#hespeateus

[bambismoonlight]

Apollo: So . . that’s a . .?

Hermes: A baby. His name is Dionysus. I’m supposed to be watching him.

Apollo: What do we do with him?

Hermes:

Apollo:

Baby Dionysus: 🥺

Hermes: Frame him for our crimes?

Apollo: Yes.

[bambismoonlight]

Athena: I hate you.

Ares: I hate you too.

-

Ares’s Army: We’re going to overthrow Athens.

Ares: Tf you ain’t. That woman scares me more than I do respect her

[bambismoonlight]

Dionysus: I rolled an 18

Athena: Again with disadvantage

Dionysus: Nat. 20

Athena: You’re still not having drunk sex with the dragon

Dionysus: YOU’RE A TYRANT OF A DM!

[bambismoonlight]

Apollo, picking petals off a flower: he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me no-

-

Hyacinthus: wait, what happened?

Artemis: just hurry up and come with me, he hasn’t stopped crying for almost 4 hours

[bambismoonlight]

Apollo: Why are you crying?

Hermes: Dionysus drew his first wrong direction arrow. I’m so proud of him, six people died.

Apollo:

Apollo: *tearing up* You are a great mother.

[bambismoonlight]

Athena: You’re turning Olympus into a whore house

Zeus: I think you mean whore home

[bambismoonlight]

Dionysus: I’m sad.

Ares: Alcohol is a depressant.

Dionysus: You’re a depressant.

[bambismoonlight]

Zeus: This is Dionysus. I’m giving you the responsibility of watching over him-

Hermes: I’m a mother?

Zeus: . . . No, I just need you to hide him away for a bit-

Hermes: *yanks Dionysus out of Zeus’s arms* APOLLO, LOOK! I’M A MOMMY!!