#094 The Multiverse
The universe is quite vast. Science records it as being hella vast (trust us on this one, we’ve seen charts). But, as it transpires, one hella vast universe is but a single cog in the vast tapestry of existence. (Wait, what, tapestries aren’t made of cogs. That’s a piss poor metaphor. Hey that rhymed!) You see, our universe (and your universe, perhaps you and I live in different ones) are part of a larger, vaster, multiverse. That means that there are a possibly infinite number of universes and each of them is unique with its own characteristics and rules (except for the ones that are just copies of other ones of course).
It would be impossible for us to cover and discuss every single possible alternate Earth or universe that you might encounter, so we’re not even going to try (but if you came her looking for vacation recommendations, might I suggest going to Universe 3.789 Epsilon Qwerty {the name of this universe will obviously vary depending on how your universe chooses to name other universes} everything in that universe is ice cream and it is delicious. Just make sure you don’t eat anybody. And if you do accidentally eat someone don’t mention my name). What we will do however, is lay out some situations in which you might encounter another universe and give you the usual tips and tricks for dealing with them.
Many alternate dimensions will have an alternate version of you and everyone else around you. Some universes have doppelgangers of everyone from a different universe, which can be very disorienting for interdimensional travelers since many of these doppelgangers just resemble their alternate universe counterparts physically, while their personalities and personal histories can be completely different (for example there are several universes where I write an educational blog for supervillains and some where I write a blog on creative ways to stack and store cans of soup and some where I am Power Jones, the man with one million powers, defender of the galaxy, lover of tree nuts). Other universes however only feature doppelgangers of major individuals. Which can be very humbling. Imagine if you travelled to another dimension (suppose you had a three-day weekend or something) and discovered that versions of all your super-buddies existed there but there was no version of you. That would be terrible. Like the universe really doesn’t think you’re important at all. You saved your world from the menace of an evil disembodied mustache (named Megalexhar Fizzleton XVII for those of you keeping track of these characters) yet apparently that’s not enough to score you an alternate dimension counterpart. Rough.
The first thing you should do when you travel to another universe is determine what the deal with your doppelganger is. Do you have one? Are they well liked? Is their life better than yours? Are they a superhero too? Are they a villain? Is their costume cooler than yours? And so on and so forth. Once you get a read on how your doppelganger is viewed you can decide whether or not you want to temporarily steal their identity, seek them out and become multiversial pals, permanently steal their identity, or disguise yourself as someone else. What you decide to do about your doppelganger might be dependent on why you traveled to another dimension in the first place. If you’re going just because you recently discovered the existence of the multiverse and so obviously you’re gonna want to check that out, then you might try to disguise yourself so you can observe the alternate dimension without alerting anybody to your presence of existence. If you’re going because you’re in pursuit of a hostile supervillain (say the Rambunctious-Red-Light-Runner steps up his game and becomes the Rambunctious-Reality-Light-Runner) then you’re going to want to get in touch with that universe’s super-community somehow whether that includes your doppelganger or not. If you’re going in a scientific capacity, to study other dimensions or the alternate physics other dimensions may possess, or as an anthropologist, to study the cultures of other universes, then you might want to make your presence known so you can gain access to certain people and things that you might want to study.
I would recommend making friends from as many alternate universes as possible. For one, it’s always good to have more super-allies. For two, you can finally create an all-you a cappela group like you’ve always dreamed. For threes, if your nemesis captures all your friends in an effort to draw you out so they can kill you, you can just call in some pals from other universes that they didn’t even know about! For four (!!!!!), sometimes bad guys want to go above and beyond the normal call of evil and try to either take over or destroy the entire multiverse, uch, so extra. When this happens the heroes of the multiverse need to band together to kick some evil butt. It’s awesome. And it’ll be a lot more awesome if you’ve already got some friends from other universes that you can contact to get the ball rolling on this multiversial alliance. For your reading pleasure, and to prove that we are not bound by things that we say, even within the same post, here is a list of some common alternate dimensions that you’ll no doubt encounter during your travels through the multiverse.
The one where everyone’s allegiances are switched: Evil Hatmans, good Democratically Elected President Murder Kills (don’t be fooled by the name, he’s a huge softy), competent Professor Paleontologists. Maybe other things will be opposites too. Cold is hot and hot is also hot because the universe doesn’t want you thinking that you know it’s next move. Topsy-turvy universes can be quite disorienting to the untrained dimensional traveler, proceed with caution.
The Golden Age: The adventures that were so feel good happy and idealistic that we had to shunt them into an alternate universe where everyone fights for truth and justice and everyone’s always smiling. A good place to spend a vacation.
The one that is a post-apocalyptic wasteland: Humanity has been wiped out. Except for the humans who haven’t been wiped out. But they all hate each other. And they’re plotting to wipe each other out. Because some things never change. Watch this space.
The one where all your friends are cute animals: Ultiman is a caribou, Dr. Python is a wombat (don’t ask why he’s not a python, he doesn’t have a good answer and he gets all frustrated). They’re roommates. Hilarity ensues. And it’s even funnier because they’re animals!
The one with thinly veiled copies of characters from a rival corporation: We have no rivals so we can’t give any practical examples of this.
The period pieces: These universes have never left a certain time period. There are Wild West Universes, Russian Revolution Universes, Gangnam Style Craze Universes. If you’re the kind of person who can’t let go of a certain era, there’s a universe out there for you.
The universe where a monkey typed out the complete works of Shakespeare: If there an infinite number of universes that means there are an infinite number of monkeys and that means there are an infinite number of universes where a monkey somehow conned his way into getting access to a typewriter and that means that there are an infinite number of monkeys who have typed out the complete works of Shakespeare. (Also an infinite number of monkeys who have typed out the complete works of this blog {also an infinite number of monkeys who have typed out the complete works of this blog except these monkeys are so clever that every single word feeds into some larger, brilliant pun. I aspire to one day find the key to being that talented.})
The one where everyone is a talking animal except they don’t resemble any of your friends: These talking animals are completely original characters like Bunderclap, the thunder bunny and the Hurtle, the turtle with a temper.
The universe where someone or something kills everyone: Well gosh that sounds pretty frikkin’ dark. Don’t go there. Gosh, everybody gets killed? Worst alternate universe ever.
The one that is the future: Maybe it’s your real future, maybe it’s just a possible future. I recommend hopping into a few of these types of universes. Find the future that’s right for you.
The one that’s exactly like yours: Or at least it was until this one thing happened. Now everything’s different! Even if those things shouldn’t have been affected by the thing that originally changed by any stretch of the imagination.
Of course, these are only a few examples of some universes that you’re likely to encounter. There are plenty of universes that are nothing like any of these. There are universes that we can’t even fathom. Universes that we can never access. Universes that don’t support human life. Universes that don’t support three-dimensional objects. The multiverse is a vast vast vast place, there are people who spend there entire lives trying to catalogue it all and die feeling unfulfilled because that’s just how vast it is. So if you’re going to venture out into alternate dimensions, stay alert, stay safe, and if you eat anybody, don’t tell them I sent you.