A Clean Break (HFC18)
Summary: Patton reflects on his turbulent relationship with Virgil and wonders if trying to fix their friendship is even worth the effort anymore.
Relationships: Patton/Virgil but mostly Patton-centric Warnings: Feelings of hopelessness, self-deprecation, one mention of Deceit Word Count: 735
‘You make me want to die…of laughter. –Best friend.’
Best friend. It was amazing how much could change in a single year. Last Christmas, he and Virgil were as close as could be, but now nothing was the same.
Patton slumped down in his desk chair and held the card out in front of him. He stared it up and down, examining every detail until his vision blurred and tears fell down his cheeks. He put the card back down and spun around to stare out his open door.
The Mind Palace was mostly quiet, with the exception of Roman watching Elf alone in the living room; he had invited Patton to join him earlier, but Patton just wasn’t up to it.
Virgil’s room was right across the hall, but his own door was closed. From his position in the chair, Patton could see the deep purple paint and the clutter of MCR and Tim Burton posters. Patton thought it was fantastic–so different from all the other doors, but still so special in Virgil’s own unique–
Wait. No, no. Virgil didn’t want that. Things may not have been what they once were, but if Patton was going to have any chance of keeping him around, he was going to have to get out of this whole ‘special angel’ mindset. He winced in self-deprecation and got up to close the door.
He started pacing his room, his breathing growing heavier. His relationship with Virgil was on thin ice and there seemed to be nothing he could do to slow its deterioration.
But it wasn’t all bad..right? After all, Virgil was the one who had told Logan to give his puppet idea a chance. And he offered up that high five just twenty minutes later. And he did seem satisfied earlier that day when Patton had managed to immediately come up with a better nickname. This was something they could figure out.
…Maybe.
Maybe it was something they could work out if Patton was smart enough to. But was he, really? He was the one who messed up Logan and Roman’s matching costume idea, after all, and even though he didn’t let it show it was horribly awkward. Somehow he was managing to be a bumbling, clueless father and an immature kid all at the same time.
He just didn’t understand. His talk with Thomas lifted his spirits a tad, but it didn’t make Virgil’s needs any easier to understand. And if he couldn’t understand, then what was the point in trying?
Patton slowed down his pacing as he gave that concept a little more thought. A wave of anguish washed over him as it sunk in that no matter how hard he tried, things would never be as good as they once were. It was like what they said about trust–you could try to fix it all you wanted but it was always going to be cracked.
He wasn’t so sure he wanted to deal with that pain. To be reminded every single day that his love for Virgil had pushed the latter too far, and that now Virgil’s appreciation of him was merely…begrudging. He’d rather just be hated.
He stopped short. Maybe…maybe that was the solution. To drive Virgil away at all costs and just have a clean break. It would take a lot of resolve, and he might reach out to Deceit to get a little training. But in the end, it would be easier for everyone.
He went to the desk and picked up the card again. With trembling hands, he brought it up to eye level and held it from the top between both of his thumbs and forefingers.
He had to do this, at least. It was the first step. The past was done and it was time to move on.
Whimpering, he looked off to the side. Then, after taking a few deep breaths, he pulled his right arm closer to his chest and shot his left arm straight at the wall–all while keeping a tight grip on the card.
Rip.
He turned back to look at the shreds of paper in his hands, and with gritted teeth crumpled them both up and chucked them into the trash can. Then he wiped his eyes and changed into a green and red sweater.
Maybe watching Elf would help take his mind off things.
@tsfanart