Discover Top Posts Tagged with #hetero-normativity

hetero-normativity in action : seeing my six-year-old and eight-year-old cousins already talking about "boyfriends" and talking about them with their parents, and their parents praising their daughters being in a hetero "relationship" even though they're literal kids who shouldn't have to care about who they love at this tender age

#hetero-normativity #my cousins #i wish i could teach them that it's okay to be queer

“straight-passing”, is, for me:

-having another girl asking me if i have a boyfriend, and me, shaking my head, “no. i'm single as fuck. i don't have a boyfriend, thank you very much”. and then, talking about boyfriends and being like “yeah, i'd like him to be like this... or like that...” while, really, when i'm talking about potential partner as a pan person, i'd like to refer to “them”, as gender-neutral, because i could be dating any gender, for example, someone other than a boy...

-having my mother talking about my future husband and telling me that i should think about that. i'm barely going to turn twenty and i'm not even thinking about marriage, so when kids are brought up on the table, i'm even less prepared for motherhood. but the thing is, maybe i'll marry someone of another gender, and have kids with them (but not for now as i consider myself too immature to even think about being a mother). i'm not going to talk about the fact that i'm also ace and thus, being pregnant isn't really one of my priorities in life, especially because i'm sex-repulsed too... i'd rather adopt a little kid who lost their parents and who's in need of love rather than being selfish and add a kid on this already over-crowded planet.

-having everyone around me thinking i'm straight, and constantly talking about me getting a boyfriend, while i'm a pan demi-romantic asexual who's still a virgin and who's never been in a relationship, not even once, and who's about to turn twenty. me wanting to vomit everytime the subject is brought on the table, and not wanting to talk about it and my queerness because i feel like they won't understand.

-me, wanting to talk about queer issues more often around my family, and being seen as a freak by them... will they capture the message that i'm not straight ??? because if i were “just a lesbian”, people would understand that (my mom even asked me if i were a lesbian once, and she said she'd accept it... but my step-dad, however, is already homophobic and sexist and machist as fuck and if i were to bring a girlfriend at home, it'd confirm my “misandrist rebellious lesbian man-hating persona” he thinks i am.)...

but since most people think there are only two genders and two sexualities, they wouldn't understand my queerness, because i'd have to give them 1) a lesson about gender vs sex and trans/non-binary identities, 2) a lesson about different types of attraction (aesthetic, platonic, romantic, sensual, sexual) & how they aren't related, and 3) a lesson about the ace and aro spectrums. and still, they wouldn't understand that, they'd think it's made up, that it doesn't exist, that it's bullshit, and so on.

to conclude, i'd say that straight-passing, is, in the end, avoiding “queer slurs” because people think i'm straight, and because i'm straight-looking. and it's all because of this goddamn hetero-normativity... smh i wish there was a way for me to tell other people that i'm queer without them thinking i'm weird.

#being queer #hetero-normativity #straight-passing #straight-looking #so me so me