#holyhell--destiel

[powerfulweak]

exorcisms and daddy issues

A very succinct summary of Supernatural

describe a tv show (or movie) very badly in my ask and i’ll try to guess what it is

[destieldrabblesdaily]

fionalunetta replied to your post “Hello, I'm not sure if this is a fanfic I read on your blog or somewhere else, but if you posted it or if someone submitted it to you do you think you could send me the link please? It's the college roommates au one where dean is an engineer student and cas is an art student that leaves his stuff everywhere and then they end up working on a project together. I've been looking for it everywhere!”

here it is! http://whelvenwings.tumblr.com/post/94779019431/a-little-fic-for-thekingslover-because-shes-home

Thank you so much! :D Passing this on to holyhell--destiel

[destieldrabblesdaily]

Hello, I'm not sure if this is a fanfic I read on your blog or somewhere else, but if you posted it or if someone submitted it to you do you think you could send me the link please? It's the college roommates au one where dean is an engineer student and cas is an art student that leaves his stuff everywhere and then they end up working on a project together. I've been looking for it everywhere!

Hey! :)

It wasn't me who wrote it or reblogged it, I think... Although the fic does sound vaguely familiar to me, but I can't for the life of me remember where I've seen it... :(

[holyhell--destiel]

Some of you people should really leave something in my ask because I really enjoy talking to people. :)

[destieldrabblesdaily]

holyhell--destiel asked: Can you do a prompt involving the gifset you reblogged where cas is sitting on a bed and dean is in the room with him and dean's like "how you feeling cas?" and cas says "I'm fine" and then cas looks all sad and then dean's like "talk to me." 

Author's note: The gifset mentioned was this one from that infamous scene in 8x08 where things were about to get serious between Dean and Cas and then Sam walked in. Now this drabble got a bit angsty, because I've been wanting to do this for a while; write a drabble about how this scene could have continued, had Sam not barged in. Still, there's a hopeful ending and a kiss, but I wanted to keep it close to 'canon' and write it in a way that would make it seem realistic, had it happened on the actual show.

Alright, enough babbling, moving on to the story! 

"Because if I see what Heaven's become, what I made of it, I'm afraid I might kill myself…”

Castiel’s words hit Dean like a punch to the gut. It hurt, hearing Cas say something like that.

Dean had never been good at it; talking about feelings. Debatably, he’d gotten slightly better at it over the years, but it was still something that he tried to avoid at all costs. Even with Sam, who often offered Dean to talk about whatever was bugging the older Winchester, urging Dean to share a bit of his burden, Dean would have none of it. The only topic allowed was whether they were physically okay.

Their emotional state, on the other hand… Those were the kind of topics that were reserved for the moments when the brothers were within an inch of their lives. The moments when they knew there was a possibility that they’d never have a chance to say it again.

But on the whole, Dean would never willingly talk about emotions. Not his own, nor anyone else’s…

Which is why he couldn’t understand why all of the sudden it was different with Cas. One minute Dean and Castiel had both silently been minding their own business while doing research in the motel room and waiting for Sam to return, and the next, they were having exactly the kind of heart-to-heart that Dean would normally never participate in.

Admittedly everything was different when it came to Castiel, at least in Dean’s book. For example just now, when Cas had been flipping through John Winchester’s journal. Anyone else should’ve tried that and Dean would have sucker punched them. But it was okay, because it was Cas. It was okay for Cas to go through Dean’s stuff. It was okay for Cas to invade Dean’s personal space, and his personal life. The angel knew Dean inside out, had seen Dean at his best and at his worst, hence the reason Dean didn’t feel like there was a point in hiding anything from Castiel. But at the same time; Dean didn’t like it when Cas was hiding things from him either...

And so when Dean had sensed that something was wrong with his friend, for the first time in maybe forever Dean was the one who had initiated that they should ‘talk’.

The alarm bells had gone off in Dean’s head when Castiel, after repeatedly claiming that he was fine, suddenly growled out “I said no, Dean!”

Dean knew that Cas in his right mind would never snap at him for no reason, and so he’d walked over to Cas to sit down on the bed with him.

After saying the crucial words “Talk to me”, Dean had gotten far more than he’d bargained for…

For reasons unknown to Dean, Castiel had bared his soul to him, telling him about the guilt he felt for what he’d done to Heaven. And Dean could understand, because the oldest Winchester himself had been more than a little angry at the angel after the stunt he’d pulled with the leviathans. But Dean had forgiven him, because of course, it was Cas. Although apparently, Cas did not have it in him to forgive himself…

Silence was heavily hanging between them after Cas’ confession. The words were still ringing in Dean’s ears. ‘I'm afraid I might kill myself’. Dean wanted to help, more than anything, but he had no clue where to start. His aforementioned lack of experience when it came to talking about emotions wasn’t helping either.

“Look, Cas…” Dean stopped to take a breath and gather his thoughts. “You can’t just say stuff like that, man. You shouldn’t talk like that.”

“But you asked me to, Dean. You asked me how I felt, and I told you.” Castiel replied, his blue eyes earnest as they were regarding Dean.

“Yeah, I know, Cas. I just meant that you shouldn’t… You shouldn’t think that way. We’ve all done stuff that we’re not  proud of. You, me, Sammy… We all made mistakes. And I know I’m hardly the person to look to here, but you gotta try and forgive yourself, man. You know, make peace with it.”

“What if I can’t?” Cas’ voice sounded feeble, vulnerable, as if this powerful celestial being could easily break at any second.

And again Dean felt an unexplainable kind of pain that pierced right through his soul. Pain, at the thought of Cas feeling like he was no longer worth anything. At the idea of losing Cas, even though they’d only just found each other again. Dean had suffered through months of nightmares and hallucinations about leaving Cas behind in purgatory, and he never wanted to go through something similar again.

Cas truly was special, and now more than ever, Dean realized just how special he was to Dean.

Dean swallowed the lump in his throat, then ever so gently placed a hand on Castiel’s knee. They’d already been sitting impossibly close, their knees nearly touching, and so it wasn’t much of a stretch. Dean didn’t know why he did it. He liked to think that it was to make sure that both he and Cas stayed grounded. Or maybe to make sure that Cas was still here. That they were both still here, for once not separated by the odds that were always against them.

“I forgave you, Cas.” Dean whispered at last. “Why can’t you forgive yourself?”

Cas’ eyes flickered down to Dean’s hand, still solidly resting on his knee, then up at Dean again.

“I didn’t deserve your forgiveness, Dean.”Castiel ignored the question, only addressing Dean’s first statement. “I should’ve died in purgatory.”

And Dean was feeling physically ill as Cas added that last part. Dean wanted to tell the angel that yes, he did deserve Dean’s forgiveness. That Cas deserved to move on from what he’d done, just like they all did. That he deserved to live. Even more so; that Dean needed him to live.

There was that word again, need. And suddenly, Dean understood what it meant. What it had meant back when he’d said it to Cas back in purgatory. ‘Cas buddy, I need you’. Dean was finally getting it; the word need was merely a substitute for something else. Something bigger. Another word that Dean would never say, but avoiding that one frightening word didn’t stop him from feeling it all the same.

Dean acted on an impulse, and he closed the final gap between him and Castiel...

The kiss was chaste, innocent, just a brief press of their lips. Nevertheless, it didn’t fail to give Dean a tingling feeling deep in his stomach. The kiss was meant to convey what Dean didn’t want to say out loud. Yet when he pulled back, he knew that this called for a clarification.

“Dean…” Cas whispered Dean’s name, looking baffled as he stared at Dean, unblinking.

Tension was thick in the air. They were still not too far apart, their breaths mingling in the small space between their faces.

“I need you, Cas…” Dean said weakly, his voice trembling. “I need you to stay with me. I need to know that I’m not losing you again… I need you to try to forgive yourself. I need you to try for… For me.”

Dean held his breath as he surveyed the angel’s reaction, terrified that maybe he’d said and done the wrong thing…

But then those blue eyes turned softer. There was still a fair amount of anxiousness in them, but some of it had made room for something else, something lighter. As if Cas was finally seeing a tiny ray of light at the end of a seemingly endless, dark tunnel.

Cas sighed, one of his warm hands reaching up to tenderly cup Dean’s jaw. Dean’s eyes tracked the movement, and he breathed in relief, leaning in to Castiel’s welcoming touch. They held each other’s gazes, their eyes communicating what they both were too afraid to say.

When Cas spoke again, his tone was somehow lighter, more hopeful.

“For you, I can try, Dean.” He murmured, planting a small kiss to Dean’s forehead as his thumb brushed up and down Dean’s jawline. “For you I will always try.”

[destieldrabblesdaily]

Can you do a prompt involving the gifset you reblogged where cas is sitting on a bed and dean is in the room with him and deans like "how you feeling cas?" and cas says "I'm fine" and then cas looks all sad and then deans like "talk to me." it just sounds really cute please <3

Oh yes, that is one of my favorite Destiel scenes actually, and I've always wondered where it had gone if Sam hadn't barged in. I will definitely write a drabble with an alternative ending for that scene sometime this week. :) 

[destieldrabblesdaily]

I can't even describe to you how much I love your blog. Your style of writing is mesmerizing and powerful. Each story has its own feel to it but they're each so different and beautifully written! Please don't ever give up on writing because you are truly talented! I can't even tell you how excited I was to come across your writing. Would you be able to continue writing the one where Cas is a nerd and Dean asks him out on a date? It's so cute I'd love to read more! Thank you :)

Awww, thank you so much. *blush* Really glad you like my stories, and this message just made my morning. :) 

I usually stick to one shots though, because I absolutely SUCK at finishing longer stories, haha! So then people get all mad and disappointed with me when I don’t update, so that’s why I don’t really turn any of them into longer stories. :p