I think in we || Saustin
“In a few years,” he starts, eyes already falling shut. “Do you think it’s going to be us?”
He takes a breath after stepping out of the car and shutting the door behind him. He doesn't think he can move from that spot any time soon. His feet refuse to carry him away from the side of the car and he thinks if he leans back, rests his head on the roof, then maybe he could fall asleep standing up for once in his life. Austin lulls his head to the side to find he might not be the only one that feels like this. Isaac looks to be dead on his feet. The only thing that seems to be keeping the young man going is the fact that he has Esther tucked against his side. Esther seems to be a bit better off. He knows without questioning it that it's because she's been dozing on and off since the reception started to die down a few hours prior. Even with that though, he knows she'll fall back to sleep as soon as her head hits the pillow in a few minutes. Sam, though. Austin's face scrunches up in thought as he tries to find the older male. He doesn't put much effort into it, merely turns his head to the side before he releases a soft exhalation of air and closes his eyes. Sam. The name stirs up the butterflies in his gut; it causes the flutter of his heart to increase into a rhythm that reminds him of that it took on when they just left the house and a question tumbled from Sam's mouth.
Careless. Sam asks a question that hurtles his thoughts into a thousand different directions and then falls asleep to leave Austin with the mess. The drive back is done mostly in silence after Isaac follows everyone else into a brief slumber. His thoughts, however, didn't get the memo. They continue on. Even now, after his feet are back on ground more solid than his shaky legs, they're still racing around in his mind. And he thinks, maybe, he's going to be sick. He doesn't quite know if that's due to an unanswered question or the fact that he doesn't remember eating much at the reception.
A hand on his elbow and a soft whisper of, "Austin?" gets him to stop thinking for a while and to open his eyes. He's greeted with a sweet, lazy smile and warm brown eyes. He wants to lean forward, let his lips rest upon Sam's for just a moment, but he's holding a sleeping Penny in his arms and he doesn't want to wake the girl. They'd have to spend the next hour trying to get her to go back to sleep. He stops to wonder when he started thinking in those terms. We's and us's instead of I’s and me’s. For a while after leaving Rose Valley, he felt like an intruder. He lived with them both, but he felt like he was stepping on Penny's toes and taking her father's attention away. And maybe he still feels that way a bit, but somewhere between then and now he thinks he's also starting to think of them as a family. He loves Sam. Each day that passes him by serves as a reminder to that. He falls harder, further, the more time he spends around the other man. He thinks Penny is part of the reason why. She brings out the softest sides of Sam, his most loving side, and they spend so much time together as a family that he often feels that that is exactly what they are. He catches himself wishing he had been there from the beginning a lot more than he should. But, he's also just glad he's there at all. Penny might not be his, but somewhere along the way he finds himself thinking those thoughts. He's not as shocked as he should be by the we's and the us's that seem to take over his thoughts. So, why had that questioned spooked him so?
Austin blinks his tired eyes open to find Sam still watching him, eyes now filling with concern. "Let's go to bed, yeah?" his question is met with a quiet laugh. He loves that laugh. He loves the lines that come out around Sam's eyes when he does laugh.
When Sam turns to head toward the house, he pushes off the side of the car and follows him up the path. Isaac and Esther must have gone on ahead without them because when they get there the door is still standing open and a few of the lights are now on. He doesn't remember them leaving, but his focus had been stolen away by the one person that always seems to know how to quiet his thoughts without even trying. Austin stays back to close the door and lock up while Sam disappears to go put Penny to bed. It doesn't take him long. He manages to beat Sam back to their room. When he gets there he can do nothing more than sit down on the edge of the bed and begin to unbutton his long sleeved shirt. Sam enters the room to find him there, slim fingers stalling on the last button, but instead of commenting on it he walks over to the closet to toe out of his shoes and shrug his jacket off.
"Sam?" He asks in a whisper, too used to being quiet from the car ride to even try to raise his voice back to a normal volume. Sam hears him anyway and before long he finds the other kneeling in front of him to help him out of his shoes. "I love you," he blurts the three words out before Sam can question him. And when Sam opens his mouth to echo them back at him, Austin kisses him. It's slow, lazy, and if Austin didn't feel so exhausted he might've done something to change that, but for now he can barely keep his eyes open and he still needs to say something. He pulls back, but only just enough to rest his forehead against Sam's. His hands stay resting against the other boy's cheeks, fingers brushing over his skin repeatedly. "You asked me a question in the car," he blames the shake in his voice on the need for sleep, "And I've got to say--"
For once in his life, he doesn't feel like he's trapped in a relationship or like he's waiting for the ball to drop. His thoughts aren't centered on a door and how long it'll take for that person to walk out of it. For once, he feels like he can plan a future with someone and not worry about them leaving him at a moment’s notice. It's funny and maybe it's the lack of sleep talking, but he doesn't think he was all that shocked in the car when the question was tossed his way. At least, not at the question. His shock comes from the fact that he knows what his answer would be. If Sam asks him tomorrow to marry him, he knows what he would say in response. And the certainty of that scares him more than the question would. Everyday he's falling more and more in love with the boy that kneels before him and staring into those brown eyes he knows that it's the safest he's ever felt with someone. Sam won't let him down. Sam won't leave. And it's that knowledge -- the same thing he's been working so hard to figure out in the months since they've been dating -- that makes it so easy for him now.
"I love you," he says, "I don't think that's going to change in a few years’ time."
It's not a definitive yes. He's not even sure if Sam remembers the question he asked him. But, he thinks it covers it. If Sam remembers, then he thinks he should know that Austin will stand at the altar with him. He'll say the words "I do." And then he'll spend the rest of their lives proving he meant every word of his vows. He loves Sam and in a few years’ time when Sam's finally ready to ask him the question he'll say yes.
