i watched brokeback mountain for the first time a few months ago and i can’t stop thinking about reddie as ennis/jack, but more specifically who would be who and it’s bothering me.
like i think eddie as jack is just the default. doe brown eyes and puppy dog face, and i think most people would agree that eddie would be the one to accept his sexuality first, would be the one to accept it for what it is and want to be with richie, because he knows no one could possibly make him feel this way. knows that he’s who he’s supposed to be with, that he only really feels like himself when richie is in his presence, even if it’s scary and no one understands and that he can be hurt from it, possibly even killed, but it doesn’t matter because it hurts more to live a fake life. hurts more to know of his touch, but to think of never feeling it again or to only have it only have it in small doses, and to spite the woman who gets to have it all the time ( without shame, without judgement, without pain, without death ) when he knows she doesn’t deserve it. to be gentle and patient with richie for years, to count every moment as a blessing until he can’t anymore because everything in him aches to be with the man he loves, and all that pain turns into anger. when he looks at his son and for a brief moment, imagines him with richie’s eyes. when he’s in bed with myra, and they’re both on their respective sides, and he’s reminiscent of how richie felt in his arms that last time. how they’d both fell asleep completely at ease, before richie shook him awake and told him he’d had to get home, back to reality. back to the life that wasn’t his. and don’t get me started on the shirts scene.
but eddie as ennis just really does something to me !! eddie being conditioned to think the way he does because of sonia’s hateful comments. it’s something that sticks with him, but he doesn’t believe it’s anything personal to him. wrong, of course. and he can’t help thinking about it when he lays down to sleep at nights, hears them as clearly as he had on those days. but it doesn’t pertain to him. he meets myra down the line and she’s great, she cares for him deeply, that much is obvious, and she makes him laugh, and he enjoys the way her mouth crinkles when he makes her smile in return. they’re set to be married sometime around next year, eddie isn’t sure exactly when anymore, he lets myra take care of all of the details, she’s oddly like his mother in that kind of way, but he pays no mind to it. he’s just there for the ride, all smiles. that’s just the way they worked, and it’s worked so far. until he meets richie.