#hlvrai shitposts

[lespoopypodle]

Look Gordon, ropes! We can use them to traverse large pits-

Help me, Gordon!!!

[theytookmywifeinthedivorce]

[madcatdaderpydrawer-blog]

Benrey: explains the agreement he made with G-man and why so Gordon will kill him and end the game

Gordon: feels bad for him, refuses to kill him

Benrey: 

[lespoopypodle]

Gotta love writing a fic with very little context about the actual media.

It was raining, storming really. It was pitch black outside. Benrey was playing Call of Duty in his living room and chatting with his skeleton buddies and some guy named TechPhantom on a PlayStation voice call. The only thing he was worried about was the power going out and messing up his kill streak. Then his head crab, Mountain Dew™ who he’d erm liberated from Black Mesa, started doing the closest thing it could to barking at the door like a dog would. Benrey screeched some things in Skeleton Frequency to Tech and the crew and went to get the door. He didn’t like talking to people but he did like freaking people out who came to his door. Like that one door to door salesman who tried to sell him on something called “Christianity” where they worshipped some magic dude named God. Benrey had just told him that he was a god and showed him just a hint of his true form. The salesman ran away screaming like a little girl. That was the reason he opened the door this time, not because he thought it might be someone important to him, definitely not because of that. But what he saw when he opened his door was much more than he was expecting. Bad enough that Gordon fucking Freeman was at his door (Benrey already had complex enough emotions about him without him showing up at his house in the middle of the night) but when Benrey looked into his eyes he saw desperation, fear and many other emotions Benrey didn’t understand. Then he saw how battered and beaten up Gordon looked. So Benrey said the first thing that came to his mind. “Looks like somebody didn’t have their passport, huh?” He said to Gordon. Gordon’s eyes flashed to anger momentarily but just as quickly changed back to pain. “Listen here you little-” Gordon started as he attempted to shake his fist at Benrey. That’s when Benrey noticed the gaping wound on Gordon’s lower right arm. Right where those US Military asshats had cut it off back in Black Mesa. The same assault Benrey himself had helped to orchestrate. He had just wanted to teach Gordon a lesson about the importance of passports. But he couldn’t think about that right now. He started scanning his eyes (figuratively) around the rest of Gordon’s body. He tried to ignore how good Gordon’s abs looked under the torn and blood soaked shirt that had been plastered against his chest. Then he got to Gordon’s left leg and nearly felt an emotion other than bitterness and anger. It was almost as bad as his arm. “Why did you have to interrupt me playing Call of Duty with my friends?” Benrey asked, trying to keep up his hard grumpy exterior. “I️ didn’t know where else to go.” Gordon croaked as he coughed up something suspiciously close to blood. Benrey was glad he always wore such dark clothing because some of it got on him. Gordon didn’t even get the chance to add “Wait you have friends?” Before his eyes rolled up in his head and he fell face first onto the floor in front of Benrey. “I️ swear if you get blood on my rug I’ll make you pay for my next PlayStation Plus subscription.” Benrey mumbled.

[lespoopypodle]

Gordon: I️ hope you step on a Lego, Benrey

Benrey: *some weird Benrey noise*

Coomer: that’s a bit much don’t you think Gordon

[lespoopypodle]

I️ love how Gordon just sounds like every YouTuber ever (it’s familiar so it’s bothering me). Coomer and Bubby just sound like robots most of the time. Benrey sounds like some guy who’s way too close to his mic. And Tommy just sounds like autism

[lespoopypodle]

Why is Benrey so obsessed with passport

[lespoopypodle]

Also Tommy has read like all the manuals and all the Wikipedia articles and every OSHA rule. That’s so autism