So Choose
summary: while in witsec hotch and jack move into a house next door to a co-housing group of adults from various backgrounds. he may find love there…if he opens his heart and listens to his first love.
warnings: a few suggestive comments, little angst, lots of fluffy cuteness
pairing: fem!co-housing!reader x aaron hotchner
an: this is my submission for the post-bau/witsec day of @hotchappreciationweek. jack is 7 or 8 in this, the scratch timeline is moved up a bit. thank you @ssahotchie & @laurensprentiss for supporting me while writing this. the idea for this fic was spawn from this post by @daily-cm.
word count: 5k
masterlist | hotch appreciation week masterlist
He does a double take when he sees you for the first time. He’s standing at the sink doing dishes when you walk out the garden that he’s noticed in your backyard. Initially he’d been downright annoyed to move into the house next door to yours. A group home of folks in various stages of their lives was something he wanted nothing to do with. He had been sure to avoid eye contact and conversation with anyone he’d seen come out of the house. But now, he’s seeing you and shamefully, he likes what he sees. You’re in a pair of overalls that’s over a green shirt, and have on a bandana matching the shirt. He doesn’t watch you work in the garden for long, first and foremost because he doesn’t want to be a creep but also because he finishes the dishes after a few minutes. He thinks about how the green complimented your skin later in bed that night.
The second time he sees you he and Jack are outside together, He’s sitting on the swing next to Jack with a book while Jack swings. When the door shuts behind you on your way up he glances up at you. Similar to the first time he saw you, he does a double take, this time because of the shirt you have on. Your shirt reads ‘I love dilfs’ in big red letters and he has to mask his laugh with a cough. You catch his eye, realize he’s laughing at your choice of attire and give him a smirk.
“Hi.” You call, continuing to walk towards the garden.
“Hi!” Jack yells back, jumping off the swing and running up to the fence.
“What’s your name?” You present your hand to him. He looks at it suspiciously, looking back at his dad for reassurance. Aaron nods, an encouraging smile on his face.
“Jack!” He yells as he takes it, shaking your arm so hard it might fall off.
“Jack. Like Jack the great. Very good choice. My name’s Y/n.”
“Y/n.” He says it slowly, like he’s testing it out. “That’s my dad.” He points back at Aaron.
“Does dad have a name?”
“Oh, yeah, of course. Aaron.”
“Nice to meet you Jack and Aaron. Welcome to the neighborhood.”
“You too!” Jack takes off, running around the backyard like a dog with zoomies as Aaron makes his way closer to the fence.
“Thanks. It’s nice to meet you Y/n. I think I’ve seen you in your garden a few times while I do the dishes.”
“I think I’ve seen you do the dishes a few times when I’m in the garden.”
“Do you manage it all by yourself?”
“Yeah, it’s my contribution to the home. That and cooking.”
“You prefer it that way.” It’s less of a question, more of a statement. An observation.
“I love every single one of them but it’s the only time I really get to myself. I have my own room but we’re all really close knit so the door’s rarely closed. Here, in the garden, it’s my peace. My happiness.” He nods, finding your words endearing. “What about you, what’s your peace and happiness?”
“Jack’s all I got left of that now.”
“He looks like it.” You look over his shoulder at the boy who’s now singing and swinging on the play set. Aaron turns to look along with you, smiling fondly at Jack.
In that moment you take the opportunity to look at him, eyes tracing over his silhouette. You noticed how attractive he is the day he moved in but this was your first good look at him. His hair is fluffy, and shiny, his chin dusted with salt and pepper stubble. His eyes are brown yet vibrant, his eyebrows slightly furrowed as if thoughtfulness is his resting place. You don’t get to assess much more because he’s turning back towards you.
“Well, we’ll leave you alone and let you work. It was great to meet you, I’m sure we’ll run into each other a lot out here.”
You hold your hand out and he takes it. “I sure hope so.”
All he can manage is a shy smile and a tight nod as he drops your hand and heads to join Jack on the swings. To his dismay, he sure hopes so too.
______
You’re grabbing the mail with one of your co-housing members, Leo, when Aaron comes out his front door, walking to his mailbox as well. You light up immediately, and excuse yourself from Leo to say hi to him.
Aaron tries to act nonchalant as you walk over to him, closing the mailbox and gazing at the mail with feigned concern. But all he’s thinking about is how one of the straps of your overalls is undone, barring most of your shoulder because all you have on underneath is a spaghetti strap tank top. Your skin looks smooth and supple, and when you speak to him it pulls him out of whatever trance he’s fallen into.
“Well, hey there, neighbor. Interesting mail?” You lean up against his mailbox with a warm smile on your face.
It’s easy to smile back at you, your presence alone lifts his mood. “Good morning, Y/n. Just bills, you know.”
You nod your head, holding up your own stack of mail. “Having a good day so far?”
“Yeah, its been a slow Saturday morning which is nice. Jack’s at a sleepover so it was just me. You’ve got company though, yeah?” He glances behind you at Leo who’s walking back towards the house.
“Of course he is, sweet boy. And no, not really. Leo lives in the house just like me. We’re bathroom buddies.” You turn around to grin at Leo. Leo gives you a wink which causes you to giggle as you turn around to face Aaron again. He can’t deny the jealousy coursing through him, though he knows its unfair. You’re allowed to date whoever you want, he has no claim over you. As much as he wanted you to be his, even this early on, he knows that it’ll never happen for so many reasons.
“How many of you live there?”
“15 of us. Mostly women. The house, your house and a few others on the block used to be frat houses until they built them better housing.”
“I’m shuddering at the possible things that happened in my house now.”
“Don’t peel back the carpet with a black light.”
“Y/n come on, our turn to make brunch!” Leo sticks his head out of the front door.
“I’ll be right there,” You turn to shout back before looking at Aaron one more time. Your voice is softer for him, “I’ll be working in the garden around 2. If Jack’s isn’t back and you want some company, even if in silence, feel free to sit in your backyard. I’ll even play music.”
“Really? Thank you. I’ll, uh, I’ll see you then. If you don’t mind.”
“I don’t mind at all so I’ll see you then Aaron.”
A few minutes before 2 you step out into the backyard with sheers, a bucket, and gloves. There’s a towel thrown over your shoulder and as always, a bandana keeping your hair out of your face. He glances out the window at around 2:05, and doesn't want to seem too eager. You’ve situated yourself in the middle of the vegetable garden and he can just barely hear the music playing.
When he comes out, you glance up at him. The smile that spreads across your face hits him in the chest, stirring something deep in his soul. He hasn’t felt something like that in a long time and he almost has the heart to turn around and avoid you. But you’re breathtaking, and he knows that for some reason he doesn’t quite understand that you want him there. Your wants and needs, the ones that he knows of, already matter so much to him. So he ignores the feeling that tells him to scream and run away from you, raising his hand in a wave as he sits down in a chair with a book.
The two of you go about your respective tasks in silence that’s filled only by the eclectic playlist you have going. You can’t help but steal glances at him, which causes you to get only half the section you want done by the time one of your housemates calls you inside. Aaron’s only read half a chapter in the couple hours, not only because he was stealing glances too but because you have his imagination working in ways it hasn’t since high school.
_____
Its been a few weeks, and Aaron comes out into the backyard with the intention of hosing off the swingset. You’re laying on the awning outside of your window, half soaking up the sun, half napping. You prop yourself up on your elbow and slide your sunglasses up, drinking in the sight of him. You give yourself just a couple minutes to watch him, examining how touchable his hair looks and how wide his shoulders look through the red t-shirt he has on. He reaches for the hem of his shirt, about to take it off and you feel wrong for peeping so you make your presence known before he can do it.
“Hey, Aaron!” You call out, sitting all the way up and dangling your legs over the side of the awning.
He whirls around, looks on the ground for you first before looking up and over at you, quite literally, hanging out of your window. He takes you in, in a soft yellow blouse and loose jeans, your hair pushed back by your sunglasses. He wants to scold you for being so careless. There’s no railing that would keep you from falling off, but he can’t say that he’s surprised that you would do something like this. For a moment he thinks about how long it would take for him to run and jump over the fence if you happened to fall. How he would be there to catch you even if it was the last thing he would ever do. He realizes that he’s just been standing here, staring at you and clears his throat in embarrassment.
“Y/n, hi.”
“How’s it hanging?” You say with a satisfied grin on your face, legs swing back and forth.
“Its...hanging.” His smile matches yours before he raises an eyebrow. “You sit there with nothing to catch you often?”
You feign offense, placing your hand delicately over your chest. “Am I being scolded?”
“I don’t know, do you need scolding?”
“Always.”
He ducks his head and runs a hand over the back of his neck, feeling the blush that warms his cheeks. “Well, it makes me nervous to see you up there. You could fall.”
“But you’d catch me, right?” Your voice is low and serious, all playfulness gone as the two of you hold eye contact. He opens his mouth to answer when Jack bursts on the back doors, running to stand next to him.
“Dad! Can we run in the sprinkles?” He’s practically bouncing off the walls and Aaron pats his hair, trying to soothe him a little.
“Sprinklers, buddy.”
“Jack the great! What’s up?” You wave at him, catching his attention.
“Y/n! Do you wanna run in the sprinklers?”
You can’t help but laugh at the fact that he’s inviting you though Aaron hasn’t even said yes. “I can’t today my friend, but I promise I will one day. You can come over and get me, I’ll bring snacks.”
“Promise?”
“Promise. I should head inside but it was good to talk to you Jack. And you too Aaron.” You start to slowly and carefully maneuver your way towards your window.
“Of course. Have a good rest of your day. And Y/n?”
“Hmm?” You turn back to look at him, one foot in your room, one foot still on the awning.
“The answer to your question is yes. I would catch you.”
-----
You come out of the house dressed like you almost always are, in a set of overalls, a sports bra, and a bandana on your head. Today it's yellow, matches the bra you have on, and your eyes instantly meet his. You say hi to Jack first like you always do, and he runs over to the fence, chatting you up about how his teacher has his class taking care of a plant. You give him some simple tips, telling him that he’ll have the greenest thumb of all his classmates and he laughs, says his thumb can’t be green.
“Jack, let Y/n get started on her project.”
“See ya later.” Jack’s words almost slur together as he runs back to the swing set, and starts to climb up the rock climbing wall to get to the slide.
“You know I don’t mind talking to him, he’s great.”
“I know but you look like you’ve got quite the project.” He nods back to your deck which has at least 6 more paint cans on it. You glance back at the deck with him, nod in agreement before holding up the two cans of paint in your hands.
“That I do. Bringing out my inner artist this fine afternoon. You gonna watch me?” You keep your face innocent, but your voice is a little suggestive.
“I, uh, sure, I-I’ll watch. You want me to?”
“Yeah, you can critique my work, tell me if I should go to art school or something.”
He gives a laugh, one you can tell that’s reserved but you take it as a win because its longer and louder than the small chuckles that he usually gives you. You turn away to collect the paint, and he follows suit, grabbing a chair from his deck so he can sit at the fence and watch you work.
One word he would use to describe you? Graceful. From the way you stand to examine the canvas before starting anything, to the way you pour the paint into the containers. Your movements are smooth once you finally start to paint, and all he can tell is that its colorful and bright, which is fitting because its how he sees you.
Every once and while you turn to make sure he stills there and he gives you an encouraging smile each time, effectively warming your cheeks. You’re a total sucker for him, and you simultaneously hope he can and can’t tell. You know that he likes your company but aren’t sure if he likes your company. What happens next crushes your hope that he’ll reciprocate your feelings all together.
You finish, bending over to set down the paint brush and make a small game plan for cleaning up. Its then that the sign you’ve painted is completely visible to him for the first time. When he sees the words in their entirety his blood runs cold. He reads them over and over, trying to make sure that he isn’t going crazy. He reads them over twenty times and blinks his eyes rapidly in some last ditch attempt to somehow change the words; he has to go.
“Jack, lets go inside.” He tries to keep his voice level and not let his emotion show but even in his ears he can hear that it's sharper and more frantic than usual. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t afford to get emotional in front of you.
At his words you turn around, a frown spreading across your face when you see the look on his face. He looks as if he’s seen a ghost, and his eyes are cloudy. You and Jack speak at the same time.
“Aaron-”
“But dad-”
“In the house. Now.” It comes at harsher than he’s ever spoken to Jack and he instantly regrets it. “I’m sorry buddy, I shouldn’t snap, but I need you to come inside with me now.” Aaron abandons the chair at the fence, leaving it there as he starts to walk towards Jack.
“Okay. Bye Y/n!” Jack turns to wave at you, and you plaster a fake smile on your face, waving back.
You say slowly, confused by Aaron’s behavior. “Bye Jack. Aaron.”
Aaron doesn’t respond, just gives the words you’ve painted one last look before he scoops Jack up into his arms and practically runs into the house.
What had upset him so much?
You look at the words yourself, reading them over and over, unsure of how they could’ve offended him in anyway:
Happiness is a choice. So choose.
That night Aaron tosses and turns until he can’t take it anymore. He gets up, padding down to Jack’s room to make sure he’s okay before pulling on a hoodie and stepping into the cool, spring air. He glances at your house first and sees that some of the lights are on, though the room that he knows to be your bedroom is dark. He takes that as an indicator that you’re sleeping, or maybe out with someone which makes him irrationally angry. He knows he has no right to be jealous and that he doesn’t even know for sure that you’re out with someone. Regardless of his feelings for you there were so many reasons that the two of you wouldn’t work. He couldn’t even tell you the truth about his life. How could he expect you to be open and honest with him if he couldn’t be that with you? An owl howls, pulling him out of the vicious cycle of thoughts that he’s grown used to.
The moon is full, illuminating the sign you’ve painted as if it's the star of the show. He can see it clearly even from the deck but he decides to walk towards it and leans on the fence once he makes his way to it. Now that he’s let himself look at more than the words he realizes how beautiful it is and just how talented you are. In your conversations in passing you had never mentioned being into art or being an artist.
He stands there in the dark, just staring out into the night. He wonders to himself how you knew the words. He’d never told anyone about his dream of Haley, he himself felt insane after it and could only imagine how someone else would react to it. Maybe you’d had a similar experience with a loved one that had passed. Maybe Haley’s words weren’t one in a million, maybe they’d been said to many people like him in many dreams. Or maybe it was coincidence all together and he was blowing everything out of proportion. The latter of those maybes feels the most untrue to him. Nothing related to Haley was a coincidence, she was and always will be one of the most real things he’s experienced.
“Aaron?” Your voice comes from across the backyard and he turns to look at you. You’re standing at the top of the stairs of the deck, squinting at him in confusion.
“I didn’t realize you were awake, your window-” he begins, but you cut him off, quickly closing the space between the two of you so that you’re standing right in front of him on the other side of the fence.
“We were all hanging out together downstairs. What are you doing out here?”
“Uh, nothing. I should get back to bed, its late.” He turns to leave but you reach for him, gently placing your hand on top of his.
“Wait, is there something I did wrong?”
His eyebrows knit together, not only in confusion, but to hide how much he loves the feeling of your warm skin against his. “What? Of course not.”
“Well you stormed away earlier today after reading my sign and so I just thought-”
“Everything’s fine. Goodnight.” He says in a hard voice before pulling his hand away and heading back inside.
You watch him take the 20 strides or so into the house, wondering what could’ve possibly caused him to act this way. It is until he’s inside and out of view that you whisper, “Night.”
-----
It’s been two weeks since Aaron stormed away from you in the middle of the night when you find yourself ringing his doorbell, completely fed up. You hadn’t seen him since then. He’s been avoiding you and you can’t explain why that bothers you so much. Well, that’s a lie. You’re painfully aware of why it bothers you but you feel like an idiot for letting your feelings for him develop this deeply.
His eyes practically pop out of his head when he sees you through the peephole. He can’t ignore you though, not anymore. “Y/n, what are you doing here?”
You take a step toward him, taking one of his hands into yours. “I need you to talk to me.”
“We talk all the time.”
“Not anymore we don’t. And even if we did it wouldn’t be about whatever that sign has triggered in you. It's been days since I’ve seen you. You let Jack play by himself and watch him from the window. You get your mail at a different time. You even change what time you run so our paths won’t cross. So what happened?”
“You noticed all of that?”
“Yeah I did, because I care about you, Aaron. I care about you a lot.”
He glances behind him, and pulls his hand out of yours as he steps outside and closes the door. “Well you shouldn’t.”
“Its kinda too late for that, don't you think?”
“You don’t understand, my life is a lot more complicated than I let on, and it just doesn’t make sense for us to go any further.”
“I’m not afraid of complicated.”
“There’s nothing I can bring to the table that would make your life better. I would just darken it.”
“Why are you trying to scare me away?”
“Because you deserve much more than what I can offer.”
You throw your hands up in frustration. “Shouldn’t I be the one to decide that?”
“In a perfect world, of course, but in this one, in mine, we don’t get the luxuries of choosing what we want.” He takes a seat on the front steps, letting out a huffing breath.
“Could I just have 10 minutes to show you that you don’t have to worry about me and that I can handle whatever you think I can’t?” You take a seat next to him.
“Alright, 10 minutes.” He agrees reluctantly.
“Tell me about her. What was her name?”
“Haley.”
“What happened?”
“This is where it gets tricky. I can’t be completely honest for reasons that I can’t share.”
“Then be half honest. Whatever you can give, I’ll take.”
“She was taken away from me, and it was my fault.”
“It isn’t your fault, its the fault of whoever took her. I’m sorry that she’s gone. The sign reminded you of her?”
“I was in the hospital, recovering from something. And I had the strangest dream,” He pauses for a moment, wets his lips as his eyes shift around slowly.
“Half the truth, don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere, no matter what.” You rest your hand on his thigh face up, offering him comfort. He looks down at it for a moment, before lacing his fingers through yours.
“I’m finding that I want to tell you everything.”
“Do you trust me?”
“Of course.” He says it like its obvious and it makes you feel so close to him. You can tell by how reserved he is that trust doesn’t come easily, it’s a privilege for him to extend it to you.
You reach your hand out and grasp his firmly, glancing down at the sight of your hand in his before you look at him again. “Then tell me the whole truth, I can handle it. It’ll stay between us.”
He takes a deep breath, almost to prepare himself, and then he does. He tells you about a serial killer called the Reaper. He tells you how for years he continued to work on the case even when it had gone dormant. How he found out that the lead on the case made a deal with the Reaper and how the Reaper offered him the same deal once the lead passed away from cancer. Tears fall out of his eyes as he tells you how the Reaper promised him that he’d hurt the people he loved if he didn’t stop looking but, how he felt he could catch him before that happened.
His breath grows shallow and he stares at the ground intensely when he talks about the Reaper assaulting him in his own apartment and how that solidified the decision to keep looking for him. His anger at himself shines through when he tells you how the Reaper kidnapped his ex-wife, Haley and their son Jack, taunting him over the phone. The lowness in his voice sends a chill up your spine as he talks about the way he killed the Reaper, how he didn’t stop beating him until his coworker pulled him off the body. And when he’s done he lets out a shaky breath that causes you to wrap your arms around him.
“There’s more.” He whispers in a cautious voice.
“I’ll always listen. Do you want me to let you go?”
“No, no I don’t.”
“Okay, let’s change positions. Lay your head in my lap.”
He does as you say, laying so that he’s looking right up at you. You smile down at him, carding your hand through his hair, and he looks at you with a sense of wonder in his eyes. How could you be so ready for him while being carefree and pure?
“A couple years after the assault, I was in the hospital because of some internal bleeding, which is what I was mentioning early,” He looks away for a moment, but you give out a small hum, push his face towards so he has to look at you. “I was out for a while and I had this dream about Haley. She was in it, and so was the Reaper. And I told her how much I missed her and how incompetent I felt as a husband to her and a father to Jack. We talked for a bit, but there’s one thing that she said to me that I remember so clearly.”
“Happiness is a choice. So choose.” You understand now, nodding slowly.
“Since we’ve moved here I’ve been wrestling with my feelings for you. There were a lot of reasons that we wouldn’t work and so I was telling myself that I had to move on.”
“Were?”
“Yes, were. I took the sign as a sign. I’ve never heard anyone say that phrase except for Haley in my dream. Maybe I sound crazy but it just seemed like her way of telling me that its alright for me to want to be with you.”
“Its not crazy at all. I want to be with you too. I know it’ll be tricky and maybe short term depending on what you future has in store, but I’d be happy to spend any time I can with you and Jack if you let me.”
“I would really like that.”
You tilt your head as you look down at him, smoothing a hand over his cheek. “Can I kiss you?”
The blush that stains his cheeks is charming, and gives you a shy nod as his eyes flick down to your lips. You lean over him, your hair free of bandana for once falls over the both of you in a curtain. When your lips meet his it’s like a gentle spark, the first light of a cozy warm fire. You’re delicate with him, running your hand up and down his chest in a soothing manner as you coax his mouth open.
“Gross, you guys are kissing.” Jack’s voice comes from behind you, causing you both to straighten up immediately.
“And what about it mister nosy pants?” You glare at him playfully.
“Does this mean you get to spend the night now? We can make a fort.” His question surprises you and you glance over at Aaron who has the most mellow, dazed look on his face. He thinks he might be in heaven.
“I think that’s a question for your dad. But sleepover or not, we’ll definitely build one.”
“Y/n! Dinner!” One of your housemates, Trina yells from the porch. You raise your hand, thumbs up to let her know that she’s heard.
“I should go, I need to grab some vegetables out of the garden to prep for dinner.”
“You’ll come back won’t you?” Jack asks softly, eyes hopeful.
“If that’s alright with your dad, I’d love to come back. I can bring dessert.” You offer.
“I’d love that. 7:30?”
“I’ll be there.”
“Jack, head inside for me, I’m gonna walk Y/n over to her house.”
“So you can kiss her.” Jack sings, swaying his hips slightly.
“Jack.” Aaron scolds, but you can’t help but laugh at his antics.
“Ok, ok! Bye Y/n.” He turns to go back in the house.
“Bye Jackers, see you later.”
Aaron loops a hand around your waist, pulling your close as the two of you stroll back over to your house. You lift your head from where you’ve rested it on his shoulder, turning to look at him before you step inside.
“Thank you for being open with me, I'm really happy that we get to try whatever this will be.” You run a hand through his hair, a touch he leans into.
“I’m really happy too, happiest I’ve been in a very long time.”
He leans in slowly, keeping his eyes trained on yours, and you nod your head, leaning in the rest of the way to press your lips to his. This kiss is a little more desperate than the last, hungrier, and you knot your hands in his hair as you lean back against the side of the house. He hums in surprise at your brazenness but follows suit, his body a hot line of heat as he rests against you.
“I think you made the right choice then.” You pant into his mouth once the kiss breaks.
“I know I did.”
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