My mother has always had a penchant for animals. My childhood was a rotating catalogue of cats, dogs, horses, goats, sheep, and countless others that would come briefly into our lives before going on to a new homes or perishing.
None was as notorious as Hooch. Hooch was a Rottweiler, and to this day I have no idea where my mom found him. He might have been a stray, an unwanted dog from a friend, or an impulse get at the shelter. He was a massive creature, 120lbs of dense muscle. He was very friendly.
Except that the thing Hooch loved best in the entire world was humping things. I don’t remember if he was altered, I think he was, but that dog would hump anything alive under a certain weight class. Sheep, goats, other dogs, and most unfortunately, me and my siblings.
Weighing considerably less than he did and standing at the height of his shoulder it was no wonder we classed into a category of sexual viability for the worlds horniest dog. Attempts were made to discourage this behavior but my mom has never been a dog trainer and negative reinforcement had no effect upon his simple soul.
He saw a child, he charged in to hump that child. My mom is not perfect, but at least recognized that for a seven year old having a beast three times your relative mass bearing down on you with buggery on the mind might be traumatic.
Hooch was then restrained into a dog run any time a child might cross his path. He pined for attention and for things to slake his lust upon, and eventually it was decided Hooch must find a new home.
But he got one last hurrah. With a day until he left for his new home my brother entered the backyard all unwitting that Hooch wasn’t contained to his pen. I had hung back and so I watched as Hooch launched himself at the first person through the gate, landing atop my brother, and began joyously thrusting at him.
My mom ran in moments later as my brother shrieked and hauled the massive animal away, still pumping his pelvis, trying to say his goodbyes the only way he knew how- with his penis.
