#ptsd tw

[noonecallsusanymore]

jesse pinkman wished that he had done many things differently. he never should have linked up with walter white. so many atrocities would have either been avoided entirely, or jesse himself would not have been involved as it was. he regretted many things, but most of all, he wished that he could reverse things with the little boy in white horse. with gale. with jane and andrea. jesse blamed himself for brock not having a mother any longer, and she had been a fierce and loyal mother, too. jesse did not know what to make of this new life: he was no longer in alaska, and he no longer had to hide or change his identity. he could be who he was, and he could be who he would have been without walter white being such a dominant figure. "i'm trying not to think about the past right now," jesse mentioned to a friend. he would not have said as much to someone who was not a dear friend. jesse did not trust people easily, but he did trust this friend before him now. "it fucking sucks, though. always thinking about the past. i want to just move forward."

@dontdreamitsovcr

[noonecallsusanymore]

this city offered a simpler way of life: daenys was not accustomed to the modernity, nor the easiness of politics. not that the politics were completely easy, but things were not as complex as they were in valyria and westeros. daenys missed the people who had meant the most to her, including her father, who had believed her when everyone else regarded her visions as nothing but the folly of a young girl. daenys was certain that had she been a male, her visions would have been treated with greater legitimacy. part of her felt guilty that she was not able to save more people, but she had warned them. it seemed to be on them that they had not taken greater heed. what was she meant to do? to deliver every person around her from death and destruction? daenys was walking on a local beach, the wind whipping through her silver-blonde hair. she was content on her own, but she did not mind either when another person wandered across her path. "is this beach always so clear, and its waters calm?" daenys knew that she had the dialect of a more ancient world. "it is mystifying, is it not? the ways of the sea?"

@dontdreamitsovcr

[chok3onlollip0pz404]

I JUST HAD A NIGHTMARE THAT MY PAST ABUSER STALKED ME AND BROKE INTO MY HOUSE AND TRIED TO KILL ME BUT THEN I KILLED HIM WITH A KITCHEN KNIFE I CAN'T STOP FUCKING CRYING THAT WAS SO DISGUSTING

[noonecallsusanymore]

there was so much to celebrate: actually making moves to move forward and becoming the lawyer whom he'd set out to be. some might be surprised about paxton rodriguez's path, because in college, he'd been a partier and he did not lend much care to his academics. pax was naturally bright, and so he succeeded without needing to extend much purposeful effort. josh had been the truly smart and responsible one between them, and josh had not deserved to experience the end that he'd met. that was pax's greatest regret: that he had not been able to save his dearest friend. it was a reality that continued to haunt him: neither time nor place erased that regret, that thing that he wished that he could change, even if it meant sacrificing his own life. "what you're reading..." pax began, addressing the person who was reading a book on an otherwise vacant park bench. "is it any good? these days, i'm taking suggestions." reading was a good way to occupy his brain.

@dontdreamitsovcr

[noonecallsusanymore]

gwi-nam liked to think that he had been successful in taking down lee cheong-san: he did not see how the alternative could be possible, that the other man had not officially died. in addition to biting cheong-san, he and gwi-nam had been engulfed in flames together, and taken down by several levels of the building. gwi-nam was pleased with his revenge: he despised cheong-san's so-called higher moral character, but it was true that gwi-nam was just bitter because cheong-san had gouged out his eye and left him to the zombies. did gwi-nam deserve that kind of treatment? of course. but that did not mean that he shared cheong-san's perspective on the matter. gwi-nam certainly had not been doing himself any favors, that was for sure. "what are you looking at?" he exclaimed when someone lingered. gwi-nam was making an assumption: that they might be staring at his lacking eye. he had no proof of this, of course, but it was an insecurity of his that was glaring. "step out of my way. i'm not in the mood for anybody's bullshit," he said.

@dontdreamitsovcr

[noonecallsusanymore]

t-dog had done all that he could to ensure that carol would survive, and that she would not be attacked in the way that he was. she was a good person and she deserved to make it. he'd wanted no one's blood on his hands: not the people whom he'd grown to care for like family, nor the prison inmates whom they'd encountered. if he could save every person in the world, then he would have done so. t-dog had made the ultimate sacrifice, and now, he was trying to figure out if this new existence was some form of an afterlife or--- just as complicated--- a reincarnation. t-dog was running some errands, still amazed that he was stepping foot into a functional, still-standing grocery store. soon enough, he was outside again, taking a stroll, and trying to familiarize himself with his surroundings. "holy shit..." the man announced, not believing his own eyes at the moment, a wider smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. "daryl dixon..." he continued to say in disbelief. "i can't believe that it's you, man. you doing okay?" all of them had become a found family.

@dontdreamitsovcr

[noonecallsusanymore]

theodore douglas did not regret a thing: what happened could have happened to anyone. he'd been bitten trying to protect the greater group, and he would make the same decision again, even if it was a somewhat careless one. t-dog removed a cigarette from his pack and perched it between his lips. he was not sure what to do in this new world. it was so secure that he did not trust it. he missed the people who had come to define his life. who had become like family to him. "i'm sorry to bug you," t-dog voiced politely when he encountered another person. "... do you happen to have a lighter?" he asked, making a gesture to his unlit cigarette. "where you from?" t-dog eventually inquired. he'd always been a kind-hearted man, even when structures fell apart around him. "... somewhere safe, like this place?" no place was ever completely safe, but it was no competition presently in his eyes.

@dontdreamitsovcr

[anthcs]

the battle’s not over. ( from will @gloryseized )

@gloryseized | Will ! | catching up & checking in…

There’s something wrong about looking at someone younger than you and realizing that you share a common trauma, a common loss of a loved one, even if the shape of your relation is different.

“No, it’s not.”

Katie would likely wince at that level of honesty if another one of the Head Counselors said it, but really, would lying to Will really be any better?

Katie knows the battle is not over when her hands shake and she feels a horribly familiar cold sweat after nightmares. Katie knows that the battle is not over as nightmares rob the air from her lungs, and when the supposedly soothing scent of lavender throughout her cabin smells more like nauseatingly artificial perfume instead. Katie knows that the battle is not over when she is not completely awake, but plant stems and roots are lashing out like defensive whips, even to her younger siblings.

Katie knows that the battle is not over because she’s exhausted during the war council meetings but too hyper vigilant to sleep through the night. Katie knows that the battle is not over because her scar twinges, and even though she’s changed gauze at least twice, she still sometimes sees the glint of a blade in her peripheral and wonders why she didn’t respond quickly enough. Katie knows that the battle is not over because there are more bodies than there are funeral shrouds.

Katie thinks of Michael, of Lee, of how much Will has to shoulder now much more soon than any of them would have even imagined.

Then, almost immediately, Katie gently adds, “But you’re not alone in this, Will. If you ever need someone to talk to, or someone to help you in the infirmary, I’m happy to. You already know that I’d prefer it over fighting out there, right?”