Brain Noise
I wanted to share this and see if it resonated. Because until a few months ago, I didn't realize other brains weren't as noisy as mine. This is what clued me in on having ADHD in addition to the Autism. When I say my brain goes from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep, I mean it.
My brain noise comes in 3 types: Loop, activity, thoughts.
Loop: whatever's looping that day. Sometimes it's a song, but not the whole song, just a part of it. Sometimes it's a quote, sometimes it's some kind of Muzak. Today, for example, it's Bob's Burgers with Gene singing "I'm a little tigerrrrr, a sexy little tiger, rawr!" on repeat. One time it was Rose from The Golden Girls in the middle of a St. Olaf story: "I guess after the baby came they needed to make some more room."
Activity: Whatever I'm currently doing. So because I'm typing, brain chatter is just reading "aloud" what I type. But if I'm making coffee, I'm telling my body what to do now, and what to do next, be mindful of my place in space, don't knock this over, hold that steady. Don't drop the-FUCK. Okay, go pick it up and clean that up....
Thought: whatever else is going through my head. Could be about the future, the past, the present, whatever. Sometimes it's about what I need to do that day, that week, next week, sometimes it's doing a body scan to see if I'm hungry, horny, whatever, sometimes it's thinking about some cringe shit I did in high school or my last attempt at a hookup. Sometimes I'm thinking of video games, or sex, or daydreaming about a future boyfriend, or imagining myself as successful, happy, within community. It's truly chaos, and can switch tracks any second.
And it's all going on at the same time. Always. So when I say my brain is loud and noisy, this is just a taste of what I mean.
