Yesterday was not a good day. I feel like my head is full of fog. I'm trying so hard to be on top of things and be organized and have it all together. But here's the thing, I don't have it all together.
I'm a junior in college and I have this big looming future ahead of me that I have no idea what I want to do with. I'm majoring in something that I don't want to pursue and yet I have to find an internship in it so that I can graduate.
I'm learning Russian, which I really love, but it is kicking my butt. I really want to keep up with all these new year's resolutions I have made, but I just can't seem to do it all at once.
So yesterday I just broke down. I lost it. I cried in front of my Russian teacher. (that was embarrassing). But instead of eating anything and everything unhealthy in my house, I decided to go for a run. (Which is only partly true because I did have a huge bowl of cheesy pasta which is absolutely not healthy).
It has been unseasonably warm this winter here in Utah, but I am not complaining, I hate the snow. However just as I left my house to go for my run it began to snow. Just little sprinkles, but snow nonetheless. But I had already decided that I was going to go for this run, I was going to release some endorphins and empower myself by realizing how strong I can be. I wanted to run outside where I could make progress and go somewhere instead of being a hamster on a wheel on a treadmill at the gym.
It started out cold, and I really wished that I had worn gloves, but I kept going.
At first it really felt great. The snow was coming down harder and I was pushing myself up the hills on the streets where I live. I felt powerful. I felt strong. I forgot about my problems. And then I felt sick and remembered why I don't run outside in the winter.
First my lungs started freezing, then my brain, then I felt like I was going to loose that big bowl of pasta right there in one of my neighbor's yards. But I pushed through and made it home.
When all was said and done I ran 1.3 miles. It didn't seem like that far. I wish it wasn't so cold so I could run outside more often.
The bad part was that I felt significantly worse after my run due to the weather and collapsed on the floor and watched the Office for the next hour or so.
The other bad part is that I still don't have it together. I'm still lost and have no idea what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. However I do know that I am sick of school.
The good news is that I made it out of bed this morning. I am alive, today is a new day and I can do hard things.
