#hormone hell

[angstymilfy]

I thought I was lonely because I had no one to talk to. Then I realized there’s not anyone I actually WANT to talk to…and that feels so much worse.

[chaotic-dumbass-energy]

I found someone's wordpress article about aggressive swans and the picture captions have me in absolute hysterics

[eveiya]

*shamefaced wave*

So I’m alive. And back on tumblr… after apparently being away for almost two years. I’d explain, but honestly I’m not at all sure now how and why that happened. I don’t recall being abducted by either fairies or aliens but really I think I might as well have been. At some point I did deliberately decide to take a bit of a social media break because I was becoming (even more than usually) crazy/depressed/stressed for no obvious reason; I definitely didn’t intend to fuck off for so long. I didn’t know at the time what was going on with me but now I’m pretty sure what happened was basically that I collided hard with menopause. That train wreck is definitely still ongoing and I’m certainly not all better now, though maybe I’m just getting a bit more used to it. Why return today in particular? Well of course I’m procrastinating. I should be studying and working on an OU TMA (aka an essay worth 40% of the course marks) but I’m on co-amoxiclav after a minor op and it’s making me feel groggy as fuck and seconds away from spewing all the time. Right now my brain’s just too befuddled to even pick another movie or TV show to procrastinate with... so here I am, with two years of tumblr catch-up safely between me and the looming course texts. I’m very pleased to see most of my favourite people are still around, at least to some extent.

[mydeepestdark]

No one warns you

That for 5-10yrs before you actually hit the menopause you will have hormone driven bouts of totally irrational, out of character, stupidity. This could start anywhere from 35 to 55, aren't genetics wonderful.

They tell you about night sweats, hot flushes, bloating, bladder weakness, boob pain, cramps and irregular cycles, and a multitude of other unpleasant physical manifestations of your hormones.

But the emotional toll of fluctuating hormones (a shit storm you just don't need when you already have mental health issues), is right at the bottom, if it makes the list at all, and is usually described as 'tearful' or 'overly emotional'

It's so much more than that. It's like teenage bad choices all over again. You could shout at your boss or become an angry driver. You 'll forget random things and remember them in the middle of the night, or forget faces, or lose a word mid sentence, or lose track of time. You might become selfish when you never have been or adopt a cause you never cared about before.

You might change your entire wardrobe. (In a year you'll wonder wtf you were thinking, put the old stuff in the attic!)

You'll be attracted to people you wouldn't have touched with a 20yard pole and hazmat gloves before (see, teenage bad choices), or just be attracted to people, when you haven't been before.

DO NOT GIVE IN TO TEMPTATION, Stay on the wagon, stick with the meetings, DO NOT GIVE UP ON LOOKING AFTER YOURSELF!

You could ruin a perfect relationship, or finally get up the courage to leave a crappy one. You might change your politics, alienate your friends and family (or if you're one relative of mine, become a kleptomaniac and burglarize your ex-husband)

You'll become unpredictable, or you'll become stodgy, or swing wildly between those.

If your testosterone levels go crazy you'll want to punch people and have even less tolerance for idiots than you did previously.

Sense of humour failure will be a frequent occurrence.

You may develop rampant empathy for everyone and everything, including arseholes and household appliances (Henry hoover does NOT have feelings and you don't need to apologise when he runs into a wall)

Of course you may be lucky and just get 'a bit tearful' or 'moody' (which still sucks), and all this may be decades away for you yet; but the next time a middle aged woman in your life seems to be freaking the fuck out about nothing, cut her some slack.

[frostingpeetaswounds]

I didn’t sleep at all last night Bc my mind was exhausted but my body wanted to go for a run or start jumping around

[meal-planning4ayear]

Week 7 Worst week yet. Seriously thought I was developing post natal depression. What I think it actually is hardcore PMS combined with some going-back-to-work anxiety. I start back in 2 weeks. Shit son!!!!! Oh well. Let's just this was a week of chips, chocolate and feeling like shit. Back to the gym for me and my mental health!!

[disorderlinessofsmallthings]

Bah, humbug

Day 21: FlyLady answers your questions

Except I don’t want to read any more.  I can’t take any more upbeat peppy voices today.  Reading her attempts at encouragement leave me feeling like a cartoon teenager: “Whatever,” and I roll my eyes.

Maybe later on I will revisit some of the earlier, more helpful steps in this project.  I haven’t shown you my Useful Notebook yet.  Or the post-it notes I’ve left for myself; those could use a refresh, actually, because I’ve begun to tune them out.  Or maybe I will just take a nap.  That counts as self-care, and it gets me closer to tomorrow by an hour.

[orderlinessofsmallthings]

Bah, humbug

Day 21: FlyLady answers your questions

Except I don't want to read any more.  I can't take any more upbeat peppy voices today.  Reading her attempts at encouragement leave me feeling like a cartoon teenager: "Whatever," and I roll my eyes.

Maybe later on I will revisit some of the earlier, more helpful steps in this project.  I haven't shown you my Useful Notebook yet.  Or the post-it notes I've left for myself; those could use a refresh, actually, because I've begun to tune them out.  Or maybe I will just take a nap.  That counts as self-care, and it gets me closer to tomorrow by an hour.