#hetero-flexible

[randomrants-and-rambles]

Hetero-flexible

I’m putting this here because I feel the need to get this out and there’s no where else that I’m anonymous.

I’m way too old to still be questioning my sexuality but I do still question it. I haven’t really ever spoken to anyone about it. I know I like guys (I’m a female) I have a boyfriend who I’ve been with for many years and I absolutely love him. I have been attracted to girls before but I don’t know if I’d want to ... go all the way with one (but I felt the same way about guys until I actually did it). I recently saw the term hetero-flexible and I honestly think it may fits me better then any other term as I would be totally on board with kissing or making out with other girls but I don’t know if I would really be into it going further. The other layer on that though is that I would only do that if I were single and I don’t plan on being single ever again. My bf and I were talking about ... adult content we watch and he was like “you’re probably looking for attractive guys in it” and I shook my head and he looked at me a bit confused “attractive girls?” he asked. I nodded and playfully was like ‘makes me question my sexuality, maybe I’m bi lol’. He got a bit quiet and he was like “well you’re with me so you don’t need to find out...unless you really do need to?” He was sweet for putting that out there but I don’t really know. I don’t feel like coming out as bi would be right since I’m not sure if I am and since I don’t plan on actually ever being in a girl X girl relationship. At the same time saying I’m straight always kind of felt like a lie. I don’t know if I would ever want to come out as Hetero-flexible either though. I think people would be thrown off and think that at 28 I’m suddenly deciding I’m not straight for some reason when the truth is I’ve been having these thoughts since I was 12 but was fine with just ... being straight passing. Would it be weird if I suddenly just started saying I’m hetero-flexible if it ever comes up? Is hetero-flexible even an okay term to use? I’ve heard some people find it bi-phobic while other people find the term to be really useful actually. I know it seems like it shouldn’t matter, I plan to be with my bf forever so I could easily just continue to say I’m straight and I could...it would continue feeling like a lie but I could continue to just say I’m straight... maybe I should just do that...

[polyhammer]

Hetero-flexible

I'm Hetero-flexible. I don't understand why this is such a hard concept to grasp. I've seen a lot of posts that say I'm just afraid to identify as bi. But that's not the case at all. If the term Hetero-flexible didn't exist I would just say I was bi. But it does exist. It just means that I'm mostly straight but not entirely. Which, yes, could be considered a type of bisexuality and I wouldn't be upset at all if people mistook me for bi. What does bother me is when people are telling me I'm just confused or afraid or some other junk. Hetero-flexible is the term that I think describes my sexuality the best. So don't tell me it's not a valid orientation.

[equalityspeaks]

Hello! I'm currently really confused about my sexuality. I am hetero-flexible I do know that. But when it comes to stuff actually sexual I get grossed out. It's hard to explain. But it is like I like the idea of sex in my head and stuff, but the act of actually doing it makes me uncomfortable. I don't know what that would be?? I'm sorry! Thank you!

Hi there! 

First thing, do not ever apologise for being confused, it’s more than okay to be unsure and not quite know how to label yourself. 

You could be asexual, as well as being hetero-flexibile. :) A lot of people do identify with two (or three) terms/identities, so it’s completely possible. 

Please read the resources below and see if they help with what you’re feeling:

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/72195-links-and-resources-masterpost/

http://asexualsanonymous.tumblr.com/resources

https://asexualagenda.wordpress.com/101-resources/

Let me know if this helps :)

xx

[queerzaza]

Stupid thoughts here. Seeing your most recent answer about Hetero-flexible / Homo-flexible makes me wish that it was called "Ace-flexible/Aflexible" instead of Demisexual, if only because it sounds punnier.

well i think you can add the -flexible to any sexual orientation. and Ace-flexible/Aflexible would be diff from Demi, as demi- means that you need an emotional connection before sexual attraction happens.

[itslikeyaknow]

Who am I? What am I?

I was going to write this big huge personal confessional post. I had been writing it for about hour. It got to a point where I was like this long and meandering and long. It was all about gender identity and sexual identity. About spending my entire life trying to figure out how to fit in a box I didn't want to fit into but then not being able to be anything else.

Without all the intimate details, I've just never really felt like a girl. Never felt like a boy. The only thing I knew separated boys from girls was boobs until I was about 10 years old and wondered why the boys bathroom had those weird toilets on the wall.

I identify as female because that's the body I'm in. If I was a born with boy bits, there's no doubt in my mind I'd feel the same way. I'd be the dude that would have gotten teased for liking Jem and Gilmore Girls and knowing way too many Disney songs. I would have been the best boyfriend. I might have been married with a bunch of kids right now instead of being a lonely female wondering why the fuck I have to justify every single thing in my life. I just like things. Why does having certain parts determine what I can like or how I can like it? Since I see myself as neither or and not really fluid (although there have been moments in recent days where I wish I could grow a really ace ginger beard). I don't wake up thinking, I'm going to be a girl today or I'm going to be a guy. I just hopefully put on pants just in case someone knocks on my door.

If I was born a dude, I'd probably be bisexual. Cute little athletic girls, ones who were into martial arts and could probably kick my ass. I'd be able to get the hot athlete boy too. I know people will say I could get that hot athletic guy now if I wanted but I've always had a problem of not being enough of a girl to get those guys. Right now, in my advanced age, I'm pretty hetero-flexible I guess. I don't see myself actively pursuing a relationship with a woman but if someone really special came along I'd give it a try.

A friend of mine a few years ago asked me to be a drag group with her. I've seriously though about now but back then I was still fighting the "I'm working so hard to prove I'm a girl I don't want to be dressing and acting like a guy to have people be like yeah, I always thought that about her". That being the only people that dress as the other gender are gay because I've been fighting to make people believe I'm into guys all my life. Part of me is like, fuck it, I don't care any more. And another part of me is like, despite that friend and all my LGBT friends, I don't feel like I belong there because I'm too straight or I'm too in denial or I'm not genuine enough.

I've only ever wanted a family of my own, kids of my own and I'm turning 40 really soon and I don't ever see that happening.

I'm going to have to stop here because I'm crying too much to think, well, straight.