#hiramaissance

[horrorlesbion]

Do you think Hermione likes pegging?

Yes.

[theultimatewildcard]

fmk hiram percival hal

this is a terrible combo but i think i have to go fuck percival marry hiram and kill hal

i wanted to fuck hiram but i cannot possibly marry either of the other two so gotta fuck percival (second hottest). don't think i need to explain why i'm killing hall. rancid man.

[horrorlesbion]

you said that you consider the 50sdale cast different characters than the cast of the original timeline including sexualities, what are your sexual orientation headcanons for 50sdale?

Archie: Bisexual

Betty: Bisexual but it's complicated because her hypersexuality is a trauma response.

Veronica: Lesbian

Jughead: Bisexual but only because Jabitha transcends timelines. Otherwise gay and/or ace.

Cheryl: Lesbian (pretty undeniable)

Kevin & Clay: Gay

Toni: Lesbian in the sense that I think the characters I said are bi above aren't in the Queer Community enough to want a label they just exist (since queer of any kind was not really a thing you casually identified as in the 1950s) so I'm describing them and their behaviour. Toni would probably still be bisexual with a preference for girls by modern standards but I think she'd identify as a lesbian because bisexual wasn't an established label at that time and since she pretty much exclusively dates girls and is an activist in queer spaces that would make the most sense to her.

Fangs: Straight I guess for some reason

Julian: Straight (derogatory)

[horrorlesbion]

Riverdale characters as shades of blue

Archie: #00308F Air Force Blue. Much as it pains me he is a soldier and even outside of being in the literal US Army it is very much ingrained in his personality. Close to the Riverdale blue too because he is The Town.

Veronica: #082567 Sapphire. Deep, rich jewel tone. Literally a gemstone.

Betty: #89CFF0 Baby Blue. It's basically her signature color, it looks beautiful on here and it represents a light, pure serenity she always strives for. Maybe if her room had more baby blue she would be calmer.

Jughead: #05D5F4 Neon Blue. A shade close to what's used for the show logo in advertising. He's got that meta awareness.

Cheryl: #00FFFF Cyan. The inversion of true red on the color spectrum.

Toni: #6F00FF Electric Indigo. She's a purple girl.

Tabitha: #6495ED Cornflower Blue. It makes me think of a summer sky and warm sun rays.

[horrorlesbion]

which riverdale character is most morally ambiguous?

Probably Nana Rose because she keeps changing motivations and goals every 10 episodes or so and constantly does things seemingly for the bit, both good and bad. But I suppose you could argue that child bride trafficking puts you squarely past the point where you could ever be considered morally ambigous again... in which case maybe Hermosa? She doesn't really seem to have any morals but she does care deeply about her family and doesn't seem to be actively committing atrocities on the side.

[horrorlesbion]

What are your Riverdale character sexual orientation headcanons?

Archie: Gay. I'd say repressed but it intersects too much with his bone deep need for a dominant authority figure which is very much on display and causing issues constantly.

Jughead: Bisexual (repressed)

Veronica: Bisexual (all the Lodges are bi this is a fact)

Betty: Lesbian (repressed)

Reggie: Bisexual. Idc what Fangs said.

Tabitha: Pansexual because I think she's the type to identify as "I love everyone for their soul and gender is incidental"

Josie: Bisexual preferring men but I think she only comes to realise any of that later in life both because she's focussed on building a rigid image for herself that barely included even heterosexual relationships and because she has some trauma (thanks Cheryl).

For Cheryl, Toni, Fangs and Kevin I am line with canon. Lesbian, Bi, Bi, Gay.

Disclaimer: this doesn't apply to the 50sdale characters because I consider them different people, including different sexual orientations

[horrorlesbion]

who did archie have more sexual chemistry with, munroe or ko kelly?

I think Archie and KO had more sexual chemistry because their entire bit and dialogue was set up as one degree from the introductory 5 minutes of a gay porn flick but Munroe and Archie had like... romantic chemistry and genuine care for each other. Fuck vs Marry.

[horrorlesbion]

assign the last five books you read to riverdale characters

Zazie dans le Métro - Raymond Queneau

Jellybean Jones. Struggled with this one but she's the only one who has that specific childhood brand of insanity and I think Zazie would make snuff films to cope if someone brought it up to her too.

Flowers in the Attic - V.C. Andrews

I mean... Cheryl Blossom. That's a no brainer lol.

Frankenstein - Mary Shelley

Archie Andrews. Some rich fuck molded him into a shape he finds repulsive but can't shake for the rest of his life and he resorts to violence because of it.

The Virgin Suicides - Jeffrey Euginedes

Jughead for the voyeuristic narration and inserting himself into the narrative and shaping everything we come to know about the people he is obsessed with.

The Atrocity Exhibition - JG Ballard

Uhhh the Milkman. Sort of anti America (affectionate) but I also don't know what the point was and I was not enjoying the ride.

Bonus because it actually came before but it's not fiction:

Art: A Sex Book - John Waters & Bruce Hainley

Betty Cooper. Everything can be horny if you try hard enough.