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FIRST WEEK OF SUMMER IS OFF TO A FANTASTIC START!
I mean, I’m still awake at the crack of dawn because my body is accustomed to never ever waking up past nine o’clock (and that is sleeping in, my friends!), but I’ve got a bucket list of summer activities just waiting for me to dive into, and I, for one, am ECSTATIC!!!!
Wednesday is my favorite day!
So I feel like I need to spread the love somehow. Hit me up if you’re into any of the following: ice cream, hugs, Twister, an epic Boy Meets World marathon, impromptu dance parties or seeing Age of Ultron again. I can make any of these work until Sunday. THEN YOUR MASON COUPON EXPIRES. Not really but limited time offers always sound more exclusive and impressive on TV.
Seeing as my online absence is truly being missed, I figured I should take this opportunity to explain myself without running risk of pulling a Rachel -- not an innuendo, just FYI, but I plan on keeping this post more or less concise.
And while I may have lost interest in Facebook updates regarding bastard-children and relationship troubles (and really, it gives me immense pleasure to laugh at everyone else’s troubles once in a while), that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy the sense of pride that comes in accompaniment with bragging rights, though, there’s little explanation for my absence other than at the insistence of my publicist, I took a much needed break from social media. While the entire concept of a life is wasted on the vast majority of you, sometimes you have to take a step back in order to enjoy the life you were blessed with. Though, it appears perhaps God has answered your prayers, and you’ll once again find my perfectly-crafted face on your feed.
So, question...
When filling out a job application, if they ask for special skills, is it acceptable to point out that you have the full-length version of the Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt theme song word-for-word memorized? Naturally, my first thought was to point out my strong gymnastics, vocal, dance, and cheerleading abilities and the fact that my competitive nature is enough to always let me win at family game night (which I mentioned, obviously) but I feel like something like this would show more of a fancy-free, whimsical side! I mean, who else is going to put that on a job application? Who? Nobody, that’s who. See? Edge on the competition. NAILED IT!
HAPPY EASTER SUNDAY.
Seeing as it’s finally a reasonable time for the majority of you to be awake, perhaps I should take this opportunity to wish and hope everyone’s having a safe and enjoyable holiday weekend (ensuring you’re all well aware of the importance and origins of Easter Sunday), it’s almost needless to say that this weekend definitely isn’t an excuse to be spent hazy in a chocolate-induced coma, but should be spent with friends, family and the spirit of Jesus.
While my vacation is over
I have brought back a momento in the form of a sunburn. At least it is not painful anymore, but please ignore that my usually flawless skin is now red and doing unspeakable things on my back. I promise this is my first sunburn since my preteen years.
At least I get to smell like a cookie because coconut oil is the best sunburn treatment.
Madison and I are spending our #ThrowbackThursday watching the best Hey Arnold! episodes. Sometimes I wonder if I’ve got my own Helga out in the world with a Mason in their closet made out of chewed gum. Wouldn’t that be the weirdest thing ever?? AND BEFORE YOU ASK, QUINN, I’VE NEVER MADE A CREEPY SCULPTURE OF ANYBODY. We did try to rescue a turtle from the aquarium once but we got caught and grounded for a week.
Let’s get a couple of things straight.
There’s gonna be immediate, physical consequences for any frisky creep with a camera who thinks he’s entitled to seeing any part of this without my explicit consent. First thing I earned myself stepping out of my hotel is a lawsuit, a spilled venti vanilla latte, a ruined vintage purse, and a couple of HD shots of yours truly that are probably on their way to the Head Offices of TMZ already.
Mr. Wise Guy thinks he can get away with an intentional tort, but I’ve got at least three passers-by who know that this public disagreement was an act of self-defense.
