#how to grieve

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Cr. mental.health.with.emma

[naturecpw]

How to Grieve for a Very Good Dog

When my yellow Lab died last spring, I was flattened by an overwhelming sadness that’s with me still. And that’s normal, experts say, becaus

How to Grieve for a Very Good Dog

Sep 2, 2021

When my yellow Lab died last spring, I was flattened by an overwhelming sadness that’s with me still. And that’s normal, experts say, because losing a pet is often one of the hardest yet least acknowledged traumas we’ll ever face.

In June, after speaking with Neimeyer, I decided to reach out to a Labrador retriever rescue operation near Colorado Springs, Colorado—a way to lay the groundwork for the day, maybe a year or two away, when I would be ready to adopt a new dog. I spoke with a breeder involved with the group and told her about Sunny. We agreed to touch base again in early 2022. Then she called a few weeks later.

“I know you weren’t planning to adopt anytime soon, but there is this dog who really needs you,” she said. “You would be the perfect owner.”

The dog was an 18-month-old yellow Lab named Trudy. Her owner had severe dementia and kept her confined to a cement dog run. A neighbor had contacted the rescue operation to report Trudy’s suffering. She’d been left alone in record summer heat and never walked. Nobody knew if her owner was giving her food or water.

The next day I drove eight hours to Pueblo, Colorado, to rescue Trudy. If I had not received counseling on pet loss, I probably would have declined, thinking I was too heartbroken to care for another dog. Instead, I took Trudy home and was soon watching her roll around in the grass and lie on a dog bed and play with toys—probably for the first time in her life. Trudy seemed like a gift from Sunny, or at least a karmic manifestation of Sunny’s positive influence on my life.

I bought her a bright red leash and have been slowly teaching her to walk in the wild. She is partly crippled from being confined to a cage, so there’s healing to do. We are healing together.

Trudy and I wander daily on a mesa near my house. It’s an awe-inspiring, oxytocin-generating landscape where a vast expanse of sagebrush is luminous green in the late afternoon light and the sky is a blue ocean filled with archipelagos of clouds. Some clouds are puffs of popcorn. Others are giant curtains of mist dangling over mountain peaks 50 or even 100 miles away.

I still carry Sunny’s pink leash in my pack. I expect I always will.

“Sunny!” I routinely shout into the sun-kissed abyss while Trudy delights in sniffing the ground. “Isn’t this amazing?”

As I stand there soaking in the beauty, Sunny’s physical absence often brings tears. But then in an instant, just as the sun drops below the horizon, all the clouds light up with fiery shades of pink and I feel her essence in every inch of sky.

On other days I hike alone through the forest following the favorite secret paths that Sunny and I made together. Several times I have come upon a tree or bush that takes my breath away. Tied to a twig in the middle of nowhere and for no explainable reason is a bright pink ribbon.

https://www.outsideonline.com/culture/essays-culture/pet-loss-dog-grief/?utm_source=pocket-newtab

[bullet-farmer]

I am beginning to grieve my grandmother’s death. I have a long, long path ahead. I’ll probably be writing a lot about it on my Medium account. Links to follow. But, for now, C. S. Lewis: someone who understands grief better than I do. There are moments, most unexpectedly, when something inside me tries to assure me that I don’t really mind so much, not so very much, after all. Love is not the whole of a man’s life. I was happy before I ever met H. I’ve plenty of what are called ‘resources’. People get over these things. Come, I shan’t do so badly. One is ashamed to listen to this voice but it seems for a little to be making out a good case. Then comes a sudden jab of red-hot memory and all this ‘commonsense’ vanishes like an ant in the mouth of a furnace. - A Grief Observed

[pkills]

How to Grieve by Suzi Q. Smith

When you are ready to begin,

look for something alive

something new

and opening.

bend your hand

Around the flame of this tender joy

And let it light your way.

place bare feet on the ground.

kneel.

press knees forward.

sit back on feet.

stretch arms up over head.

press forward.

fold into the earth.

forehead, palms.

all touching the naked dirt.

turn head to the side and press left ear to the ground.

listen.

turn head again, press right ear to the ground.

listen.

stretch body flat out pressing chest into the tender

or even frozen soil and lay there, heart open,

arms stretched wide to either side,

fingers curled like claws and grasping,

clawing, digging.

let the earth remind you of how much

voice you’ve swallowed and feel it

well up on your throat.

wail when you’re ready.

moan like the wounded animal you are.

pound your fists against whatever earth is still holding you

and howl the names of all that has been taken from you.

call their names up from the mossy well they have been nearly forgotten in.

claw them up and back to you.

know that you are theirs. they are yours.

hold them.

open your arms wide enough for your shoulder blades

To touch and wing again.

become an open door and let light move through you.

become yourself again,

these found now treasured bones,

unburied and blessed.

let us weep at the reunion of self and self hold.

let us braid ourselves back together.

let our prayers be remembered and heard.

let us become ourselves again.

let us become each other’s again.

healed, whole, beloved.

I talk about books more on bookstagram these days: https://www.instagram.com/bookiecharm_/

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TM22-03 Kevin Ringstaff, Grieving for Pets & People.

TM22-03 Kevin Ringstaff, Grieving for Pets & People.

Their Story Matters, with Sara Troy and her guest Kevin Ringstaff, on air from January 18th Kevin Ringstaff has been a student of grief for many years. He creates products and activities on grief and invents ways to help teach grief to everyone. Kevin’s been through several grief certification programs over the years and he’s currently studying to be a Board Certified Hospital Chaplain. He…

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[bachiles]

6 Months Later

Last week marked the six month period since my mom passed away. I suspect the 25th of each month will be a monthly reminder for the rest of my life. I have said it many times – grief is unpredictable. A friend shared this on Facebook and I borrowed it. It is so very true. I may look like I have it all together (well, slightly all together) but inside there are days when the grief is so doggone…

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[mitchismirage]

Grief & Moving On: What That Means

Grief & Moving On: What That Means

Shortly after my son John crossed over I joined a grief group for grieving mothers. There was a phrase we often heard from others which would incite anger within us. That phrase was “you need to move on.”

While those who say this to grievers have good intentions, this phrase can be extremely painful to the griever. What the griever is hearing is that they should be over their grief and not…

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[murdermalo]

Thought: I Get Over It Only To Get Back Under It.

Thought: I Get Over It Only To Get Back Under It.

You get to a point where you’re just over it.

You get to a point where you’re just over it, you think. It’s a very enjoyable yet temporary I’d call feeling, but it’s more so a realization that’s very reoccurring.

The carelessness has the ability to be so peace filled. I assume being careless resulting in you caring less is the only control you have over yourself when emotionally and mentally…

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