#honestadvice

[honestground]

You must be tired of answering these questions and I am deeply ashamed to admit this, but I've never had penetrative sex. I am 19 and I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years. Sometimes I feel like a freak, but I really am scared of penetration. I just can't bear it. I am comfortable with masturbation, oral sex and similar but I feel like as long as we don't have penetrative sex, we are just a 'childish' couple. Do you think penetration is necessary in order to proclaim that I've had 'real sex'?

i don’t understand how you could think that a loving, healthy relationship of four years can be childish just because you’re not having penetrative sex? the fact that you’ve been able to communicate your fears to your partner and you two have navigated your intimacy in a way that you’re comfortable with just goes to show how trusting and mature your relationship is. 

penetration is absolutely not a necessity. i would like to think that we as a society have evolved past this very androcentric view of sex merely being a penis going into an orifice. sex does not automatically equate to intimacy, and i’m of the belief that sex isn’t what you do, but how it makes you feel. how you choose to express your love within your relationship is your business. 

[trey-a]

#HonestAdvice #ToughLove #AboveAverageAmbitions #aboveaverage #beastmode #hustle #goaldigger #goals #behumble #behappy #healthyliving #gymlife #dreambig #goodvibes #majorkey

[honestground]

I need some advice!!! Ive been dating this really sweet and honest guy for around 3 months now. Its going fine, honestly. Its an online relationship and we talk every day. But i dont know whats wrong with me, some times i feel really in love and happy and then sometimes i dont feel for him/relationships? Like i dont know what to do. I talked to him and he was understanding. I dont want him to think i dont like him or anything, but sometimes i get so anxious. What does that feeling mean? (Cont.)x

i’m fairly sure this is normal in the early stages of a relationship. i certainly went through something similar. for me, i would sometimes feel emotionally detached, or this thought like “do i really want this?” would hit me out of nowhere, and after thinking on it for a while i realised that it stemmed from my own feelings of insecurity, not the relationship itself; i was subconsciously trying to protect myself from disappointment or heartbreak since my past relationships had ended so badly.

so it seems to me that you’re feeling emotionally vulnerable and that’s making you second-guess your feelings. and that’s okay! opening yourself up to another person is a big deal, and you’re allowed to be anxious. it doesn’t mean you don’t like him or that you two don’t have a future. if you’re truly coming up empty on why you think you feel this way, it’s a good sign that nothing is wrong, so if that’s the case i’d suggest sticking it out a little longer. try not to confuse genuine, gut-feeling anxiety with self-sabotaging anxiety. 

people say “when you know, you know,” and the saying goes both ways. if you really didn’t want to be with this guy, there wouldn’t be any uncertainty. 

[honestground]

in a word? badly. my most recent breakup (almost 6 years ago) completely blindsided me, and my ex then continued to fuck with me (frequently told me that he still loved me, repeatedly asked me not to sleep with anyone else, called me at 2am crying and telling me that he thought we were meant to have a future together) for like, four months, which was not exactly conducive to me moving on. it resulted in a lot of crying and chain smoking. it was not graceful. 

however!!! you can learn from my mistakes!! i’d suggest really throwing yourself into something to distract yourself; a videogame, a project, a tv series with like 22 seasons. watch horror movies to make yourself scared instead of sad. make yourself a nest out of your pillows so you feel like you’re being spooned at all times. stay hydrated. be unapologetic about your emotional needs and only spend time with other people for as long as you can handle it. make a vow to yourself that every time you think about your ex-whatever, you’ll do 5 burpees, so you’ll either get ripped as fuck or stop thinking about that loser real fast. 

i’m sorry you’ve had to go through this. remember that you have experienced a loss and you are allowed to mourn. i hope you feel better soon. 

this might come as a surprise to some people but i actually do not own any sex toys aside from a butt plug lol so i’m afraid i can’t recommend anything personally! i’ve found a list of recs here that is very easy to navigate in terms of preferences and budget, so check that out instead. sorry i can’t help more!

[honestground]

Hopefully this isn't too strange of an ask but do you have any experience with non-latex condoms? And do you recommend a certain brand/style? I have a bad latex allergy and my boyfriend and I are trying to work around it.

full disclosure i don’t have any kind of latex sensitivity and rarely use barrier contraceptives anymore, but the condoms i keep on-hand just in case are LifeStyles SKYN and turns out they’re latex-free and i just never noticed? i’ve found they perform just as expected and have no offensive scent, and they come in studded, flavoured, extra large and extra lubricated if that’s something you need. LuckyBloke.com sells a non-latex variety sampler pack, so you can maybe give that a try and see which ones you like best.  

[honestground]

can i get some #honesthelp? my crush is 26 and i'm 20 and honestly we're on the same mental level in everything and get along really well (they like me too) and we hang out in the same friend group where he is the oldest and i'm the youngest (so we're all just a bunch of people where age doesn't matter) BUT i'm scared i'll get judged by outsiders (people who don't know us) if they find out the age gap. I guess I'm scared about people judging us.

hi anon. i’m assuming the date you mentioned went well, then?

when it comes to age gaps in relationships, the people “judging” are usually coming from a place of concern that the younger party is being taken advantage of. i feel super uneasy when i see instances of adult men in their mid-thirties pursuing barely-legal teenage girls. i know i’m not alone in this. if there’s a clear power imbalance, that sets off alarm bells for me. 

but you’re both in your twenties. if the age gap isn’t obvious, an outsider is unlikely to know about it. also, if by outsiders you mean relative strangers and acquaintances who barely know you, your relationship is none of their business. the only opinions you should care about are of those who genuinely love you and have your best interests at heart. if someone close to you expresses concern, maybe that’s when you should listen, but understand that they aren’t judging. they just want to make sure you’re safe and happy. 

otherwise? you’re fine. 

[honestground]

Odd advice ask, and I know ur a bit burnt out atm so no pressure. But I have a condition called lichen sclerosus which means since I was a bebe my immune system has been destroying my vagina. I have no external genitalia, no clit and had to have an op to "open up". How do you gently warn people that your fanny looks like WW3 without destroying the mood? Also, how do you get guys to stop trying to make you cum when its nigh on impossible? (Also be careful if you google that shit, it aint purdy)

i’m so sorry that this is the hand you’ve been dealt. i actually have a friend with the same condition (less severe than yours, i think; her clit has mostly disappeared, but she’s able to keep symptoms under control with cortisone) and she still has a fulfilling sex life. i don’t know if you’re the kind of person who talks about sex before you have it, but i think that this is a conversation that needs to be had in a non-sexual setting, because any relevant medical condition really should be disclosed prior to getting naked. people are curious and they may have questions, and it's a good opportunity to assure them that it isn't contagious. and then you'll say, "i've had this issue since i was a baby, so i look a little different and can't really orgasm, but i still enjoy sex and i'd like to have it with you" and any halfway decent person will be like, "coolio, let me know if there's anything i can do to make it more enjoyable." i'm not saying it'll be easy, but being open and casual about it is more likely to ensure a positive response, and any person worth sleeping with isn't going to care what your genitals look like. if you can tell your partner the same way you told me, you'll be just fine.

[honestground]

I know I’m young, (17) but everyone else in my life seems to be on a next level. My best friend has a girlfriend, and she seems happy, my friends are meeting new people and moving on. Im just? Not like them. I try to talk to boys n such but they just don’t contribute. It feels as if I’m forcing myself to talk to them. I feel like not enough. Like I’m lacking something they have. Do I just wait forever and be that one single friend™ ? Plz offer support ;(

real talk? your social circles will expand as you move into higher education or enter the workforce, and if you feel as though you’re forcing yourself to talk to someone, that’s a pretty good sign that the connection just isn’t there so you probably shouldn’t want to date them anyway. you are enough, but you’re also still maturing; you’re not even a quarter of the way through your life yet, why should you have it all figured out already?

i said this to another anon today but i will say it to you too: we all assume that our peers are doing better or are somehow more put together than we are. we’re all just stumbling through life at different speeds trying to get our shit together. you will find the right person when it’s the right time. you do not need a significant other to complete you. you are doing fine.