#hokeyposts

[hokeypuck]

straight men about shane: if anything happens to him ill kill everyone in this room and then myself

straight men about ilya: ad libbed platonic fantasies of ilya being one of the homies randomly interspersed with the most graphic self insert fanfiction youve ever seen

[hokeypuck]

mack: will only wears wired headphones to protect himself from 5G

john tavares: your friend sounds very wise

[hokeypuck]

samisa does appeal to me on the level of dude who pretends he's chill but is actually a massive drama queen x dude who is actually chill

[hokeypuck]

toff, at the bu game: thanks for making it clear im your second choice

mack: second... you know whose number is two...

toff: jesus christ

[hokeypuck]

i know they have to sell tickets but it is funny that the battle of pennsylvania was billed as the pitched standoff between the old guard and the new and in practice (so far) has been a group of babies teaming up with a series of rescues danny briere fished out of a dumpster beating the ever loving shit out some old men in a philly parking lot

[hokeypuck]

fraser minten *speaking quickly*: there's still hope. i mean you never know, you could get offer sheeted. put the peanut butter down, connor. mack, back me up here

mack: do you think if i went for the stupid fourth he wouldn't be fucking ryan leonard instead of me

[hokeypuck]

fascinating to me. you teach your sons to skate you get woven into The Story of what makes them successful nhl players you get inducted into the jewish athletes hall of fame you become a developmental asset to professional womens hockey and help laila edwards transition into a defenseman on a gold winning team you cheer from the stands in milan

your sons get drunk on victory and light beer and listen to the president mocks the idea that the womens team would be their equal and laugh. there is no escape.

[hokeypuck]

nathan mackinnon, puking on the bench as he watches sidney crosby go off the ice, day 9 of the no condom olympics: Oh Fuck I'm Pregnant