#hermit status

[our-california-song]

I'm so overwhelmed.

[spklygothunicorn]

Yesterday I took a long drive and spent a lot of time thinking. I feel like I have less interest in forming relationships with people and my social anxiety is getting worse and I will ultimately end up being a hermit, and the reason seems pretty obvious to me now. It’s because I’ve become jaded and people have become predictable and disappointing. I used to put so much into people and give them so much of me and really trusted that I meant enough to them that it was safe for me to do that, to get attached and be completely open, and it was an amazing feeling to connect. But I just don’t have the energy anymore, because they always left, they always crushed me, crushed my soul. I never found that people valued friendships the way I did. Nobody was ever looking to be completely open and exposed with someone else. Even in my own failed marriage, my spouse told me that was something he wasn’t interested in, he didn’t want me to know everything about him. The beginning of the end right there. I’m sure I expected too much. So I gradually gave up, with everyone. Instead of long conversations with people getting to know them on another exciting level, I meet someone, they friend request me on facebook, stalk my page and start tagging me in things they think I like based on what I have on my facebook. It’s the same wherever I go and wherever I meet people. Predictable. Their actions scream “Talk to me! You seem interesting and different” and my brain is saying “Please go away. I’m tired. I no longer have the energy to fake a friendship that is going to leave my empty and unfulfilled.” I’m just tired. 

I can’t even pretend to be nice anymore or hide my true thoughts. I know I was nice at one time. Before every person I ever cared about steam rolled over my feelings and destroyed me. 

This isn’t me just trying to whine about my problems. I genuinely wish I could still get excited about getting to know people. But anyone I find interesting and exciting ends up being a huge risk and ultimate disappointment. Or I do things to push them away out of my insecurity that they will eventually leave. I think I’m just better off alone. 

[djosph-keery]

Taking suggestions for karaoke. Providing I don't throw up from nerves/potential dating anxiety.

[henngenner-blog]

June 6 11:51 pm

i should probably just stay logged into this since I keep getting all disappointed when no one interacts with me on my main ;o

anyway i’ve said before that i debate just cutting everyone off all the time, but idk if i’d really gain anything from that. would it really be better to not speak to anyone than to speak to people and have them not reply sometimes? would i be able to handle not hanging out with the people i love ever like i try to handle it when they make me choose one over the other or cancel on me? could i stand seeing one of them later after cutting them off? idk idk i love lots of people but i can’t deal with anyone, not even myself

[fionaeevee87]

I am a Hermit

Ah, another weekend spent in my apartment doing nothing but playing video games, drinking (if my migraine goes away), and looking at random things on the internet.

[tastyasscrackers]

I think my family was a little upset when I informed them that I was never in a relationship with a friend of mine. They had all assumed that since we were together all the time, and roommates for a while, that we were together. 

They seemed sad when I told them that nope, he was just a roommate, and now he's my neighbor. 

I think they had more invested in my personal life than I did. 

[tastyasscrackers]

That moment of awkwardness when you accidentally call someone attractive and they stop talking to you for a moment or log off.

"I'm sorry! It slipped! You're not pretty! Come back!"

[squidsquiddly]

Living in Columbus like. People outside partying and me inside like a hermit playing MTG.