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[humansofoz]

HoOZ - March 7th, 2017

“In the grand scheme of things, everything ends up working out in some shape or form.”

“Whatever your mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.”

Ian Koscuik. 21. SUNY Oswego Senior.

HoOZ - Can you recall the saddest day of your life?

Ian - I ended up actually going to the hospital... I was pretty depressed. I’m in ZBT now, but in Spring ‘14 I was pledging a different fraternity. My brother was in it and I felt pressured to do it; I didn’t really want to do it for myself, I felt like I had to do it for him and everyone else saying I should do it. Plus, I had just broken up with my first girlfriend, and my grades weren’t doing too well, so I was depressed overall.

I ended up going to the counseling center and they told me they didn’t think I was doing well, so I ended up going to the hospital and staying there for three days. It’s the saddest day of my life, but it was good, too, because it helped me realize a lot of things in my life that I needed to do.

HoOZ - What about the happiest day of your life?

Ian - Maybe the first day I went to an amusement park. I wasn’t exactly poor when I was younger, but I had a single mom who was raising two kids and it was really hard on her. My brother has Crohn’s disease, so she had to deal with those bills too. 

HoOZ - What was your childhood like? I know you said your mom had to take care of your brother a lot, and you didn’t get to do as many things as other children, so can you tell us a little more?

Ian - I kind of had to create it myself, because like I said, my mom was raising two kids. She had to work a lot, plus my brother wasn’t really around because he was sick a lot. I also have a learning disability; I’m dyslexic, so I had to develop my own way of doing things. 

HoOZ - What is your most memorable experience from you childhood? Is it the amusement park?

Ian - No, I’d say it was hanging out at my old apartment, which was the one I grew up in from 1st grade to junior high school. It was an apartment complex, and it had all of these areas and we’d just play games like cops and robbers and tag.

HoOZ - How did you like high school? 

Ian - I think I really liked high school. My best friends in the world are people I went to high school with; I try to talk to them on a daily basis. I got high school down right off the bat, so it wasn’t too difficult grades wise. I was also really into sports too; I played tennis, baseball, and basketball.

I was also really introverted, so I kept to myself. I really never felt lonely, like I battled depression and stuff, but it wasn’t because of that; it was just me. I learned how to enjoy my free time.

HoOZ -Was the battle with depression your greatest struggle in high school?

Ian - Probably, because I didn’t really have any other struggles to be honest [laughs].

HoOZ - How did it start?

Ian - It was, like, voices, telling me that I’m a loser and I wasn’t good at anything. I’m an extrovert at heart, but the introvert part of me wouldn’t let it out. I wasn’t being true to myself, and that kind of led to the depression, and I think it was because I was usually alone, so I wasn’t used to being judged by people.

HoOZ - Did you get help while you were in high school, or did you just try to figure it out on your own?

Ian - I figured it out on my own. I would find friends to hang out with, or play video games, or watch TV to cope with it. I didn’t really distract myself from it, I kind of just sat there and dealt with it. I never really spoke to anyone about it because it just came and went.

HoOZ - Did you know that you were depressed, or did you think that you would get sad sometimes?

Ian - I just thought that I was sad; to be honest, I never really thought about it. When I came here [Oswego] that’s when I realized that it was a problem. Like, sometimes you don’t realize something until you look back on it, and that’s what it was for me. You hear about depression all the time, but I never thought it was me.

HoOZ - I know that you said that one day you just thought that you should go to the health center, but what made you decide to go since you didn’t think that you were depressed?

Ian - To be completely honest, I ended up over sleeping one day and it threw off my whole schedule. So, I was really anxious and stressed out, and while I was walking to the library I ended up going out by the lake. I was on the ice that’s out there when the water freezes, and I think a custodial member or someone came and talked to me. They asked me to get off the ice and if I wanted to talk to someone, and I just said “yes.”

HoOZ - Are you still battling with depression?

Ian - Not really.

HoOZ - How did they address it when you went to the hospital?

Ian - I went to a mental health care place in Oswego, and I stayed there for a few days. They evaluated me, and prescribed me medication. I went through one cycle of it, and then I stopped taking it. I think it was the mindset change that I had that really, really helped me. 

HoOZ - Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

Ian - I want to be a success coach. It’s someone that gives seminars and speeches of how to be successful in a particular field. 

HoOZ - Is there a general field you want to do it in, or just overall?

Ian - Overall. I feel like maybe when I start doing it, I can become more specific.

HoOZ - If there was one thing you could tell that future version of yourself, what would it be?

Ian - Good job!