Raspberries while they scratch at your ribs

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Raspberries while they scratch at your ribs
ookay so,, hyperlaser + subspace yapping below cut... just. thoughts
layer 1: blackrock hierarchy/politics
it's unclear whether or not hyperlaser knew subspace before the disaster, but subspace most likely knew/worked with hyperlaser before he had the incident with the fire as it's already been established subspace made hyperlaser's mask for him. if hyperlaser started working with subspace after the disaster he would most likely have been hired to guard him; the rot makes him fragile and he's too important to blackrock for them to leave him unattended. there's also a weird thing where hyperlaser is kind of... stuck with subspace? in a sense? even without his presence, he's why he's the only living mercenery left(biografts), but also why he can even continue his line of work(the mask). in short, subspace has Affected hyperlaser's life in a very negative way and a very positive way that kind of cancel out weirdly. on the other hand, subspace is also stuck with him, as he's *literally the only mercenary he has to hire that isn't one of his own creations.* and realistically he must hire him often, or at least whenever he has to go out in public - which considering gamma's doubling as a suit, probably does happen often.
layer 2: yay actual dynamic sorta idk
the thing about subspace and hyperlaser is that they're both EXTREMELY isolated. anyone they would've considered a friend is either dead or no longer in contact, and neither really talk to other inphernals. subspace has his superiors sometimes and hyperlaser has katana (they're noted to not be very close yet tho and hyperlaser is almost certainly scared to lose someons again) but that's it. they have no one else. so they're at least... Used to each other, if nothing else. they're important to each other's lives but 'only professionally'. one never knew what a healthy relationship looked like and the other doesn't want to lose again. so the result is that they're both kind of each other's exposure therapy; they will always. keep. on. colliding. hyperlaser always agrees to the next contract, subspace always sends it.
layer 3: yaoi.
before talking about how doomed it would be I'm just going to say that, again, they are pretty much the most consistent characters in each others lives, that actually mean something anyway. and now getting to the point, if they did somehow get together, yeah wow blackrock is fucking that up. first off I can imagine that considering how blackrock is about subspace they would nnot want their Prized Possession in a romantic relationship no siree that thing has to work failure is not an option. and even if say he somehow keeps it a secret (more angst because of how difficult that would be to do considering one of the best possible cover ups would be subspace hiring him again. because otherwise what business would they have together. yeah it's strictly professional there's no way anything else could happen...) it would still be evil because of. well. their lives as a whole. subspace WILL die from the rot and hyperlaser knows he will lose him. and still. and on top of that, hyperlaser plans to leave blackrock, but what is he supposed to do?? leave and keep the memory of his living self, or leave once there's nothing left of him. and on subspace's side, the slight guilt because he knows hyperlaser will outlive him and he won't be able to love him and he can't even do it while he's there because neither have a mouth to kiss with and the burn scars make touch uncomfortable. there's no way to express it traditionally but it's there and it's theirs and it's temporary and it hurts but it hurts less than staying apart.
i will not actively kill people. actively killing people is the people killer. i will instead allow this anger to pass through me, acknowledged and felt but not acted on.
the sleepier I am the needier I get
no actually I’m still thinking about how good of a grandpa Lost’s dad would be
I keep hyping myself like I’m going to write in the morning and then spending all day on literally any other activity until I’m too tired to think
The one day I should be wearing my damn flannel to scream into..
..I don’t.
currently sick with covid. been sick for over a week. chest feels funny and i feel winded even though I'm lying down and trying to rest, disoriented and fatigued
have needed a mobility aid for fatigue ever since i got covid the first time and scared its gonna get even worse, cuz its likely to.
angry that i feel my body deteriorating, just have to sit here and feel myself getting even more permanently disabled.
scared