#hide yo daughters

[immcrtalised]

What have I unleashed . . .?

[darkvalkyria]

[jaeminnout]

u kno what haunts me? the fact that jaemin is EXTREMELY good looking and can charm his way thru anything. hes such a natural flirt n he knows it

[betweentheseseams]

A very trashy family has just moved in two houses over from my parents' place and I'm already ready to start a Hatfield & McCoy-esque feud with them.

[templeofterrible]

1-4 Prepare for five pages.

5 things that sum you up as a person.

I'm deceitful. This is probably the best one to know for those around me, as well as the following point. I don't really mean that my life is cornered by constant deceitful actions... I just have deceit in me. I fight with it a lot. I am tempted to do bad things to people, animals, and the world itself. It is a hidden anger that sometimes I cave for when I have analyzed the action as overall harmless, yet somehow hedonist. Sometimes I will blatantly lie to strangers I know I'll never speak to again. Sometimes I steal things. I'll break something, or I'll torture a spider. It is something sick I think I inherited from my sociopathic father. Something in my genes. Not to make myself look like a victim, no, but I think that is where it comes from.

I am way too aware. This is something the people around me should know as well. This may sound like a good thing, but it means I am constantly guilt-stricken. Those things I said I did above are counteracted by this. Things that cause legitimate harm cause disturbances in life and I can see them so blatantly that my mind feels like it is about to crack, so when I try to fuck life up a little bit, I see all those horrible things I might put somebody through and feel guilty before doing anything. Now, as a normal human being, I do bad things on accident sometimes. This accounts for about 95 percent of my depression. Guilt, some deserved and some not, is a constant worry of mine.

I am defensive. This is something important to a lover. My first instinct, amongst anyone, is to hide. My mother, my best friend, whatever. I think I'm getting better. Maybe not. I deflect a lot. I stay very private and enjoy being a hermit. Sometimes nowadays I open up but in my past it was bad. It got so bad I would explode (but not all the way) to my closest friend on a regular basis. Either that or I would stay so locked up in myself that I could barely speak.

my self worth is shockingly low. I mean it. These days, I'm finding ways to better myself; working out, learning, being nicer, being more social, etc. It still can be a problem though. I generally, on any given day, think of myself as a sly monster. Something like a snake and I have trouble controlling myself.

I've been through a lot. Don't doubt me when I say I understand cause I probably do. Whether it be my own suicide, a friend's suicide, a death, abuse, bullying, being bullied, being shat on, being hurt physically and mentally, you name it, I've probably done it.

Things you are grateful for.

I'm grateful, most of all, to my father. Through his sick twisted ways he made me. Without him I would have no life. I'd have no chances. No nothing. I'd be nothing. I'm grateful for my mom, who (while not ever wanting me, necessarily) struggled to keep me, suffered for me, and did the best she could even if it didn't live up to everyone else's standards for a mother. I am who I am because of her, for better or worse.

I'm grateful for my grandmother, for talking my mother out of aborting me.

I'm grateful for every single last one of my friends, for being the family I wish I had.

I'm grateful for my strength, for turning out better than most in my situation.

I'm grateful for my life, because I am truly not as horrible as I think I am.

How you do your makeup/hair.

I have three different hair modes, that happen three times a year.

 Shaved head. I get the urge to not have any hair, so I shave all that bitch off. It is good for shock value. I usually shave my beard as well.

Short hair. Hair grew out and I like the length. I usually keep it this way, alternating between throwing it down or up. I usually keep a good facial shadow or goatee

Long as fuck. I got lazy and grew out my hair. I look like fucking poseidon this way and often I don't shave and just grow a beard. More than likely I will shave off all my hair soon.

How you lost your virginity/ your current feelings on still being a virgin.

Back when I was younger, I was homeschooled for a little while and had little to no contact with human life outside of my mom. And barely that even. I didn't do any school work. Ever. The whole year I didn't have school. That is the grade I'll never get back. Seriously. I managed to pass my Sylvan exam with grades good enough for me to skip TWO years of high school. How the fuck I managed that I don't know, because I sat home and played video games in between jerk off sessions while my mom spent most of the day at work or with her friends and I was alone.

Well, soon enough I connected myself with local homeschooled kids and started talking to them. It is surprising to realize how awkward you become without human contact for an entire year but lets just say I was weird as fuck. As it turns out, a girl a grade above me thought I was cute and funny, despite being a slightly overweight shortstack with glasses (I was picked on to the point of getting the shit kicked out of me and subsequently doing some rather regretful stuff to the person that fought me so I got er... kicked out)

Me and her talked. A lot. We had the time. On the internet mostly. We talked on the phone too but it was just easier on the internet. She had a computer of her own (her parents were rich as fuck lol) and my mom was just... gone a lot. Eventually we started "dating". I use quotations because well... it was the internet.

I would bribe my mom to drive me to her house, or pick her up and take us to the park, and we would have dates. Turns out her parents weren't home much either. This worked out well for horny teenagers.

She had had sex before. About a year before me, when she was 14. She knew the tricks. I didn't. I was clueless. This came up more than once. Finally, she offered and I declined, set on the idea that I was scared shitless and I wanted to be sure she wouldn't be frightened by my massive virginity.

Time passed (a whole damn year) before I said fuck it. This girl is beautiful. I trust her, and I love her (l.o.l) so I told her I would have sex if she still wanted to. (role reversal bahaha).

So my mom drove me to her house and she was wearing a green dress. I'll spare you the details but it was... well it was informative. It wasn't spectacular and life-changing. I enjoyed learning it, and I trusted her more. I was more attached.

Eventually, about six months later (plenty of lessons in between) she texted her friend (who I was hanging out with at the time) that she cheated on my with two older guys and she should tell me. I never spoke to her again after that. I became a bitter pessimist and hated everyone, blah blah.

In hindsight, I never loved her. She was beautiful, fun, and charming and she gave ME the time of day. I did trust her. Now it is a bit difficult trusting others. She was kind of the last straw because I really had no one else to trust. My mom was spiraling down the drain and I had no other real friends or family. She was it. She crushed it like a bug.