#host siblings

[possiblydanish]

What it’s really like hosting an exchange student

Some future host siblings might have certain expectations when hosting. I must say, it would probably easier to just be really good friends with an exchange student, because hosting is not easy and host families deserve a lot of credit.

If your family is a lot different than your exchange student’s family in their host family, expect familial culture shock. It can take a fair amount of time to adjust to a family that is nothing like your own family, so don’t be offended if your exchange student does not completely feel at home right away (or within the first two months). Your exchange student should put in a effort to adapt, but they will probably need a little help and adjusting from your family as well. 

Learning a new language can be tough. If you’re from a non native English speaking country, chances are your exchange student will have a long way to go with learning the language. This leads to lots of interesting language fails and creative language. Sometimes it takes a long explanation in Danish plus an English word for my host family to understand. You will probably laugh a lot when communicating.

Living with someone will force you to see each other at all sorts of vulnerable moments - hungover, half naked, sick (okay, the hungover part depends on your culture). Okay, this also depends on how comfortable you guys are with each other. But all of my host siblings have seen me sick, some half naked, and most hungover. It’s the same if the situation is reversed. 

Since you are around your exchange student a lot, there is a chance your exchange student will open up to you. They also might not. This depends on the chemistry you guys have, and how open you two are. Honestly, I have only really had chemistry with one of my host siblings, and we’ve been gradually been opening up too each other. However, do not force anything out of your exchange student, especially if you do not share anything personal yourself.

Introducing your exchange student to your friends can be good or bad. It’s a good thing to think about how compatible your exchange students and your friends are. Typically, it’s a good idea for your exchange student and your friends to meet at least once. They will usually be open to getting to know them. However, do not complain about your exchange student to the same friends they have, that just sucks for your exchange student. 

Even if you’re not your exchange student’s first host family, they will still have to learn how to live with your family. They will have to learn how everything operates in the house. Your may think that your shower is simple, but chances are that your exchange student will need it explained, or otherwise they might go two weeks before they figure it out on their own. All the simple things for you can be pretty complicated for your exchange student. 

Having an exchange student is not always going to be easy. However, if both the exchange student and host family put in the effort to get to know one another, it can be extremely rewarding for both. You’ll get to see snippets of a different culture. Both of you will learn about communicating. You can possibly form a really tight sibling connection. After they leave, you’ll always have family on the other side of the world, and you have to admit that that is pretty special.

[tinyasafirefly]

My mom told me not to show my German host sisters anything R rated and here I am watching Shameless with them. Best part? They picked it out.

[yearabroad1617]

One day we visited Le Mans, the cathedral and the old part of the city - also we paid a visit to Spaycifique Zoo!

[oliviainjapan]

Entry 10/1/15

Today was a lazy day. I slept in, worked on this blog, and watched Hairspray.

It’s not really a problem, but one thing I am trying to work on is maintaining my boundaries with Marie, my adorable little host sister. She’s five and she adores me, and I adore her as well. But this means she wants to be with me. All. the. time. If I close my door and lock it for any amount of time she’ll start banging on the door and yelling “What are you doing? Open the door! Open the door!” Her parents will tell her to leave me alone, and she’ll walk away, but a few seconds later she’ll be back. Even if I have a valid excuse for my alone time, that still isn’t enough sometimes. I’m not used to having such a lack of personal space. As soon as I get out of the shower she’ll start trying to break in to the entry room to be with me. I’ll not even be dressed yet and she demands I open the door. It’s not her fault or anything, she’s just being a five year old girl who doesn’t understand things like wanting five minutes to myself to just breathe or check facebook. I get some alone time once everyone goes to bed (which is at like 9:30 since they’re young and the kids have to get up for school the next day), but sometimes I just need a few minutes to do homework or nap. My host mom made me a little sign to put on my door that says “Olivia is sleeping, please don’t enter” that I can use whenever I need some privacy. In theory Marie understands it, but not so much in practice. She still bangs on the door and asks what I’m doing even if I have the sign on the door. I’m just glad my door locks.

I’m sure as my appeal as something new and exciting in the house wears off this will become less of an issue. I just don’t want to have to be too adamant or dismissive because I still want to be the fun older sister. It’s a delicate balance. And again, most of the time I love the attention. She’s freaking adorable. She laughs at all of my silly faces and I give her piggy back rides and we paint each others nails. I’ve never had a little sister. My host mom keeps saying “まりえちゃんはオリビアが大好きね,” which means “Marie-chan really loves Olivia, doesn’t she?” Yuki-kun isn’t quite as attached at the hip to me, but we do play the Pokemon card game almost every night. I’ve only won once, but that’s partly because I can’t read what some of the cards do and I have to ask him. Next time I’m home alone I’ll sneak into his Pokemon card collection and figure out what they all mean when I have more time to look up words. Then I’ll win. Mwahaha.

[exchangestudentthings]

So I'm leaving in a few weeks for foreign exchange in France, and have been talking to my host brother quite a lot. He's the same age as me, and is kind of flirty which I sometimes return. Today he told me his mom approves of our relationship and I'm so confused because I had no idea he misread my signals. What can I do without making it awkward during my exchange?

Do not get into a relationship with your host brother! He really shouldn’t be flirting with you, either. The dynamics of being on exchange make romantic relationships with host siblings at best inappropriate and at worst dangerous. It’s worrying that your host brother is already flirting so please be careful, don’t flirt back, and tell your host parents and organization if he makes you uncomfortable. Even if that’s before you leave. It would be better to change before exchange than to go to that family and get hurt.

Good luck and please be careful,

-T

[exchangestudentthings]

Hi! I recently changed families and it's been almost a month. I have 2 host brothers, 12 and 16. And a host sister from Austria. With the girl and 12 year old boy it's perfect but with the 16 year old boy idk what to do. We talk but not that much. He's always on his phone or listening to music. I want to get better with him.

Sometimes some family members click better than others and some people generally just like to be off on their own :) It’s also only partway through the year and he could easily get friendlier as the year goes on.

I had three host sisters in Japan and one was in college and hardly around and the other just plain didn’t care for me being there. I still had two great host parents and one host sister who was very welcoming and friendly so I enjoyed my time with them and didn’t take the other two’s non-interest in me personally.

-T

[exchangestudentthings]

Hello! So I'm currently on exchange (I'm an American in Germany), and I love it here. The only problem is that I've lately been having issues with my host family. I've got 3 younger siblings (10, 10, and 12). Lately my siblings have been incredibly rude to me, my host parents scream at me for small misunderstandings, etc. Do you think I should stick it out or move on? They're very good to me, it's just that the arguing is exhausting. I feel like it would be quitting to leave though. Help!

Have you told them how the arguing and rudeness from your host siblings makes you feel? Some families have a more “intense” dynamic than others, so they may not realize that it’s not something you’re used to and that it’s making you uncomfortable.

One good way to have this conversation (and future conversations in life) is “I feel” statements. This page has a great explanation of how to use them to explain your feelings in a productive way: http://www.austincc.edu/colangelo/1318/istatements.htm 

If speaking with them directly doesn’t help, bring in your area representative. Sometimes families need to hear feedback from another adult for it to click, and then if they don’t want to change you’re in a better position to move to a new family because your area representative is already involved.

Good luck,

-T

[exchangestudentthings]

At home I'm an only child and in my host family i got 3 little host siblings. I'm kind of really scared I don't get on well with them. Actually I don't really like little kids..

You could always give it a shot to see if you’ll eventually like them, but if you don’t want to do that (which, I understand, I don’t like little kids either), then I would see if you could switch host families to someone with older children or no children.