Being the host of a system is so weird. Like, what do you mean I now share all my decisions with a bunch of other people in my head?
What do you mean I might not front for months and go dormant here and there when I get too stressed?
What do you mean everyone is going to hide things from me?
This all looks so much different than when I met the first little who stopped hiding the system from me. I thought there were just 10 of us. But now there's 350 ish that we know of. I've known them since I turned 18 and have literally no idea what my adult life would look like without them.
Idk. It's all weird. This is not what I thought being host would be like. But I don't think I could ever go back to just being me and only me running my life. Having them makes me feel the most like myself that I've ever felt and they're such a helpful support, but I also can't help but wonder what my life would be like if I still thought I was a singlet.
Being host is weird. Some moments I wouldn't trade it and other times I wish I could just have control back.
-Grey