#horrrrorscopes

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The time of day that each sign represents!

Aries: The colourful sky that the sun paints with its rays as it settles down, disappearing behind the other side of the tired earth (sunset). This represents their happy personality and mesmerizing beauty.

Taurus: Sunrise, which can either be really amazing or make one upset (wants to sleep obvs). It showcases their personality. They can be the happiest person alive but when they’re upset, you’d want to steer clear of them.

Gemini: Late morning, around the same time that they usually sleep in late until. It can be seen in two very accurate perspectives. They feeling really lazy or they’ve had an eventful night and now needs LOTS of rest.

Cancer: Portrayed as late evening (7-8pm) when the world is peaceful, supper is being made (NB lots of salt added) and it’s prime time for scrolling to find memes or literally making a cocoon in bed and sleeping.

Leo: They represent 3am because this is when anything is possible in your mind. This represents that their personality can either be as dark as the night will be or as as bright as the sun that will rise in a few hours.    

Virgo: 11:11 (am or pm) because they’re full of happiness and opportunities! Always able to count on them to make you feel better or offer some friendly advice. Literally the only wish you need.

Libra: Early afternoon, literally the peak of everyday when the sun is almost as blinding as their dazzling smile. Anything that happens at this time can either make or break your day, just like their presence.  

Scorpio: Midnight, when you’re all alone with your thoughts. Represents their love for being alone and enjoying some “me time” while absorbing the quietness.

Sagittarius: 10pm, the moment you remember the homework you should’ve done. In other words, represents their loving yet forgetful soul. No matter how tough it gets they always persevere and are determined to finish what needs to be done.

Capricorn: The early early morning before the sun rises when most of the world still sleeps in darkness while the other half buzzes with the on goings of people. This represents their exciting and busy life while still having another side of them that not many people know about.

Aquarius: Late afternoon, that time after lunch when you’ve just stuffed yourself with like five helpings of dessert and you can’t move anymore but you still want to get up to go get more but it’s too far so you just kinda lie around. Yeah that’s basically it. Food fanatic forever (check that alliteration).

Pisces: Time ??? what’s that ??? who has time for anything when staying in bed and exploring the dark inter-web is an important thing ???

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Why the Zodiac Signs don’t reply to your texts.

Aries: Taking pictures with the highest aesthetic level in the world or they’re baking the cutest mini cookies, each with a special theme, to give to all of their friends on special occasions.

Taurus: Living their second life that no one knows about or excelling, at like, 100 sports at the same time because they’re just THAT good.

Gemini: Not in the mood for anyone when they’d rather be screaming song lyrics at the top of their lungs or they’re busy making sushi.

Cancer: Ignoring you because you left them on read so their feelings are hurt (very badly). They’re trying to give you a taste of your own medicine (usually fails at this) or they’re busy crying because life has hit them hard.

Leo: Either sleeping till 2 in the afternoon or just scrolling on Tumblr without any self control to stop.

Virgo: Busy cuddling with their thousands of pets and would rather nap with all of them than deal with the stress of life or they’re out travelling the world.

Libra: They’ll always reply to your texts within a matter of minutes because they’re never seen without their cellular device.

Scorpio: Making plans to fight a b**ch or going out to party till the cows come home!

Sagittarius: They’re carrying too much food and too busy eating it or they just want to be alone (and eat) than do anything else.

Capricorn: Living that no wifi life at home and there’s no way they’d waste their data on messages, it needs to be saved to look up memes or they’re just gone ??? no one knows where they go ???

Aquarius: Sleeping, sleeping and some more sleeping. Also on Tumblr.

Pisces: Out on an extravagant date with their significant other or watching videos that make no sense but it drags them into an endless spiral.

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The Zodiac signs as Types of Friends.

Aries: The friend that’s best friends with everyone else and is always going out, no matter what. Never stops playing Candy Crush Saga.

Taurus: The friend that’s a freaking genius AND slays literally every sport. Sadly not street smart but really a sweetie pie with a sour middle.

Gemini: The friend that’s a musical prodigy but sucks at speaking English and can’t keep secrets for sh*t. Everyone loves their mom doe.

Cancer: The friend that deals with everything with a heavy hand on salt. Never leaves their house, just talks about socks and Tumblr.

Leo: The friend that’ll always be there for you and share their food even if its their last piece. They’ll love you with all their heart.

Virgo:The friend that gives some of the best advice anyone could ask for and is highkey hipster as hell. They’ll always listen to your rants.

Libra: The fancy friend that’s always on their phone, scrolling through Facebook. Hosts the best sleepovers.

Scorpio: The friend that hates social media yet they’re always texting. Highkey petty when not lowkey being a hoe.

Sagittarius: The friend that will defend you with their life but never stops telling you bad dad jokes.

Capricorn: The friend that makes the best food in the world and rarely takes selfies, but when they do it’s the bomb.com! They’ve usually got the hot goss.

Aquarius: The big bundle of cuteness friend who is always trying to make everyone laugh or cheering you up when needed.

Pisces: The cat obsessed friend who never leaves their significant other’s side and is always working on art.

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How to capture the Zodiac signs!

Aries: Plant flowers leading up to a venus flytrap where the prettiest flower will be set and they’ll walk up close enough to admire it and be engulfed.

Taurus: You can’t catch a Taurus, they’ll blast you with pepper spray and probably fight you so just don’t even try.

Gemini: Lead them into a McDonald’s and let them crawl into the kiddie’s play area where they’ll fall into a depth of smelly feet.

Cancer: Build a store dedicated to socks and socks alone.

Leo: Spend the night in a club and the one who drops their ass in a circle the most is a Leo.

Virgo: They’ll be the ones wearing a “Free Hugs” sign so hug them and their sign and you’ll be happy.

Libra: Put some carrots in a stable and they’ll eat it with their horse and BOOM, you’ve got em.

Scorpio: The love of their life has already captured their heart so it’s probably no use, find yourself another buddy.

Sagittarius: Make a loud pterodactyl screech and they’ll respond with a better, even louder one.

Capricorn: Start some unnecessary drama and a Capricorn will be the number one supporter, cheering them all on.

Aquarius: They’re probably sitting under your bed already, don’t worry.

Pisces: Make a trail of cat food leading up to a castle of cats and YouTube videos and just keep them there forever.

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What the signs do when they’re bored.

Aries: Plays the 2857874092483894 applications or games on your phone or calls someone to go out someplace aesthetically pleasing. 

Taurus: Takes a nap until something comes up or goes to the airport.

Gemini: Looks like a cute potato lying on your bed scrolling through the world wide web or watches KPOP.

Cancer: Puts your music on hella loud and has a dance party in your room or goes to give your pets lots of hugs.

Leo: Reads any book you can lay your hands on or voluntarily does chores. 

Virgo: Watches anime on repeat or has meaningful conversations with your doggies if there isn’t a human friend available. 

Libra: Reorganizes their room or goes horse riding or swimming. 

Scorpio: Plays an intense game on one of your consoles or just zones out and starts daydreaming hmm.

Sagittarius: Tries to see if they’ve got special powers or does some artsy fartsy crafts.

Capricorn: Decides to cook up a storm in the kitchen or goes to stalk a few profiles.

Aquarius: Takes quizzes online or makes more memes.

Pisces: Has a staring competition with your many cats or watches series in bulk.

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What the Zodiac Signs are/ fall in love with..

Aries: Pretty flowers, all kinds of food, sharing everything, good communication skills, kindness, someone to sing with, stylish outfits and the sky.

Taurus: Homemade meals made with love, being healthy, loyalty and trust, sharing hilarious memories, laughter, determination and hardworking people.

Gemini: Messy hair, sharing secrets, cuddling, staying up late into the night, being able to sing or dance, inside jokes that make you laugh until your tummy hurts and doggies.

Cancer: The warmth of huggles, the details (the way eyes sparkle, crinkles at the corners of ones mouth as they smile), comfort, the colour blue, the feeling of safety and salty comments.

Leo: Lots of gentle physical contact, confidence, laughing for hours on end, tattoos, reassurance, someone to confide in, making others smile and the sea and all its secrets.

Virgo: Smoldering eyes, angel voices, formal outfits (suits & ties, flowing dresses), hugs, moans and groans, passion for animals, aesthetic food, musical instruments and trustworthy comfort.

Libra: Sharing a common ground and being able to relate, broad shoulders, horses, cute nicknames, being playful, travelling and good food.

Scorpio: Forehead kisses, deep and meaningful conversations, lots of trust, living on the wild side, always being there, bad jokes, cute smiles, intimacy, cars and their soulmate.

Sagittarius: Selflessness, tenderness, sighs, mysteriousness, clumsiness, being able to take the lead, being organized and staying positive.

Capricorn: Eyes, sharing a common hatred for something, spending time with family and friends, trying new things, aesthetically pleasing prettiness and strength.

Aquarius: Caring words, winks, friendship necklaces or bracelets, kindness, innocence, sharp jawline, taking selfies in good lighting and swimming in the ocean.

Pisces: Tumblr, hectic sarcasm, constant affection, waking up early to watch the sunrise, quiet chuckles, a sense of connection, cats and independence. 

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Types of Kisses that the signs would give.

Aries: Small, quick pecks because God is watching yo.

Taurus: Starts out slow and with little interest before getting dragged into it and can’t tear themselves away from their partner.

Gemini: Steals kisses from their partner every chance that they can get, and when they do it’s delicate yet seductive.

Cancer: Touchy feely one-ohhh-one. Hair tangling, intense tongue battles which only results in “Who can moan the loudest?”

Leo: Hectic biting with lots of domination over their partner. Make out sessions are most definitely not rare.

Virgo: The one who wants to be taken into their partner’s arms and kissed with care yet craving all night long.

Libra: Loooong, soft kisses in the branches of a tree, stopping to look up at the moon, and the stars in your partner’s eyes.

Scorpio: Hot, open mouthed kisses that start on your lips before travelling lower and lower and lower, leaving their mark all over your body.

Sagittarius: Sloppy kisses, trying to do all that they can. Leaves teeny tiny hickies all over their partner’s upper body.

Capricorn: No kisses until after marriage! They’re the good kids who don’t like no touchy feely,

Aquarius: Ass kisses. Don’t question the method.

Pisces: Only kisses on the cheek because you’re a stingy person.

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The Zodiac signs and the type of person they would date.

Aries: Your blonde moments would need to paired up with someone who learns by the books. The cutest couple ever omg. Religion is a key thing in your relationship, along with a love for dancing and One Direction. Your partner would need to be allergic to pawpaws and be able to cook, since you can’t even crack an egg without damaging something.

Taurus: You partner would have to be buff and fit, just like you. If they’re not health conscience, you guys wouldn’t be able to go on those cute afternoon jogs around the neighbourhood before stopping to get a salad somewhere fancy. Their sparkling eyes would match yours, putting you both under a spell when together. You’re quite on the serious side with a slight salty undertone. Your partner would balance that out by having a slight sense of humour but a love for vintage items.  

Gemini: Having beautiful hair yourself, you look for someone who could meet your high standards. They would need to be taller than you, with a love for sleeping and dogs. Other than them needing to be able to cuddle for hours, not minding late night phone calls, enjoying all the weird foods you enjoy, loving KPOP and being as funny as you, you’re not that picky (NB sarcasm).

Cancer: The main things that you look for in someone is height (taller than you) and being able to make flow jokes. Together, you’ll have a large sock collection. They must love hugs that last over an eternity, watching cartoons at 4 in the morning, dealing with the fact that you’re a hoarder and must be brave since you’re afraid of pretty much anything. 

Leo: The rebellious, bad boy/ girl kinda vibe who’ll break rules for you is the one that you hunt down. You’ll need someone that shares the same kinks as you, which is plenty might I add. The person you seek has to have a personality to die for, that consisting of being possessive over you, a mind dirtier than a public bathroom floor, being hilarious and obviously up for late night adventures.

Virgo: Deep conversations at night? Cuddles in the morning? Being able to understand your mumbles? Accepting of who you are? Loving the booty? Yes, yes, yes, yes and yes. Their strength, angelic singing voice and magical instrument playing roped you in since day one. Dancing till the cows come home will be a common occurrence. 

Libra: You’d date someone sassy with a hefty dash of sweet. Their ability to bring your beautiful smile to your face is something everyone desires. They need to be able to do athletic activities, but also not mind doing anything at all. They need to be a good listener, someone who you can trust with your life and someone who’s just as amazing as you. Cute galore. 

Scorpio: All you need is a shared love for sports, 9gag, dirty minds and bread with butter. Simplicity at its best, nothing is in your way. You’re quite easy to please, but buff biceps or big bum bums really get you going. You need someone who is either just as fussy as you or is willing to help you get over some of the things you struggle with.

Sagittarius: The classic Prince Charming or Cinderella is the one you long to hold. They have high determination levels to get what they really want, along with endless charm, amazing moves on the dance floor and being people-people. There’ll never be a dull moment in your relationship as you’ll always be trying out new things with them.

Capricorn: Although your hatred for people is strong, there is that one person that’ll make your knees weak. They’ll be strong with no emotions, always ready for climbing a mountain or some adventurous shiz like that, being able to cook (but not as good as you), able to make you laugh till your tummy hurts, and having the ability to crack the shell that you’ve put up.

Aquarius: You don’t look for anything specific. You love who your heart chooses to love. The only things you look for personality wise is pride in what they do, self confidence, having the ability to turn your frowns upside down, having a secret party trick and they must love every animal that exists. There’s no excuse to not want a million of every one.

Pisces: To be honest, you don’t even need a horoscope to find out what type of person you’d date. You get along with everyone and although you are very awkward, it just seems to work. Your constant charm lures in almost every person who lays eyes on you. You taste in a companion varies almost everyday. Some very serious and short, others tall and flexible. Who knows. What I do know is that this partner will be lucky as hell.