Break Up- Night 1
I slept in the recliner in the living room. I couldn't sleep in my bed...our bed...even when he wasn't in it with me I would snuggle a pillow and pretend it was him so I could fall asleep. Can't do that now.
I would have and wanted to love that man through anything and everything. He broke up with me so all of his anger and rage doesn't eventually make us hate one another and we cant even be friends. He and I were never really just friends. For almost 20 users there has always been more. Flirting...laughing...etc. How do I go back to a place ive never been when all I want is to wake up and this be a nightmare. I want to hear my phone ring and its him getting off of work and he wanted tk tell me about his day. I want him to laugh at me for falling back asleep because his voice always brought me peace. "My sleepy Baby" he would laugh and call me. I want to tell him about my nightmare and he come over and hold me and tell me how stupid it was because him and I are forever.
My fear of homelessness is back. I rent an apartment and he technically rents tk own his from his family. Everytime I would talk about my fear of getting evicted out of the blue with no where to go he would calm me down and tell me I always had a place where he was. Now I would have nowhere.
Now the rules state that nothing can happen between us that would blur any lines. No excessive phone calls like we used to be on the phone for most of the day if we could. No wake up phone calls no good night phone calls. No flirting. No touching. No kissing. No sex. No cuddling. No nothing. I guess that is just friends territory, but I don't want to go back.
I just want him. Through everything. The good days and the bad days and the best and worst days of our lives.
I really hope with all of my heart that we find our way back to eachother.
I know its dramatic but I don't know if my heart would survive seeing him or knowing he fell in love with someone else.