hirokidtd replied to your post:[[MOR] I seem to be wrong about everything in my...
Please don’t pull this “woe is me” crap. I tried reached out to you before, and you flat out ignored me. People have reached out to you, and you turn around and bite the hands that feed. Instead of wondering why you didn’t die, start asking yourself why you lived. What does whatever higher power that may exist have planned for you? Stop with this pity party and take the second chance you’ve been given to do something great instead of feeling sorry for yourself.
I’ve done my fucking best not to bite the hand that helps. Yes, I wronged you at some point, and I’ve apologized for it. I still feel like shit that I did that to you, after everything you’ve done for me. You’ve done a hell of a lot, and so has James. But lately, it seriously feels like I’m getting yelled at everytime I so much as open my mouth to fucking breathe.
How am I supposed to feel? Am I supposed to feel great? I’m trying not to feel bad for myself, but at the same time I’ve gotten nothing off of my chest. I pretty much have the same weight I woke up with, and it hasn’t gone away or gotten lighter. The weight comes bearing down every fucking night, or every moment I’m fucking sober. I don’t have ways to deal with this shit, and when I try, I’m just told to shut the fuck up. I’m saying a lot of stupid shit lately because my mind is just a giant fucking mess.
People are helping me, yeah, but they’re not at the same time. I’m right back where I was a few months ago, and fuck. My mind isn’t better, and while I’m grateful for everything left and right, it’s not helping. I keep being told to shut up. Even when I admit I was wrong, I’m told to shut up that I don’t fucking know shit. That I haven’t seen where I was wrong and I’m so fucking sick of it.
I’m not ten years old. I’m fucking 27. I’m twenty seven years old and treated like a kid even I try to act grown up.
A job and a roof doesn’t cover that up. it does NOTHING for that. NOTHING. It simply calms a panic that was building up and gives me physical stability.
