#hormonal mess

[apfelkernchen]

I have no idea what kind of hormonal nonsense is happening right now but I bought two prints today because I saw them and immediately started crying. Not tearing up. Not getting a little emotional. Full-on sobbing.

[themiddlelayer]

Fuck my ovaries!

I did really well last week with the mindful eating and adulting. I even worked out four days in a row and went to the dentist!  But on Friday I woke up aching from head to toe. I was starving and super thirsty. I still logged all my food, but especially since My Mr. doesn’t have to work on his weight anymore, it was hard to eat healthy. 

Yesterday wasn’t much better. 

I’ve had stabby pains in one boob on and off all weekend and I’m all kinds of bloated. It’s definitely hormones and I just want it to end. 

I managed to be productive this morning creating a newsletter for PFLAG and I really need to get to work on the LGBT History presentation I’m giving in March. My Mr. is at a meeting for another project he’s helping with then he’s planning on going to a movie tonight. 

I’m thinking of giving in and finishing the ice cream I got last night on the way home then taking a hot shower. And maybe a nap. These are the moments when being a chick really sucks! 

[ilargeicontradictmiself]

If agender-ness feels like the most realistically human thing in the world to me ( and i mean, seeing it, acknowledging it, not just in myself, but in others) , does that mean I am? You know, agender? Not that i dont understand people who identify as having gender(s) , but just, I don't understand what it is (gender) so seeing it out of the equation makes sense to me.

Is agender the right word? I don't know if it is. Because not knowing what gender is , also means I can't reject it , in myself. Like i dont know what it is , so how do i know if its there or not?

I just- i saw a picture of someone, and they were beautiful and it made me feel all calm and hopeful (they identify as non-binary)

[el-queer-chicano]

Am I bipolar, or is it just my hormones?

ancient transguy proverb 

[jemimadaisy]

Day 14 Kyoto to Koyasan The day of mental collapse. Hormones and childbearing have got so much to answer for. The day started well, I was a awake in time to repack and get out by 9,30. I popped out into the bright shining Kyoto sun and grabbed a few essentials before grabbing a taxi with all my bags to the main station. I dont know how I appear to have accumulated so much STUFF! At Kyoto station I finally found the ticket desk and came face to face with the most unhelpful member of JR staff in Japan. Which resulted in me welling up, in a hormonal panic, as this dickhead rolled his eyes at me showing him on both a map and a calendar why I needed his help. Whatever, if it ends up costing me £100+ to get back from Hiroshima then so be it, it’s that or stay in Japan forever (tempting). My route first took me to Osaka where I was going to just change but greed for suitcase space got the better of me so I hit the Osaka Station City mall. I can not even explain to you how big and fabulous Osaka Station is- everything is huge and new and shiny and glass and metal. Kind of a shame I’m not meant to be spending any time there. I switched my day in Osaka for a day in Kyoto hanging out with Talisa, the lovely girl I met in Matsumoto. Train route from Osaka to Gokurakubashi was a beautiful trip- through rural villages and small towns, lots of fields and mountains giving way to a winding track up through woodland, flanked by sky high pines and waterfalls. YASSSS! The final step was a cable car (then a bus…). I think I was expecting something less cultured but this is a town of 5000 people! There are lots of shops, a university and real roads, very small, and very quaint. I checked into my Temple for the night Fugen-In. I booked through the Koyasan Shukubo website based on pretty pictures alone. I was greeted by a young monk, he showed me to my room and we instantly hit a serious language barrier, using Google translate (on his pink iPhone, how authentic can you get? I thought he’d have a flip phone with Enlightment on speed dial.) I knew that I had to be downstairs at 6,30am and 6pm. The shower question was unable to be answered. After a wander through the streets grabbing a map and planning a few bits for the next day (well, one walk to Okunoin) I returned to the temple for my first temple dinner in a main downstairs chamber. We all sat back to back with other guests with screens inbetween us, no socialising here please. I’d again tried the shower question but so far couldn’t even get an answer to where it was! Dinner was solitary but delicious, you sit on tatami mats and cushions with two trays on legs in front of you, a pot of rice and green tea on the side and various bowls with exquisitely prepared pickled vegetables, plants with no name, sesame tofu (very popular here), a little pot of watery miso soup and often noodles as well. Well worth a graze. The room itself is beautiful with stunning painted screen walls. After dinner I returned to my room, knowing I had to be up early for the ceremony I chose to sleep as early as possible, which is difficult for someone who is used to staying up til 4am watching Rupauls Drag Race back episodes. Before bed I decided to hunt out this bathroom. Wandering around this maze like temple I felt the despair only a woman gripped by her hormones will understand. WHY CANT I FIND IT?! WHY AM I SO USELESS THAT I CANT EVEN FIND A SHOWER? WHY IS THERE NO ONE HERE? WHERE AM I?! WHO AM I?! WHAT WAS I THINKING? I AM GOING TO FREEZE TO DEATH IN A HALLWAY AND MY BODY WONT BE FOUND FOR WEEKS etc. I also can’t function the lock on my door, cue snotty, unreasonable breakdown fuelled by my fear of waking up in a puddle of my own blood and having to explain that to Brother pink 5c. Stupid brain. Jemima x

[spudsexuall]

Reasons I've Cried Today:

1. I get to meet Mario Batali 2. Queen Latifah’s character in Last Holiday isn't going to die 3. I may never get to eat lobster bisque in my life 4. The people on house hunters picked the wrong house

[hudicevoseme]

i’m starting to miss the boy again ugh this sucks i’ve been fine the past few days.. today i’m in a dire need of cuddles and attention and i have no idea where he is.

i am NOT calling him first.

i am NOT!

[el-queer-chicano]

I'm tripping balls I feel like I'm not gonna have much of a love life now that I'm trans and I know it's just my paranoia but I feel like I should have gone out more and I'm just pissed