still think kindly of you? I'm waiting out probation so I can hold your hand, ask if you've gotten better.

I'm waiting to tell you that I'd like to be friends again, but on a thin sheet of ice. Nothing to catch our mistakes, if we fall into the water where we will drown. I'm not sending a threat, I'm setting a boundary.

How sure can I ever be that you won't hurt me in such a poisoned way again.

I'm still pulling thorns from my foot, painting your face in paper I rip to shreds. I want to stop thinking of you, but you haunt my mind so warmly.

You will be the one to kill me. I'm not very sure about it.

Write back please. You will never receive this.

C to Ursa Major

[aztr0sist]

its ending

its ending

its ending

theres no end in sight

[aztr0sist]

sex sells perverted ideas of fascist rhetoric

[aztr0sist]

I hope you'll love me again someday, because i miss you.

I'm told I shouldn't put forth my olive branch, that you'll find a way to turn it into liquor.

Please tell me you've at least thought of us kindly, I know I have.

I think I still love you.

[aztr0sist]

Thin cuts and scratches litter my thigh,

Healed, but still a mark of shame.

The ads I have been seeing tell me to seek help.

Mentally unwell, Consider Treatment.

Diet pills for women.

Hair loss prevention for men.

Buy now, You are a figment.

Mentally unwell, Buy our treatment.

Diet pills for girls and their mothers.

Fraudulent income and Sex for men.

Buy now, you have nothing left.

[aztr0sist]

First breath in.

Spring air is thick in my lungs.

My mind is at work, my heart without hope.

I am being shown articles and videos on how to disappear again.

I want to disappear again.

Work. No hope. I am nothing else.

I click on the articles, I watch the videos. I am told to seek help if im thinking of harming myself.

Is it harm, if it's just a desire for nothingness?

A desire for escape?

First breath out.

I'm still alive.

[aztr0sist]

The keeper of broken clocks swears he'll never run out of time.

5 watches stuck on the moment it ended, a wall clock that'll never be right again, an alarm clock that stopped ticking the moment it came into his hands.

he swears that the moment will last forever, because for him it may as well

[aztr0sist]

The stars to my moon, you complete my night sky.

Intertwined crossed billions of years, we were always meant to meet in this life. You're my closest friend, I'm happy to follow wherever you go.

[falloutboyfan18]

Patrick Stump and Pete Wentz The Innings Festival February 21, 2025

📸 Sarahstarrdust Xaccount

[aztr0sist]

Your love was a too-hot summer day, the kind people only like when its winter and raining. It left me sunburnt and complaining about it in January.

I hope my love was ice cold and just the wound you needed, the wound that lets you know the only one you truly love is yourself.

I hope you get better, I hope I'm nothing but a feral dog to you now.

xoxo

[aztr0sist]

you were the worst of me, i realize. you were the emotion i never felt, the fit i refused to throw, the urge to get sloppy and drunk with no care.

you called me the overly emotional one, the one who couldnt handle you. you called it YOUR relationship, as if it wasn't mine as well.

i saw what you liked, a post about over using flamboyant fluffy language to make issues seem smaller.

Tell me once again Metaphor, how you fell out of love with me.

[aztr0sist]

I look out the car window, attention fully grabbed by the rushing river overlooked by the freeway, everytime i go to work.

it's rapids call to me, the sunlight painting it in stunning strokes, it sings that i must keep on. i must continue to have hope.

its enough to make me feel better for a moment.