( JAMIE DORNAN. HE/HIM. MALE ) Did I just see (HOLDEN ALEXANDER)? This ( THIRTY-FOUR ) year old ( PARAMEDIC ) has been living in Chicago for ( THIRTY-FOUR YEARS ). Some say that they are ( LOYAL AND HARD-WORKING ) as well as ( STUBBORN AND IMPULSIVE). If they had a theme song, some might say that it would be ( CHASING CARS by SNOW PATROL ). All I know is that I can’t wait to see what they bring to the Windy City. - (c/26/cst/she/her/car accident, death)
TW: car accident, brain injury, ptsd, bipolar mention, death
Holden grew up an only child with his two parents, Olivia and James. He was very close to his aunt and uncle on his mother’s side, and his grandmother on his father’s side, who had never had any other kids, and Holden’s paternal grandfather had passed away before he was born.
Holden’s parents were completely in love and the house was always filled with music from his parents’ vinyls, good smelling food, along with art, laughter, and playful banter. Holden’s childhood was pretty ideal. Sometimes his mother would be awake at two in the morning and offer to make him pancakes while she sang along to a radio station at the stove.
There were times, however, where she would lay in bed and not come out all day. These were rare days, but they happened. He didn’t think much of it, but as he got older he would come sit with her and she would put her best smile on and listen to her son talk.
His aunt eventually revealed, with her sister’s approval, that Olivia dealt with Bipolar Disorder. Holden accepted it without much dialogue with his mother. She was happy, for the most part, and so was her son, the most important thing to her.
He had good friends, made A’s and B’s in school, and didn’t get into trouble. His childhood was happy and he remembers it as such, knows how lucky he was.
As a teenager, Holden grew an impulsive streak. He started dating girls and his mother sat him down for the ‘safe sex’ and ‘respect women’ talk, which he took very seriously. Sometimes he would stay out later than he was supposed to, and he regrets the worry that he probably caused his parents in his teen years. He regrets breaking some of the rules they had set for him, like coming home before 10:00. It was a perfectly acceptable time to come home for the night, and sometimes he would break that rule.
But as he settled into an older teenager, he began to settle into the rules as well and finally thought his parents were ‘cool’ again. He’d even go to the movie theatre with them, finding no shame in being pals with his parents. They’d raised him to be friends with him first, and parents second. For Holden, it had ended up working smoothly.
At 18, he moved out of his parents’ house and into an apartment, working first as a waiter until he became a bartender at 21. He stayed at that job until he was twenty-five, when tragedy struck Holden’s world upside down.
The twenty-five year old was riding in his parents’ car when a semi-truck veered off the road and into their car, causing a brutal accident. Truthfully, the driver had been tipsy. His parents passed away on the scene, and Holden remained conscious in the backseat of the car to witness it until he passed out from a mild brain bleed. They were rushed to the hospital and the paramedics were unable to revive his parents. Holden was in the hospital for three weeks, his injuries persisting for longer than they would have due to his trauma. He didn’t say a word during his hospital stay, though his aunt and uncle were there for him every day, talking to him, encouraging him to eat. He barely remembered the three weeks he was in treatment. The doctors said the brain injury would cause no long-term damage, and he was ‘good to go.’ He forgot the advice they gave him, pushing it out of his brain, about going to counseling or group therapy to deal with his grief.
Holden slept fitfully the years after his parents’ death, waking up from his nightmares screaming or in a cold sweat. Sometimes he’d battle sleep paralysis, and it horrified him. So he took to drinking a couple shots of whiskey in the night time to sleep dreamlessly. It was the only thing that seemed to work, he reasoned, not that he had tried much else. He’d tried meditating, granted, and he’d tried staying away from screens close to bedtime, but he knew he needed something stronger.
At twenty-seven years old, he met a woman in the bar and went home with her that night. On top of having found a woman that he loved, he’d recently taken classes at college to become a paramedic, feeling that it somehow made up for him not being able to save his parents.
Meanwhile, the two fell in love quickly. Holden, usually a ladies’ man, not much of a relationship guy, fell hard and passionately for Isabella.
Within six months, she lived with him, getting used to his ever-changing and sudden schedule as a paramedic, the times he was on call, the sleepless nights.
As they settled into the honeymoon phase and settled out of it, they fought like cats and dogs. The smallest of things could set them off, but then they would lean into a heated kiss and all would be forgotten.
The second half of their relationship was more turbulent. She grew tired of him shutting down, though she knew everything about him, and grew tired of him walking out of the house after a nightmare in the middle of the night, not wanting to talk about it. He never wanted to talk about it, she’d say. It seemed to still matter to him, enough that he had to drink to get some sound sleep, she pressed. He shook his head and continued walking out the door. Sometimes he would get a message on his phone and go to work without telling her. She hated that the most, and deep down, he knew it wasn’t right of him.
Meanwhile, Holden loved his job. It could be anxiety-inducing and traumatic at times, but he found that despite his initial reason for wanting to try the job, it was a career to him now and he loved helping people, and often didn’t even think about his parents on the job. But there was the occasional day where all he could think of was his parents.
When Isabella found out she was pregnant, it was like a light in the darkness to Isabella and Holden. He smiled, hugged and kissed Isabella when she took the test, and spun her around happily while she kissed him a hundred times. He was there for her every step of the way, for all the doctors’ appointments, for all the long, sleepless nights; he was there to hold her hair back when she got sick, there to calm her when she was scared or worried.
Eventually, Isabella wondered if the only reason they were so happy now was because she was pregnant. And ultimately, they decided to end their relationship before their daughter, Julia, they’d decided, after one night of looking through a baby book, was born. It seemed to be the best, and they decided to split custody in half, trading off every week. Isabella moved out a month after Julia was born. Co-parenting worked well for them, and they were good as friends, though deep down they were still in love and craved each other like nothing else.
Julia was Holden’s light, his pride and joy.
He adopted two Siberian Huskies, brother and sister, named Aurora and Bear when Julia turned one year old. They soon came to protect her and adored Julia, and Julia adored them. Julia is now three years old, and Holden doesn’t know what he would have done without the help he’s had from his aunt and uncle. They are like second parents to him, dropping everything and coming over at the drop of a hat when he’s on call at work, babysitting Julia and even dogsitting.
Luckily, Holden had trained the two dogs when they were puppies, and they are well-behaved though Aurora has a stubborn streak. On Holden’s off week, he misses his daughter a lot, and the two parents make sure to include time where they are both with their daughter, having family meals at each other’s houses and outings together. On his off week, he can be found at the bar sometimes when he’s not working.
One thing that has come back, after the car accident, is the impulsivity that he had as a young teenager. He sleeps around a lot, using it almost like a coping mechanism, but not quite. He’s gone back to his years of being a ladies’ man while also being a responsible, loving father. Life is ideal right now, for the most part, but his trauma still weighs on him every day, especially at night.
