I've been thinking about Wednesday's class since I walked out the door on Wednesday evening. I really struggled psychologically with the class. I found it difficult to get any strength in my grips, the moves just weren't clicking for me, and I started to feel like I would never be able invert in air. I can't hold myself up in short arm. How am I supposed to flip upside down?! I started comparing myself to other students and my lack of flexibility (always a sore point for me) and strength. Despite the instructors encouragement and commenting on what had improved, I realised that I was in a negative feedback loop. This lasted for 24 hours. If I hadn't bought a package of 10 lessons I am sure I would have given up at that moment. And regretted it. Eventually I broke that loop and kept stretching and building up core strength at home. I realised at some point between Friday and Saturday that I am doing the best that I can for my ability. I am going to stick with this. I am not going to let my insecurities give this up. I love being in the air. I love the feeling of silk burn (okay, an exaggeration but still...). I love the aches and bruises that come with it all. I wear them like a badge of honour each says "Look how much I tried today." Even when I don't get the closed back balance right. Silks is teaching me more than just drops, keys, and catchers.
