#hollyfinn

[rodney-dodger]

Watching everything turn to dust // Rodney (FLASHBACK)

No one teaches how to deal with death, not until it happens. Suddenly this person, this friend, is just a body. Then what? He watched someone die before, not up close, but there was this boy. He was that, after all, like him. They were just boys. His gun must have weighed a few pounds at most, but under the weight of a universe screaming for his soul, it felt like thousands. Sometimes, if he let himself really think about it, his hand would shake like it did, his heart would beat out of his chest, and his eyes would show him the crumpled body of a boy named Ryder Owens.

He was the cold-blooded killer, that's what the Socs whispered about him anyway, but why was he still breathing? He still could smile when he saw Holly, still got to hold her, still got to joke with the boys over some beers. That was what they called living. It was an act, all some bitter, twisted act. Someone would come around the corner, and for a second, he would stop and take a second look. Thinking, if only for a brief moment, that it was all a bad dream, they were all still here.

Angrier than before, he let it reside in him like poison corroding through his veins. He always imagined that grief lessened over time, but it never seemed to fade at all. Every time the phone rang or a knock pounded against his cracked, wooden door, he wondered who he'd lose this time. The leader is stronger than the rest, he is the example. That's why Rodney was a god, Zeus on Mt. Olympus, because human wasn't enough to survive this.

His feet slid off the bed and met the cool, harsh floor as he sat up. Sleeping was useless tonight and so was staying. If he couldn't be all they needed, he wouldn't let them see him fail. Pushing himself off the rough mattress, Rodney kicked a path through the familiar mess to grab a handful of clothes from the drawers of his dressed. Tossing them on the bed, he slid his arm under his bed to pull out a worn, tattered bag. He packed away his life like it meant nothing in the world. The meaning had been lost, consumed by the fires of guilt and grief.

Contemplating a note, he stopped once he reached the front door. Carmen would wonder where he was, and he knew he'd miss her the most. He'd miss the chance to ease this pain for her, but what good would that do? There were no right words to fix this, not any of it, not for anyone. For once in his life, he didn't know what to do.

Rodney threw open the door, careless of the noise it made. Nothing would stop him anyway. This is where it began, from the porch to his beloved car, he ran. He ran, and he never stopped. Jumping inside, he muttered, "let's go, baby...it's time to go." Glancing back at his home, he debated writing a note to tell everyone he was so sorry, then he thought aloud,

"Oh, they already know."

[rodney-dodger]

have you and carmen ever talked about holly and rein? did rodney know that rein hit her? did carmen know about holly's ring?

Yeah, we talked about ‘em in the past. If ya mean recently, after we got together, we ‘aven’t.

((To my knowledge, and I wasn’t playing Rod at the time of the abuse so I can’t be 100% sure, he doesn’t know. I do believe Carmen knew about the ring though, he wore it for a long time so she would have seen it.))

[rodney-dodger]

No Contest // Rodney & Cain (Chatzy)

((continued from this para: No contest))

Cain Fucking Adams: "It's called friendship." Cain tried and failed to mimic Rodney's voice and tone. On a good day, he wouldn't be able to nail it but with his voice sounding like shit, it fell even more flat. "Dude, if I acted like how y'all act with our other girl friendships, Hailey would have my balls in a jar... next to her scented candle."

Rodney: Rodney just laughed, shaking his head at Cain's attempt to mock him. "Is your voice next to her scented candle too?" Still trying to play off the topic, not wanting this to actually be a conversation, "it's just how we are." Sighing, he jumped off the counter, "listen, I did that whole thing before. Relationship and all that shit, it ain't for me, man. Once was more than enough."

Cain Fucking Adams: Cain sucked on the cough drop in his mouth and sighed dramatically. "Okay, I get it. But take it from me, man. I've had my heart destroyed by women before and I've managed to pick up my broken little ticker off the ground, dust it off and move on. Don't let some idiot stop you from something great."

Rodney: "This ain't an easy choice. Things with Holls...it got real fucked up for me." He ran his hand through his hair, tension rising in his shoulders at a long unmentioned name, "I'm not sure if I'm up for riskin' that again."

Cain Fucking Adams: "But isn't it a bigger risk to lose her to some other dude?" Cain shook his head. "I mean, it's gonna happen, man. I see dudes checking her out all the time. One of 'em is gonna say the right thing and boom, she's gone. You ready for that?"

Rodney: "Not if she's happier that way." That was a lie, well, not a complete lie. He had dreams of giving her away, but they usually felt more like nightmares. "Of course, it's gonna happen...but she deserves better than settle for a man with an already broken heart. We're best friends, that's how it should be."

Cain Fucking Adams: "But you can't make that choice for her. You gotta choose for yourself first." Cain turned his head to cough and ended up accidentally spitting out the lozenge onto the floor. He went to get another one from the bag and paused. "I think you're wrong and I'm gonna prove it to you. You got a scale here?"

Rodney: Rodney looked confused for a moment of why he would need a scale, but his best friend hadn't ever let him down. Whatever he needed it for, he trusted him. "Yeah...yeah, we do." Running to the back, he picked up a scale and placed it on the counter, him on one side, Cain on the other. "What are we doin' with this?"

Cain Fucking Adams: "Obviously, we're going to weigh our penises but before we do that, we're going to do an very super scientific experiment." Cain opened the cough drop bag more so he could get his whole hand into. "Left side is Carmen and right side is Holly." He grabbed one of the lozenges. "Better personality. Who makes you laugh when all you wanna do is curl up in the corner and die?"

Rodney: Rodney laughed at the idea, shaking his head. "Are you high? We ain't goin' do this-" Looking from the left to the right, he gave in with a sigh, stepping back. "Carmen...no one knows how to make me laugh when I feel like shit like she does." After a pause, he leaned his head against the wall, "but so did Holly. We had fun, it was easy to just let everything go when I was with her..."

Cain Fucking Adams: Cain gave Rodney a look before tossed a cough drop into each pan. "All right, moving on. Who do you feel like you could pour your heart out to and know that your words are private? You can spend all night long just talking to her with no hanky panky and that's totally cool with you because she's that boss."

Rodney: Rodney ran his hand nervously along the back of his neck, he was becoming less and less sure of this exercise. "Carmen. She's my best friend in every way, I've been able to be real with her since we were kids and sitting on the hood of my car at the Overlook." He was pacing now, his heart pounding. "Fuck, but I could talk to Holls about everythin' too. I never even felt like I needed to push for anything other than just being with her."

Cain Fucking Adams: Cain was getting a little worried now as he dropped one more into each scale. This really wasn't going the way he wanted it to. Carmen and Rodney were two of his best friends and all he could ever want for them was happiness. "All right, so we got personality and trust..." He perked up a little. "Okay, but who could you really see yourself settling down with? Kids, a mortgage, and matching little towlels in the shitter. Who could you really make a life with?"

Rodney: "Carmen and I...we make the best team. She'd be the best mother, when we used to take care of Gray, I knew she would be...we could do all that. Life. She's made my life what it is to this point, and...I dunno, we could do the rest of it together." He paused for a long moment as Cain dropped some cough drops on Carmen's side, before adding quietly, "but I used to think about marryin' Holly someday. I thought I would...I really did."

Cain Fucking Adams: Cain set the bag of cough drops on the counter between them as he watched the scales level out. It was a tie. This whole thing was supposed to help his best friend and now he was certain that he had just done more damage. It was time he just learned to stay out of other people's business even if he thought he was doing the right thing. Hailey made him so happy and he just wanted that for the people he loved. "So you can't live without either one of them. That's just fucking great. This was a bad idea. I'm sorry, brother."

Rodney: His feet stumbled back a few steps, an almost defeated look came across his features. The scales leveled. In a choice between Holly and Carmen, it came out a tie. "Ya know...that last party at Griffin's before everythin' kinda went to hell. Carmen and I were tryin' to hide that we had fallen out, everyone knew, I think. Just no one wanted to believe it. But that moment, the fallout, she had come to me, mad about shit I had done. There was...there was this look on her face and a tone in her voice that I could read without her words. As she was slipping away from me, I realized something. It was too late, I thought, I realized too late." His eyes lifted to Cain as he shrugged, "I've felt her die, I've watched her give up, I knew when I had lost her, and I knew when I had to send her away...and every day, every fuckin' second she's gone, I die a little more. It's like I can't breathe, it's like there is a piece of me missing. I missed Holly like hell, and in a way it felt like dying, but I didn't die. I kept on going...I wanted to. I realized when I was losing Carmen that I couldn't live without her, there is no life without her in it for me...because I'm in love with her....it's always been her." Stepping up to the counter, he picked up the bag of cough drops and placed them on the left side of the scale, tipping it in Carmen's favor, "it's no contest."

[rodney-dodger]

FMK Hailey Noah Holly

F: Holly

M: None of ‘em

K: Hailey and Noah

[rodney-dodger]

Would the person you love feel inferior to Carmen, due to the deep love you share with her?

Holly never did, so I don’t think so.

[rodney-dodger]

Do you ever feel even a little like a hypocrite when you reprimand him because of you and Holly? Do you ever feel guilty that Cain and Hailey are getting more persecution than you and Holly did?

No, because the only thing that’s similar in our situation is that the girls are Soc and we’re Greasers. Holly was never a Soc leader, and didn’t want to be. I don’t feel guilty at all, they knew what they were gettin’ themselves into.

[rodney-dodger]

Do you miss Holly?

Sometimes.

[rodney-dodger]

Are there any Socs you can tolerate? If so who are they?

Yeah, very few. Tanner, Thompson sometimes, Holly, and Darla’s alright.