#horsedicks

[matriarch-amanda]

Gross blog

I made a new blog for my porn reblogs so you guys don’t have to look at em if ya dont wanna

applekinks.tumblr.com

[goodfornuthin]

2 years ago I wrote this dumb memorial to my friend.

So, two years ago tomorrow, a dear friend of mine died. With my liver soaked in bourbon and my eyes soaked in tears, I wrote a little bit about what I was going through and how much I cherished our friendship. It oddly involved Parks & Recreation (the TV show) and Nick Offerman. And horses. And dicks. Here is that memorial: "So Nathaniel Daigle and I would discuss many things. Two of the things we talked about this year were horses. No, really. One was looking for ways for us both to focus and get back on our creative horses. The other was a show we both liked called Parks & Recreation, which had a much beloved miniature horse name Lil' Sebastian as a recurring gag/character. Stick with me here, this'll make sense. Sort of.

Natty complained to me that Parks & Rec, with it's nearly weekly sweet, saccharin moments, made him tear up almost every episode. (I say "complain,” but he really liked it…Natty liked to feel things and wasn't afraid to talk about how he felt). I could sympathize, too. I love that show and yeah, it got me choked up frequently…the characters seem to pathologically do sweet things for one another, affirming their friendships. That shit is like emotional high octane fuel for me, and this was true for Natty, as well, I believe. I think that's one of the many reasons he and I got along so well and were such fast friends…we were both sensitive artist types…you know: pussies. As arty pussies, the eloquence of our creativity could ebb and flow as we emotionally journeyed through life.

Creativity and the drive to make art can be a fickle steed…sometimes you are guiding it, sometimes you are just along for the ride, and sometimes you can just get lost riding the damned thing. Natty seemed to slowly be getting his horse back in check and was starting to produce art again. I was getting back in the saddle a bit slower (this horse metaphor is wearing thin), but he was inspiring me. Seeing him get that drive back made me want it myself even more. He had suggested before that we should start painting together at his studio, and recently…months later, in fact…I had finally decided that was something I wanted to start doing. I was hoping to get with him soon, to discuss it in detail.

Now this may seem like a digression, but allow me to explain the Lil' Sebastian "character" on Parks & Rec: he was a prize miniature horse and beloved local icon in the town of Pawnee, Indiana, the setting for the show. Not long after Natty and I became friends, they killed off the horse in an episode and the entire town had a huge memorial event. Much like Natty, Lil' Sebastian was beloved by many and his life was celebrated in a grand fashion (I want to make a horse penis joke here, but I'm drawing a blank). One of the characters even wrote a ridiculous song called "5000 Candles in the Wind" to honor the fallen wee horsey. Again, I know this seems dumb, but stick with me.

When I heard my friend had died last week, like everyone else, I was devastated. I spent most of the week in my bedroom either crying or just kind of…shut down. I had made plans for the following weekend to go to D.C. with my girlfriend to see a live comedy show, but I was thinking I should cancel them. The show was "Nick Offerman: American Ham". Nick Offerman is one of the leads on Parks & Rec…he plays a bacon loving, tersely worded, mustachioed libertarian named Ron Swanson. When I heard that the plans for Natty's memorial were on Saturday, I realized something: the show was Friday night, I could go up, see the show and still come back to be here for the service. I realized Natty would've killed me if I hadn't gone. So I did.

The show ended up being this wonderful man onstage for 90 minutes giving out humorous life advice. Over the course of the show, Mr. Offerman gave his 10 steps for Prosperous Life. They were:

1. Engage in romantic love, regardless of its dangers 2. Say “please” and “thank you” and be kind to others 3. Carry a handkerchief at all times 4. Eat red meat 5. Get a hobby 6. Go outdoors 7. Don’t look in the mirror, because you are beautiful and mirrors are cruel, lying bastards 8. Maintain a relationship with Jesus Christ (but only if it’s getting you sex) 9. Use intoxicants 10. And paddle your OWN canoe (a metaphor for being DIY in life)

And fuck if these weren't things that Natty would also admire and suggest. That and the amount of time this man spent talking about his own penis and weed made me feel like he was POSSESSED by Natty. It was like he was saying "you have the creativity…you need to do positive things like these…and silly things…to create your own drive." It may seem silly, but all of this just kind of clicked for me.

I felt so amazingly lucky to sit at that show. A show I thought I'd be too sad to enjoy turned out to be an oddly poignant moment for me. I felt connected through this night, in a really weird way, to my friend that was gone. It was kind of, sort of, nearly perfect. And then the show was about over. Nick Offerman called out for some musical accompaniment and they began playing a cover of "5000 Candles in the Wind." All while they are engaged in choruses of "Bye bye, Lil' Sebastian" I start tearing up. Tearing up over this stupid song about a fake, dead mini-horse from a TV sitcom. This is the moment I heard Natty laughing at me in my head. Well played, my friend, well played.

Whats the point to all this rambling? Maybe when you lose someone you love, pretty much anything will make you think about them? Maybe I have a subconscious love of horses and/or horse penises that I wasn't aware of? Maybe I watch too much TV? I'm not even sure. But they were honest thoughts and emotions I had about my buddy and our relationship. And if our relationship taught me anything, it’s that it is good to be honest and open. Even when it means you say stupid things. ESPECIALLY if it means you'll say stupid things. Because stupid things are fucking funny. Like all this shit about horses.

Bye bye, Lil' Sebastian. I'll miss you, bro."

[vaporlion]

so i went to a group interview and we were talking about worst job experiences and only one person could beat out mine (manager, the boss's nephew, got drunk at work and hit on me/insulted me on the restaurant floor):  this woman was a groom and had to clean out male horses' foreskin like she had to put her arm inside a horse's dick up over her elbow because the audience at the horse show didnt want to hear the funny noises horse dicks make otherwise

[zerostigma]

I. Love. You. Got it memorized?

[zerostigma]

Something I'm going to do. About Love. To Love.

I've had this idea in my head for the longest time... but I've never actually followed through on it. It's small, but something I always do anyway when I sing songs or read quotes or think sad yet clever things.

You see, when I listen to music, I don't connect the lyrics to a particular person (normally)... I connect them to Love. I say "Love" because I personally view Love like it's own sentient being, something you can't see but you know and feel, similar to one's faith in a higher power. Love is everywhere and in everything in trace amounts... how much just differs from person to person I think, and when you meet someone who's trace amounts balance with your own... you're in Love. 

I happen to see Love as a woman because that's what I'm into, that said, I'm going to start posting what I mentally say to Love when I miss her or she crosses my mind, which is often and normally constant, most often through song and lyrics. I'll label them "To Love" or "Dear Love," and share them here. I want to look back after time has passed and read all the things I've written to Love as I wait for her to return to me/endeavor to find her again, somehow that's better to me than letting them slip from my mind/lips to be lost to the wind.

[zerostigma]

:) I just got butterflies from loving you so much

<3