#hustalkshit

[hustparovoz]

stupid things that I did

without Stanley bc I am tired

stupid close-up

@void-dude and sry for trauma dumpung

I am gonna be hospitalized at the mental hospital and I'm sad that I'm probably not gonna be able to draw stantad. they are literally my therapy and I don't know what I'll do but but sorry

[hustparovoz]

feeling existential crisis ,burnout and all-time exhaustion kicking in harder than I expected

[hustparovoz]

posting it after sh

sorry. im losing motivation and mind

[hustparovoz]

just stupid rambles, vent

i just realized that I envy most of my mutuals, like Sopa, Sid, Fonosai...don't get me wrong. I love them a lot, I love their artworks and creativity, they absolutely deserve all the love they receive...but I can't help but want this recognition. I know that they made hard work to receive that, I know thinking that way is egotistical, i know that I maybe don't even deserve what I have now, but I just want to be noticed. I don't want to be forgotten in the depths of the internet. I'm just a stupid child with issues, and who wants nothing more but to be noticed. I need to work harder but I just can't. I'm already on the verge of.. I don't even know. I don't know what to do anymore. I just don't. I don't.

upd: and especially i want to be noticed by my mutuals. I really need their... I don't know. attention? but I always got really happy when one of my mutuals likes my post or reblogs it, I can't help but feel...appreciated?

[hustparovoz]

self hate

I don't feel alive anymore I just feel like a piece of meat that only can sleep eat and suffer from pain it causes to itself. my eating disorder has become worse and I want nothing but to be a mere skeleton. I hurt myself more often. Im not proud of any of this. I want to cry my eyes out but nothing comes out. I want to die but at the same time i don't. I want to talk to someone but I'm too scared. I'm sorry. I'm so goddamn pathetic and weak. I'm scared. I'm so scared. I'm afraid of everything. I can't sleep because I'm too afraid of the dark. I can't make myself do anything. I feel so goddamn helpless. I feel like Im falling into an abyss and there's no way out.

I'm sorry that I'm so stupid. maybe I'll delete this.

[hustparovoz]

hi

[hustparovoz]

I was in a mental hospital a month ago, it didn't get better as I hoped. it's not getting worse either, and it hurts like hell. I'm still hurting myself, I'm still doing stupid things. I appear happy but inside I just want to do nothing and die in sleep. I feel empty and dry, every time I want to cry I just can't. I can't and that's it.

I still draw, I can be happy, but I still I just don't allow myself to be fully happy and enjoy the best years of my life. I feel like rotting

[hustparovoz]

I am not ok