May 10, 2022
Hi 🤗
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Hi 🤗
The fact that I’m really about to quit my 9-5 job that pays $30/hr to do something that I genuinely love doing and for more pay really has me fucking mind blown right now lol. Like aaaaand I’m able to make my own schedule/work whenever I want????
LIFE IS SO CRAZY IN THE BEST WAY RIGHT NOW LMAO
It’s 10:00 on a friday morning, sun is shining and I’m on a kayak in the middle of the ocean sipping my cup of coffee. I’ve always dreamed of a peaceful life, who knew I’d be actually living it.
The excitement in my bones rn is crazy!!!!!!!
Said that I would do it, and well, I’m doing it :)
I woke up early this morning to catch the sunrise. I was eating pancakes and sipping on some tea and as I was looking out my window, I caught myself just smiling like a lil’ dweeb hahaha. I don’t know what to do with all this happiness 😅
It’s 10:14pm and I’m sitting on my apartment floor, in a silly goofy mood, taking in the fact that I’ll be moved into an entirely new space so soon. In an entirely new environment where no one even knows my name. Everything around me is packed up and I’ve never felt more at peace during a move. It’s also crazy because I feel like I just moved in yesterday lol. This was my first apartment by myself and although I was struggling to survive on this here kitchen floor, I can look back on it and say I made it through. 28 is right around the corner for me and I can honestly say that it took me almost 28 years to finally live and not just survive. I had so many friends before I moved. I was always the “strong” friend and when it came down to me needing someone, I had only a few of those people that I knew I could really count on. For the ones I cut off because our relationship was so fucking one sided, I will always care for you and wish you the best. I’m sorry to myself for not realizing this shit sooner. For the person who has cut me off due to my toxic behaviors and hurtful coping mechanisms, I have nothing but respect for you and your decision. I’m sorry it took so long for me to get it together. It saddens me that you’ll never know this version of me and you’re left with the bad memories of who I was. I’m so sorry. Most importantly, to the people who have stuck by me through my darkest, scariest times as well as my brightest, happiest moments, I genuinely appreciate the fuck out of you for never giving up on me. Ever. I’m sorry I also was shitty sometimes to you guys during these shitty times, but I can’t thank you enough for sticking by my side. I’m extremely excited to see what life has in store for me. I’m extremely happy and grateful with the new opportunities and friendships presenting in my life. Here’s to a whole new fucking chapter that I refuse to self sabotage. Here’s to living!!! (Also I had my hoodie tightened around my head because it helps me feel safe when I’m anxious LOL)
The universe really is something..
The last few months I have cut off numerous amounts of people who I thought were my friends. I put all my focus into bettering myself, my career and building an incredible community on twitch. Life has been so crazy, in the best fucking way. What you put out, you really get back. I am extremely grateful for the new friends I’ve made and the new opportunities that have been coming my way lately 🥺
You can live the life you want to live as long as you remain consistent and persistent 👏🏻