#horrible bugs

[morganerpost]

Hazzad vs. Horrible Bugs, which will be unnamed. Ink, Markers, white gel pen on cardstock.

[stratafied]

I'm Not Prone To Hyperbole*, but in Any Other Era, I Would Probably be Dead

I’m Not Prone To Hyperbole*, but in Any Other Era, I Would Probably be Dead

Or: Why the Wand Thingie in the Shower is the Greatest Invention in the World

*Yes, yes I am. Don’t let me lie to you like that.

It occurs to me on a remarkably regular basis that if I was living in another era (say, for example, Victorian times, when “pants” was a dirty word and people wore clothes with eighteen billion heavy layers), I would not survive, much less thrive. I’m a product of The…

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[troglobite]

fuck going to sleep

i just got up to go get some water and saw a spider about like 1.5 inches across in diameter just chilling on my doctor who shirt in my suitcase

now the whole fucking thing and everything surrounding it is drenched in bug spray

i can't see the spider anymore

and the fucking thing is just hiding idk if it's even dead yet

i just sprayed like the entirety of my room now

it's funny how in all of my time in az with a room much messier than this one, i only ever found one suspicious bug, one fucking scorpion and it was dead when i found it, but here, i've only been here a few fucking months and just THERE ARE THESE GIANTASS SPIDERS FUCKING EVERYWHERE AND CLIMBING THROUGH FUCKING WALLS???? AND JUST GETTING INTO SHIT???

AND THESE TINYASS MILLIPEDES AND FUCKED UP BEETLES AND ROLLYPOLLIES EVERYWHERE AND I JUST DON'T FUCKING GET IT

WE HAVE USED LIKE FOUR ENTIRE THINGS OF BUG SPRAY ON THIS FUCKING HOUSE

AND THEY'RE STILL GETTING IN

I DON'T FEEL SAFE AND I CAN'T SLEEP

I AM SO FUCKED

[nastypass]

fffff

so the power just blipped and the desktop was the only thing affected

I was in the middle of exploring a m a s s i v e cave in minecraft

when I reopened it, the world wasn't listed. I went into the savegames folder and it's still there.  renaming it did nothing.

it was a fucking /awesome/ seed, I spent days building this super awesome house nested in this massive grotto, and now it's just... gone.  :'(

drowns sorrow in eu3

[fuck-yourself-dont-follow]

So I keep seeing that post about the Giant Wetas going around

So, in honor of giant horrific bugs, I give you 'WELCOME TO NEW MEXICO: FUCKING GIANT BUG NIGHTMARE FACTORY EDITION'

None of these motherfuckers can eat a carrot, but I can guarantee that finding one of them is horrible and terrifying and fuck my life, why does New Mexico suck so hard?!

ANYWAY, FIRST UP

The Jerusalem Cricket!

According to Wikipedia, they aren't venomous or native to Jerusalem, but it really doesn't matter. I MEAN LOOK AT THAT THING. Back in my hometown, they call these horrible creatures Children of the Earth, due to the fact that they have faces similar to Cabbage Patch kids, and like their doll brethren, inspire nightmares and woe.

I've never actually seen one of these things in real life, but you can be assured that that will be a day filled with shrieks of terror and general unpleasantness.

The Vinegaroon

Also known as whip scorpions, these fuckers range anywhere from 25-88 mm (.98-3.3 inches for my fellow Americans) and have no venom glands. But you know what they have instead of venom? Fucking acetic acid. That's why they're called vinegaroons, because when you're drunk ass steps on one at two thirty in the morning, wearing nothing but the flimsiest flip flops in the world, you smell nothing but vinegar (after you get over the initial shock and horror of stepping on a fucking three inch goddamn bug.)

Worst night ever.

And last but not least, my favorite on this list...

The Camel Spider

Unlike the Jerusalem Cricket and the Vinegaroon, these fuckers can grow to about a foot in length (though that shit is uncommon in the states). It's also not venomous, but son, fear don't give two shits about how poisonous something is.  Either way, let's just take a moment to appreciate how FUCKING HORRIBLE THIS THING IS, JESUS CHRIST. 

Living in the desert is tough for anyone, especially when you are a giant horrible nightmare creature like the Camel Spider, and as a result, these guys like to hide in the shade. Like really like to hide in the shade. And you know what's aggravating about shade sometimes? It moves, so these guys race after it to stay cool.

Now imagine you are there, standing in the desert when you notice one of these hellspawn horrors hiding out in your shadow. You look down, presumably shriek in terror and jump away. You know what also jumps away? Your shadow.

Do you know what follows you to stay in the shadow that jumped when you did?

Motherfucking Camel Spider.

Camel spiders are also known for their ability to hide out in places that will assuredly give someone a heart attack?

Motherfucking Camel Spider.

Guess what I found in a car one day when I was running late for class?

Motherfucking Camel Spider.

Looking at these fucking bugs, it's a wonder I survived my time in the desert.